hello there.
i'm not to sure if i'm actually allowed to post this up,
but i just needed to write something about it,
hopefully nothing paranormal would happen if i do. hehe

well. i'm left with about 4 to 5 days til my first paper, bio.
and it's my finals,
but i'm having my break now, but yeah. it's a study break but i'm thrown off of my routine of 'going to college to study til it's late and i'm satisfied with that i've studied for the day',
because,
my grandma had passed away.

i'm not sad.
but i do miss her.
she had been so strong all this while.
even that snake bite three years back did not kill her.
she was be bed-ridden for about one week, and we all thought it was time for her to go then already,
but nope, she was strong, too strong in fact, that she survived the poisonous snake bite to live until now.
but of course we didn't want to risk her getting another injury like that, so my aunts and uncles planned out some 'plan' where they took turns taking care of grandma.
owh. prior to that snake incident, she lived alone in her own home.
where she rears chickens and pigeons.
goodness know how much strength this old lady has,
she managed to move heavy objects around by herself, mending her chicken coop and the pigeon... wait. it's actually the pigeon's coop, because the chickens were free to walk around. HAHA
when i was younger, she had ducks. one super old duck which i remember walking about the house, slowly but he was walking around still. =)
i got that animal love thanks to both my auntie and grandma, actually.
i just realised it. HAHA
everytime i go back to my grandma's place, she'd give me one of her little chicks to play with.
play, but i didn't kill any of them.
it would break my heart if i do injure them in anyways.
but i remember them being too comfortable and they just shit on me.
HAHHAHA
good times.
and my grandma is SO CUTE!
her favourite would be KFC. HAHAHAHAHA
ironically, she rears them chicken, but she loves them chicken meat. =O
and!! we would travel to Seremban often when we do pay our grandma a visit,
going to Pizza Hut, calling pizzas, 'la-kia-si' also meant, spider web.
hahahahahaha.
she is so cute!!
and i would have to say, she was the only reason, everybody returned home to celebrate chinese new year together as a whole big family,
for her birthday falls on the 2nd day of chinese new year, which makes everything much more significant.
but due to family complicants, that, had failed for the past two to three years.

but within that three years, my grandma was able to spend more time with each of her children.
so i guess, she was satisfied already.
and i'm pretty sure she was choosing the right timing to go,
because everything seemed to have fall in the right time;
-my mom came back with her boyfriend,
-my sis came back for a transit to indonesia, so she managed to know what is happening somehow,
-my grandma's sister (or was it my grandpa's sister? hrm...) passed away not too long ago.
and i guess she didn't feel like it was necessary for her to further fight it anymore.
she's 88 years old.
somehow the chinese tradition made it a total of 91, as the death age,
and at the age of 91, it seems like some sort of celebration, because it isn't easy for old people to live that long anymore.
my grandma was awesome.
but she stil cute!
especially when she laughs.
=)

about ten years ago, my grandpa passed away.
i was too young to remember what exactly happened, but i know i was that little girl walking around, confused with what was happening.
so when the funeral was taking place this time for my grandma,
i was trying hard to remember what happened for my grandpa, because the memory i have of it was really vague.
=/
owh! i'm like the youngest cousin of the 'Wong' family.
and i still am as blur as usual from time to time. haha

what i didn't get was, the praying session.
it doesn't make any sense to me.
and it got me laughing several times.
and wait. i have issues with my surname. HAHAHA
i'm supposed to follow my father's surname, Ou, right?
but since young, my mom had always thought me how to write the 'Wong' as my surname in chinese.
So, when this happened, the praying session needed to annouce everybody's name, those of who are related to my grandma; the sons, the daughters, the in-laws, the grandchildrens and the greatgrandchildrens.
so when my name was mentioned, 'Wong Kah Sim'
it was really awkward. all my cousins looked back at me. HAHAHAHAHHA
i, myself was confused, my facial expression didn't even change when they all looked back at me, i just go O.o???
HAHAHAHAH

and their chants were as though they were randomly mentioning random names,
they even had a special tune for it,
and because the session was freaking long, i somehow decided to entertain myself by moving to the beat of the tune from time to time.
yes, it seems disrespectful.
but i am YOUNG! and long praying sessions like that could easily bore me to sleep. =/

there was this one session where it requires us to walk around the front compound of the house, pick up a coin and place it into a bowl, then pluck a leaf off a branch that was placed there, and placing the leaf into the box.
i forgotten how many rounds we walked, but as we were entering the 4th round, one of the 'praying people' told us "pluck more the better", well DUHH, my bro was infront of me and we just started plucking leaves like nobody's business.
that was the fun part.
it looked funny. hehe. because behind us were the two grandchildren,
in a way, it looked like we, kids were playing, plucking as many leaves, literally bringing down the whole branch.

wait. hahah! i think i just confused you with the lining up sequence thingy.
chinese and their weird culture of 'PRIORITISING THE MALES', sigh.
here is how it is like;
Black - sons and daughters
Dark Blue - son's children
Light Blue - daughter's children
Green - son's son's children
it further separates between the 'wongs' and the 'non-wongs',
red ribbon for those who does not have the surname of 'wong' in their name.
and non for those who are 'wongs'.
surname-ist.
tsktstsk.

anyhow. we had 4 sessions of prayers yesterday.
started from 6pm all up til 12 midnight.
there were break intervals for us to have a breather.
no wonder i don't remember a thing about my grandfather's funeral.
i only remember walking all the way from my grandma's house all the way to the burial site.
pretty sure we gonna do that too.
my goodness. i'm seriously fretting the fact that i have no memory of my grandfather's funeral. gaaaahhhh

popo ah! rest in peace. =)
we all sayang you! <3
say hi to gonggong for me! =)

the moment i came home lst night, i immediately sat there in my room, typing this out.
but i had an internet breakdown at home, i saved it as an external drafts.
and now i am sitting in oldtown white coffee, taking advantage of it's free wifi, just to post this up.
this, is for you.

21st Oct, 11.17pm

That shirt made us look like we were some janitor, or some Petronas workers. But we wore them proud anyways. It was what made us significant, this year. How can we possible forget this AusMat shirt when we have such eye catching colour as our shit colour. LMAO. Walking around pyramid or ikea with a whole group of us wearing our AusMat shirt, made us feel like we were Petronas workers on a lunch break. HAHAHAHAHA. We awesome like that, yo. =)
Even so, we wore it proud. We flashed it in any way possible. HAHAHAHAHA

And then we have the discussion room, where it had somehow become our second home, aside from all the classrooms we had. We would practically swarm the room, as though it belongs to AusMat all by itself. Best memory? Haha. AusMat CS marathon in that computer room in the library. How could one possibly forget those days? And it was what? One week in during EE2? Hahahah! The whole flock of us will practically take over the whole room, start gaming CS against one another, cursing almost every second in between. Librarians came in to tell us not to play, threatening to take our student ids away… but we still went on playing… UNTIL THE DAY THAT THEY BLOCKED US FROM INSTALLING CS INTO THE COMPUTERS THERE! =( And so, we went back into studying mode… really?

Thinking back, shit! AusMat was only for ten months? Who said it was 11months in the first place ah?! Hahaha! Am I the only one who got tricked into getting to Ausmat? Claiming it to be the easiest pre-U course ever available, cheapest, and most worth it? Claiming that it would guarantee a place somewhere, somehow? Maybe I was over exaggerating it, but AusMat was probably nowhere near label, “Easiest Pre-U Course Ever Available”.

My apologies. It’s just me complaining on how tough AusMat was. =P It probably is the easiest, because we have yet to compare it with other pre-U courses. But as we went through the months, getting to know more about other courses, everybody seemed to be claiming that their courses are the hardest. Mind you, of course it is hard. It’s your one and only experience. Unless you have experienced all the different different pre-U courses available, then maybe you have the rights to say so. But as of now, na-uh.

First day of AusMat: “Oooohhh! So cool! So cool! Must study hard! Must study hard! Yeah! Assignment? AIYAK! Nehmind! Do!! Do!! Do properly and get good marks.”

First week of AusMat: “Wah! Subject very interesting! Okay! Can study! Can do it!”

First month of AusMat: “Woi. Parking like crap, jam like mad. Siennn! Oih? EXAM AH? SHITTT!”

First Evaluation Exam: “Huh? Why results so poor one? It’s okay, still got one more sem to cover up! Add oil!!”

One month before EE2: “SO MUCH TO COVER! HOW TO STUDY?!”

EE2: “I think I know how to do this! EYH?! CANNOT DO?! SHITTT!!!”

Return of EE2 results: “What on earth? Why am I scoring so low? What have I been doing? OKAY! MUST BUCK UP FOR MOCK!!!!”

Mock: “omg. Is this for real? GG.”

Mock results: “OH SHITT!!! CONFIRM GG LIAO! NOooooooooooooo~”

Last day of AusMat: T.T

Being in college is like being stuck in high school for 5 years. The only difference is that, everything within those 5 years of high school, is cramped into a short period of ten months.
Ten. Months.
Everything was happening so fast that I was literally thrown out of my own normality.
Friends. Studies. Classes. Daily routine.
It was practically messed up. =/

But looking at the bright side, despite how much that had happened, I learned so much more even though it was only within a short period of time. And I have nobody else to thank but you, each and every one of you who have stepped into my life for the past ten months. Each and every one of you, have taught me so much, that by mentioning it all, it would probably bore you until you’ll just stop here and search for something else more entertaining to do. Even by reading this, I thank you! For your support, for reading this, even though I may or may not know you, you took some of your precious time to come and pay by blog a visit; I thank you with a sincere heart of mine.

However so, I do wish to apologise.
Apologise if I have offended you in any way, (please do tell me if I do)
Apologise if I have caused misunderstandings in any way,
Apologise if I have been rude to you,
Apologise if I have not been listening to you,
Apologise for not appreciating things,
Apologise if I have annoyed you, with all my nonsense,
Apologise, for everything that I have done, to create that discomfort that you have on me.
I, apologise.

Okay. Now I would want to thank you! Thank you for being a part of my college life.
Thank you, for the memories we shared,
Thank you, for making an appearance in my life,
Thank you, for all those that you have thought me,
Thank you, for making me realise things that I have missed,
Thank you, for being patient with me up until today,
Thank you, for being who you are.
Really, thank you.

I saw a rainbow today. Yes, I am random and mad at times, but I have been yearning to catch a glimpse of a rainbow, for like ever. I remember the last time I saw a rainbow was at the very beginning of this year. And today, mr. Rainbow made an appearance again. It seems like it has some connection with AusMat or something. But I am thankful, that I manage to catch that glimpse of rainbow today. It was a good day today. This year, is something that I would definitely remember.

and not to mention the awesomest people i have met throughout the whole of AusMat!
beginning of the year, i had a different set of friends, and thank goodness, i managed to break out of my own shell and gotten to know more people, and also to know how awesome these people are. magnificent.
We could raid Ikea with the whole bunch of us, sitting there in the sofa area where it is blocked for the public for viewing, just to take a group photo.
We could raid the discussion room like nobody's business, until the librarian had to come and break us up,
We could raid almost any restaurants with us, one huge group of AusMat people, just to have a meal together,
We, simply did almost everything together.
i am glad that everything happened as it is,
i, have no regrets this year.
everything was in place,
everything was right,
everything, every moment, was an awesome one.
=)

thank you. all of you. it was really difficult for me to accept the fact that AusMat is over. but i guess there is nothing left to do, but to accept it as it is.
=')

good luck to all of you in the future,
keep it up with the awesomeness each and everyone of you have,
you, are special.

<3

i believe there is a reason to everything.
as a person, a plain human, living on the surface of the earth,
you and i, we learn to accept that fact, and make the best out of everything.

but because not every reasons are best not to be revealed,
many of us still live in the shadows.
we would might as well not know the absolute truth that we were all been looking for.
we have no proof for sure if a particular statement is entirely true or false.
yes, we learn. but it had always been a choice for us to believe or not to.
when we choose to believe what was being told, we, will flip if we do find out the real truth behind it all. in a way, it evokes the side of us who wants to know more until we are satisfied with what we want to hear.
when we choose not to believe, we would still be questioning. just in some ways which is...

... I CAN'T GET ON WITH THIS!!

i just don't trust humans.
they could've just brainwashed me in anyway possible, believing in whatever that they claim to be true.
goodness knows why lying was brought upon to civilization in the first.
sigh...

that was weird somehow.
it felt like i was talking to myself.
the whole time.
i don't know why. but i just babbled on.
it's funny how he wants to talk, but he is restricting himself.
so i continued talking, hoping it wouldnt be awkward.
well. it wasn't awkward.
it was just rather quiet.
i know he has so much to say, but he just didn't know who to say it.
=(

and i have my reasons to why i am in such a mind.
because i see the benefit in everything else with my absence
and it has made me want to help people even more
but as i said, i have my limits
at one point, i just felt so tired of helping people, that i decided that i want to reach out to those like animals and children where they are exploited and are unable to have their own stand.
they mean so much more to me, because they are never bothered.
people are so absorbed into themselves that they chose to keep that thought as they are the superior ones over those who can't speak up for themselves.
for i know, it is difficult to change a human, thus i don't see why should we help them when they themselves aren't willing to help themselves.
yes. i have learnt to be selfish.
what i have seen throughout my 18 years alive, has given me that mindset.

everybody have their own perspective in lives,
for those who have succeeded to climb out of the dark, into the sunlight,
they will share their thoughts and experiences as well as conclusions.
for those who have seen the downside of life and have a positive thought out of it,
they will tell the world what it really is on the otherside.
everybody seems to be fighting, saying that their theory is right
everybody is protecting their own pride in what they have found
everybody wants to be right.

i... have to stop and listen.

i just felt like posting something today.
i can't sleep.
nobody to blame, it's just me being hyped thanks to the release of SNSD's 3rd album.
what bothers me is how much effort SM is putting in on SNSD compared to other artists under it's belt. nowonder HanKyung left. =/

anyways, let's just say, i'm a huge fan of SNSD.
infact, the word 'huge' itself is an UNDERSTATEMENT!
i have a history with SNSD. =P
they were the first Kpop artist whom i actually liked.
and thanks to them, i ventured further into the Kpop industry, going gaga over other Kpop artists as well, until today.
in fact, i would actually chase Kpop more than the mainstream english songs.
but then again, there is a down factor in Kpop; their vocals aren't as strong as the westerners.
one up point that Kpop have, however, would be their dancing.
it somehow grew, and seemed to be growing still, which is good, because Kpop today, is like some viral, attacking every corner of the world, exception to North Korea that is.

let's start with how i got into this Kpop fandom-kingdom.
i just shifted school and i had to let go of a newfound passion; cheerleading.
and since i can't get myself into anything related to cheerleading anymore, the closest to cheerleading would be dancing.
this was about 2007.
i was paying a visit to my friends from my previous school and was wondering why were they so hyped up about some people singing and dancing to some foreign language.
it get me thinking, "what on earth? korean? you understand anything meyh?".
but then they showed me SNSD.
by then they already had 'Into The New World' and 'Girls' Generation' (a self titled single, haha!) and my friends were all excited about the release of the latest single, 'Kissing You'.
i initially thought, "woi! why you all screaming and saying; "omgomg! she's so cute!" when she's a girl and you're a girl?!".
but what caught my attention was their dancing.
not much of the singing, but the dancing.
i immediately went home and begin learning the dance to 'Into The New World'.
and poof. my love for both SNSD and Kpop was ignited!
ever since, every single time SNSD releases a new song, i would be hogging the computer and learning the dance.
not only SNSD. if i come across any cool or adorable dances that catches my attention within that Kpop industry, i WILL learn!

little did i know, the whole world seem to be drowned by the hallyu wave now.
and i am sad to say, sometimes i am embarrassed to be a fan when i see a fan who says; "i'm a big fan of SNSD!" or any other groups, and starts dancing and singing to it.
what embarrasses me is that, they think they are good at what they're doing.
it makes me cringe when they claim that they are the biggest fan of a certaincertain kpop artist.
it'll make me go, "oh, really?"
because i, myself am not considered 'the biggest fan'.
in fact, there is no such thing as 'the biggest fan', because if you love your artist, okay, NOBODY NEEDS TO COMPARE WITH YOU!
because, there is not way that love can be measured, right? ;)

and i also find it really hard for me to follow when these kpop artist begins to venture to different countries, like Japan and the States.
for example, we have Wonder Girls.
dear earthlings, the song 'Nobody' was released in the year 2008.
and now, it's already 2011, can you people PLEASE STOP SINGING IT?!
you people are only singing it now, because JYP was the smart guy who made Wonder Girls venture into the States.
i initially liked Wonder Girls too. but they ventured into foreign market and had never come back to the Kpop scene but had that intention of making the song, 'Nobody' recognised worldwide, was pure bullcrap to me.
owh wait. they came back last year. with the song, "Two Different Tears".
They only promoted it for a short time and left the scene again.
apparently, they were REALLY BUSY in the States.
as of now, i no longer like Wonder Girls.

SNSD did venture into the Jpop scene.
which got me quite upset in a way.
but thank goodness my loyalty did not disappear. HAHA!
because eventhough they were in Japan, they were still considerably active in the Kpop scene - korean version of 'Mr. Taxi'.
that was about it during their Japan promotion.
and now, we have SNSD coming back to the Kpop scene with 'The Boys'.
not only that, they even produced and english version of the song.
in a way, it is making SNSD venture into the international market, as in 'finding a way to penetrate' into the States' market.
=D
i'm pretty sure they are going really BIG this time.
haha!
i can rest in peace, the album is in korean!
but i guess if they go venture to the states, i'll follow them still.

Kpop itself is a topic 'too-big' to talk about.
i would need to be given a specific topic about kpop in order to talk about it.
otherwise, i will definitely get myself confused. =P

p/s: i have almost all of SNSD's albums.
also a big fan of Super Junior, but ultimately, it would still be SNSD. =)

please do go check out their new MV in english, 'The Boys'. ;D

i'm down to just three days of college left.
with no choice, i have to leave this as it is.
with a heavy heart, with a happy smile, i will leave this at it is.
this year, i have learned a lot.
i've learn to listen to myself sing,
i've learn to take credit for myself,
i've learn to appreciate myself a little more than i normally would,
i've learn to grow,
i've learn to learn,
i've learn to understand things better,
i've learn that not everyone will remain forever,
i've learn not to take promises fullheartedly,
i've learn that studying is important,
i've learn that driving is a dangerous thing to do almost everyday,
i've learn to accept things, the hard way, with tons of complains.
i've learn that people actually do care,
i've learn that playing and studying at the same time is actually okay, provided that you did study beforehand,
i've learn that the rainbow never comes when i wants it to appear. T.T
i've learn to be a mother,
i've learn to game,
i've learn to be more outspoken,
i've learn to me more of myself.

the list can just go on and on.
let's just leave it as it is.
otherwise i might start going all emotional over it.
haha!
=)

family day.
we used to have that.
back when i was still in primary school.
and then my bro and sis were still in high school.
but as i grew, they grew too.
as time went by, they went to universities, and the tradition stopped there.
and now, it's just me eating at home with my uncle and auntie.

i would follow my aunt to pick up my sis and bro from school when i was still preschooling.
i would follow her and sit in the car and stone in her,
gets excited when i see people starting to flood out of the school gate,
getting even more excited when i see that face i was searching for amongst the crowd and go "there! there! come already!!"
haha. =)
and if i had the chance to, i would go out to those 'very-smart-conmen-vendor-who-always-waits-at-the-front-of-the-school-to-wait-for-people-to-be-conned' and spend a few bucks for the sake of buying something.
awh.
i really am being nostalgic here.
i wonder why.
but anyhow, i shall continue.
then we would drive home, and my auntie will continue with her cooking.
she would cook awesome food, filling and yummy for everybody to eat.

during the weekends,
we would all go out for dinner together,
back then, for me to pick a dish would be a forbidden thing.
but it was nice.
everybody would sit together, wait for the food to be served, eat together, leave together.
the time for the family to bond.
and then there were certain days where we would go out to shopping malls to do shopping, or just doing window shopping.

ahk.
i can't go on with that nostalgic part.
=/
because i appreciated nothing back then.
now that i no longer have that, i do have tons of things that i do miss.
one, for instance would be the family dinner that we normall had.
this one, i missed the most.
in comparison with the times where i was pretty much forbidden to do orderings,
now it is me, asking them to go out for dinner together, and me doing certain orderings.
the only reason to why this had change, was due to my bro and sis being working adults, and having their own lives now.

it is also hard to go out shopping now,
i would practically have to drag my aunt just to get her out of the house now.
=/
i really do miss those days.
and now, i would really be happy if my bro and sis do come home, and bring both my aunt and uncle out for a proper dinner.
best part, i get to order too!
but this is really rare.
my sis is all the way down there in australia, and bro is always MIA.
=(

even now, my aunt doesn't really bother cooking proper food anymore.
thanks to me bro who is always MIA.
that, in turn made me not want to come home to eat too,
feeling like it would be troublesome for my auntie to think what to cook for the 3 of us, her, my uncle and i.

and then i remember we used to cramp up the car just to do some travellings!
to cameron, to genting, to fraser's, to ipoh.
dang
i really miss those days.
=(

and now, i don't even spend as much time at home as i used to already.
all i do is come home, and stone in my room, sleep, and then leave.
i do feel bad for what i'm doing.
but...

things are pushing me away.
but what pulls me back is still my auntie.
i worry for my auntie.
i do.
=/