you can count on me like 1 2 3
i'll be there
and i know when i need it
i can count on you like 4 3 2
you'll be there
cause that's what friends are supposed to do

such songs cooing on how friends are meant to be
but the question is,
is it possible that there are friendships that could last a lifetime?
as the years go by, slowly these friendships seems to be drifting away
ironically, friendship ends with the word ship,
does that make it a nature for friendships to drift away on the vast ocean?

friendships are like ships without anchors.
they depend on one another to survive in the trecherous unpredictable ocean
the only thing that keeps them together is through a single rope

speaking of which,
there are two possibilities to why friendships slip
one could be the fact that one is ignorant and could not be bothered to save the friendship.
the other could be the fact that they both are busy with their own lives that they did not realise the friendship has drifted too far apart to even catch back.

as we sail along with the wind and current,
we bump into other ships.
here, another question goes,
should i try to see what this ship has to offer or should i just go on sailing?

...

i am making no sense with this post.
but yeah.

back to reality.
friends will always be there,
they are just hidden right there in that tiny black spot at the back of our heads sometimes
other times it's right in front of our eyes, but we choose to neglec it
friendship is also another thing that requires the counter reaction between the two parties.

...

when a bigger group of ships gather, you have your own fishing village!
lol
that was random.
but it makes sense!
when you feel uncomfortable amongst this fishing village,
you pack, and begin to drift off again,
but at least now, you know that there is a fishing village back there where you can return to if you get tired of sailing alone.

it's contradicting.
it will always be a mystery to me.
i will always be.

each and every one of us, have our own personality,
each and every one of us, have our own thoughts,
each and every one of us, have our own beliefs.

it is basically what shapes us into a person of who we are today,
we see twins, growing up within the same family, same face even, but you could easily identify them as their own, that is if you actually have time to learn them better as individuals.

we grow up with the environment affecting us in almost every step of the way.
family, friends, surroundings, everything!
a simple reason to why we question at 'everything' when we do encounter them,
that way, we learn, we learn what it is, how it is, and why it is like that.
sometimes, we don't get the answer that we were looking for, we would normally end up making our own assumptions... until we finally know the truth.
maybe you can tell me that, 'not everything people say can be true, what if we belived in a lie?'
what i would say is that,
if you do know the truth, would you want to change your belief and believe with the current truth told, or would you want to continue believing in a lie when you already know it's the truth?
'what if you don't even know whether it's a lie or not?'
it is fine, because as long as you know what is true, why doubt yourself?

speaking about doubt,
it is closely related to beliefs.
there is a fine line between 'believe' and 'believe but with doubts'
well, the word 'doubt' there already stands as an obvious proof that you are not confident with what you believe in, yet you insist in believing.
these doubts can cause trouble, it only depends on how a person choose to react when this belief is countered or questioned.
you could be defending your belief in an hardcore manner as you choose not to accept whatever the others may be telling you,
or
you could be listening, but still disagreeing with what is being told, silently,
or
you just simply choose not to care.
i honestly think that the third option would be the best,
but then again, the third option meant that you truly believe in what you believe in already.
ahah! i think i just contradicted myself.
but of course, 'believe but with doubts' can be easily strenghtened to 'believe' as it is easy to listen, accept, and eliminate the doubts. =)

i hope i ain't bringing you on some rollercoaster ride that you're all giddy of.
cause i'm pretty sure i lost myself in the event of typing this out.
=O
sorry!
owh and,
here, i am not applying this to every single individual, because everybody is different.
i accept that you do not agree with what i say, please to share with me your thoughts. =)
i shall continue... =F

on an account of my personal thoughts,
my beleifs are always the opposite.
i don't belive in the existence of god,
i don't believe that it is necessary to have a religion,
i can never believe that i will be a successful person someday in the future.
in contrary, my auntie would say that i'm saying all these because i'm seeking attention.
then my doubts kick in, because she is so influential to me, it does make me feel like i am doing so sometimes,
it then caused me to keep low at times,
but at times, it also caused me to just spill every piece of me to whoever, which includes random people.

a belief is true, if you believe it is.
for instance, if you believe you can get good results for your examination,
you will still be satisfied with the effort you have given,
because you believed you can do it, and so you will give it your all,
in the end, even if the results did not reach up to par,
you will still be satisfied, because,
you have done you best,
you did not doubt yourself,
you believed in what you believed in.

so, why should one's beliefs be questioned in any way,
since it is has built who we are,
shaped how we think,
gave us strength to be able to stand on our own two feet to face the gruelsome reality of life?

on second thought,
yes, you can have questions about what they believe in,
but why not approach them with that curiosity of yours along with the willingness to learn about what they believe in and not question like 'why the hell are you believing in the crap anyways?'
that, is emotionally wrong.
why not show some repect?
after all, what comes around, goes around.

she was dressed in red,
he was donned in a suit,
this day was to come someday,
it finally is here. =)

well. let me begin with this whole wedding thingy.
i remember two to three years ago, i would be busy asking when is my sis and bro gonna get married.
i asked til a point where i just couldn't bother asking anymore.
and then suddenly, these two were gonna get married at around the same time.
which also means i have quite alot to do.
which, i like.
cos it keeps me busy. =)

one of my cousin had her wedding last year (or was it two?)
i wasn't the 'ji mui' so i didn't do much.
which was good in a way.
cos it was the traditional "go to wife's house, go through a series of good-for-nothing-games, enter her room, pick her up, voila! she is your wife."
heh.
it's fun, but i find it quite silly.
back then, i was only the 3rd photographer.
hahahahahha! and then, my bro still had a spare dslr for me to snap some shots.
but he decided to sell it. and so, you have me here, complaining about him selling it away, when he could've given or maybe sell it to me. hrmph.
anyway, her 'ji mui' didn't even help her out on her wedding night.
i was the one following her and helping her out throughout the whole night.
-.-

wedding isn't as simple as
'wahh! it's a fairy tale come true! the bride is so pretty! the groom is so handsome! awwwh! they look good together! the wedding looks so pretty!'
NO!
it requires a workload of plannings.
plannings that could work up to one whole year, just to make sure that one day, runs perfectly.
not only that, it requires a lot of money.
so yes, OF COURSE IT IS PRETTY!! D=
if you do consider how much effort you put in, just to make it perfect, it is even much more beautiful than what meets the eye. =)

i am my sister's bridesmaid.
her wedding is on the 8th of January 2012.
i, have alot to do.
but, i like it!
=D

just few days back, i had to go bridesmaid dress hunting with my sister, and her two other friends who will be bridesmaid too.
i found two to three dresses that fits me,
but all of the bridesmaid dresses has to be in sync.
so the outing was a failed one,
cos we couldn't find the right one for all three of us.
and we had not enough time anyways.
honestly, it felt like i was trying out dresses for prom night.
hahhahahaha! the fact that i have never been to prom, and the fact that Malaysia only has prom because of the US culture, it feels quite nice.
i got to try on about 7 to 8 dresses from 3 different shops.
=D
=D
=D
was tempted to try other dresses as well, but i was on a mission, so i couldn't. =(

owh well. that was only the beginning.
i'm pretty sure i have much more to work with.
for example, suggesting ideas for the interior decorations of her wedding eating area.
it is now that i see how complicating weddings can be.
=X

and today, is my brother's Registration Of Marriage day.
HAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahha!
it was a good day. =)

now i'm wondering about my own marriage.
=O

5.24pm.
i have about ten minutes to crap here.
heh.
let's see what i can come up with.

here's this thing about ausmat people.
they do almost everything together.
that just makes everything fun. =D
one example, we play CS together.
we would all gather there at the Discussion Room, whenever any of us has any free time and not having that plan to study.
it could almost be considered as the AusMat room if and only if...
we could seal up the room and not allow anyone else in other than us AusMat people.
but then again, it's a public room, so yes, we can't do anything about that.
one thing is for sure though, we AusMat people will be there somehow.
unless the whole room is occupied with strangers and there is no place left for any of us to sit, that is.

what do we do here, really?
it's the library. WE STUDY!
yeah right.
i'd like to think that we do, but at least 50% of the time, we don't.
it's just a place for us to gather, chat, joke, laugh, and enjoy ourselves.
hey, don't get me wrong, we still do study there.
but the noise pollution there is normally so bad that the librarian has to occassionally pay us a visit to keep our volumes low.
it is quite funny how the moment the door to that discussion room opens, the noise within just travels across the library hall in that instant.
it would be a bad idea to be talking in foul language quite loudly, just in case that happens. quite funny actually. xD

owh yes.
there are several other groups here in the discussion room as well.
for those who thing they can study for 3hours straight here, must be quite deaf to actually tune out the noise.
there is also the 'nerd' group.
these people will be there 'camping' at their base, playing computer games, all. day. long.
owh. there isn't any computer here in the discussion room, these people bring their own laptops to game.
all the latest games would most probably be discussed here.
after all, it IS the discussion room.
along with video games, there are also anime and gundam groupings here if i am not mistaken.

what i am going to miss most about this library, is that we would all gather in this other computer room in the library, just to play CS.
one word to describe this would be, EPIC.

in a way, we not only conquered the Discussion Room, we also conquered the computer room in the library.
neheheheheh.
but they banned CS already.
so i guess that is the end of it.
=(

it's 5.37pm now.
that's all i can vomit as of now.
hehe.
thank you for reading.
<3

i love animals.

i really do.
just that whiskey doesn't seem to to like it when i pet her,
she doesn't seem to like it when anyone tries to touch her, actually.
and dao dao is kinda scary at times,
he can get a little rough sometimes, but he is glued to my auntie.
and bubbly is annoying cos he doesn't eat at times,
he has problems eating, which worries me, but there was nothing i could do about it.
and i? am always walking in and out of the house, almost ignoring them.
whiskey and bubbly are both cats, and dao dao is a dog.
i love them, just that i don't really get to spend much time with them.
heh.
my aunt takes care of them, so... i mainly observe them whenever i feel like it.

i can sit there and stare at an ant or spider, or whatever living thing for hours and not get bored.
at least i think i can.
animals' behaviour interests me.
unlike us humans, they have nothing to hide,
it's just us, being unable to understand what their expressions or emotions mean
but surely, what they try to express, is normally clear and unhidden.

as a matter of fact, i can't stand the sight of an injured animal.
i remember when i was younger, a pigeon flew into my grandma's house, and hit the fan.
pretty sure that pigeon broked it's wing.
and i knew what was happening, all i could do was scream, shout and cry.
every single time i see a dead animal on the road, i would also scream, get goosebumps and also feel really uncomfortable after that sight.
which is unavoidable, because when a person drives, the probability of seeing a dead animal on the road, is always there.
now, i learnt that i can't look at these carcasses on the roads and i'll just get myself occupied by looking at the mirrors and not on the road for that split second until i passed that 'mass' on the road.
and. just a few minutes ago, i saw this video on the cruelty of humans on the sharks, just to get their sharkfins.
damnit. they could just slice of their fins and throw those poor finless sharks back into the ocean, waiting for it's death.
honestly saying, I CRIED WATCHING THAT VIDEO!
i really did.
poor things. they can't speak human language and speak for themselves.
omg.
true enough we are humans, and we are somehow 'superior' over animals, but it doesn't mean we should be treating the animals like they are nothing.
yes they can scream and all, but i'm pretty sure those who are hungry of the huge amount of money offered, are able to ignore the screams and the inhumanity crap they are doing.

i am frustrated.
i am disappointed to be a human in this sense.
where humans use their superior powers in the wrong ways

there is a reason why they are around before us humans, existence.
in fact, i'm pretty sure there are REASONS for their existence in the first place.
and now, we are the smartest out of all the species on the surface of the earth,
and we cannot seem to stand it if there is a single species out there that could possible overpower us some day.
nope, i'm pretty sure we can't.
thus the ruthless and heartless doings of us humans, on those who we can overpower,
just to show that "you can't overpower me, if you ever do exist, you still can't"

okay, at some point, i do believe i am not making sense at all.
but yeah.
oops.

i want to study animal science.
either studying their behaviour, or them themselves.
whatever it is, i'm sure that i want to study animals.

yeay.
i am going nowhere with this post.
hahahahahhaha!
just stop animal cruelty,
i beg of you,
please do stop.
='(

results were like SHIT.

beyond repair.
no. it is repairable.
note the 'were' in that first sentence. it was raw.
definitely proves that i am determined to do better the next time around.
ROAR!
but really, my results were pretty crappy.
=(

psycho was the most upsetting results.
from a previous 55%, i dropped to a fail.
which i expected cos i couldn't answer the questions at all during the exam.
i stayed back two whole weeks, just trying to cover what miss jane has taught, but, it didn't seem to work.
as an effect, i started to make my own notes.
which i started on the friday during the hols.
i don't want to fail my psycho again. i want to improve. i will improve.

maths.
it is BAD as usual.
but i still believe i can improve if i do more practise.
33 out of 80.
and a 2 out of 20.
*i am dead if my sister reads this*
adding the two up, i have a total of 35 out of 100.
at least i had a slight bit of confidence more than the previous test.
the previous Evaluation Exam was pure bullcrap.
why? because teacher gave us the question that were going to be tested on the exam.
but i was 'too smart' that i couldn't bother asking around how to solve it.
so i went in with an empty knowledge of knowing how to do the questions.
too smart.
well. last month, we were bombarded with math tests, almost every week.
it pretty much prepared me to sit for this exam.
but yeap. i didn't focus as much on math as i did with psycho.
which i shouldn't have. which i pretty much regret doing.
i just need to do more practise with my maths.
i must.

chemistry.
i have yet to get my results back.
i am waiting in agony.
i am prepared to see it coming back with less than 40 for this exam.
the previous exam, it was that bad that i got only 44.
i am so not proud of it.
been reading chem every now and then whenever i could.
let's just see what the outcome is.
cos i am pretty sure i did really badly for this one.

bio.
i could've done better.
my essays are suffering. i couldn't hit the exact point the lecturers were looking for.
i lost a pretty huge amount of marks there.
=/
i love bio.
thank goodness it's my highest scoring subject of the 5.
but then again, it's only average when compared to everybody else.

eald.
16/20 and 12/20
28/40
i am pretty impressed with my first part.
and i thank blogging for that.
but my 2nd part seems pretty screwed up, doesn't it?
heh. it was the movie review thingy. i guess i couldn't really relate.
cos i had two whole pages lined at the side with the word 'narration' written on it.
but really.
my synthesis has improved! YEAY!
now i have to nail oral speaking. *mutters*

owh yeah.
this is definitely a rant post.
and i don't care.
i needed to say this.
simply because,

college life isn't as easy as you think.
people may look like they play all day, but these people really do study.
that is the ultimate proof to "study hard, play hard".
as for people like me, who are pretty much brainless and lazy, we can stand at the side, and sweep up dust and dirt off the floor as the smart and hardworking ones can stand tall, and doesn't even notice our existence.
this. is a general statement.
what i'm trying to say is that, laziness, will get us nowhere.
especially at this era.
like seriously.
i do look down at those who don't take initiative to do almost anything.
there may be people who we see as 'smart but lazy'
because we don't see them studying and yet score extremely well during exams.
well, the truth is, they do study, jsut that we DON'T see them study.
that immediately eliminates a stereotype part of me towards these people.
because as time goes by, as we grow older, we are bombarded with more and more work,
if ever we do get lazy at any point, we fall, we fall to the point where we most probably have to start from square one all over again.
but if we do work hard, the outcome is always priceless.
always.
and if you're always envious of a person who seems lazy and always scores well,
just remember, they will not be in that state for a very long time.
besides, what we say, may be deceiving our thoughts.
after all, we choose what we want to see.

heh.
suddenly it doens't make sense.
owh well.

study hard and smart, people!
SACE and WACE, it's the same battle we are fighting for, ATAR. =X
good luck! ;)

i, finally have my own laptop.

though when i finally saw it with my own two eyes, i was not as excited as i was when i first knew that i was going to get this one.
prolly cos i had my mind occupied with several crap of my own.
and my bro was setting up this laptop for me.
so yeah. i guess i was excited before, but it came in at the wrong time?
hrmm.
but i am glad that i finally have one of my own.

i have been talking about wanting a laptop for my own for quite some time now.
i am even talking about it in college.
at certain times, i do believe i was mentioning it for boasting sake.
but yeah. i really believe i was. =/

was initially targetting the 15z, but it was pricey, and i was settling for 15R if i really couldn't get the 15z.
which i told my bro, the specs i wanted for the laptop i want.
and he found one.
i was really excited then. haha!
it has specs almost similar with the 15z.
and i was way cheaper than 15z as well.
but there is one downside.
it's HP.
newspapers have been reporting about HP stopped their production of computer stuffs. which could pose some bad effects; if i do wreck my laptop, will i be able to repair it?
but my bro sounded convinced that i still can repair it.
so yeah. i went ahead with it.
and... voila! i have a new laptop. for my own!
*no more smuggling people's laptop. yeay!*

i shall continue boasting about my new 'baby'.
hehe
i got her for 2650. compared with the 3799 price for 15z, i easily saved 1k.
it has the specs of 15.6 inch screen, with i7 core.
noob much, but that was pretty much all i look for, other than the price.
neheh.
and and and. it has beats audio. which is pretty cool to me.
it is still cool. =O
but the thing is, it is pretty heavy.
been comparing it with the previous laptop that i kept smuggling, this one is heavier.
well, DUH! it's bigger. =/
now i'm really worried that i might actually wreck it.

dang. i'm too used to that laptop i smuggled, this laptop really does look big. o.o
it even has a num pad.
still loving the screen size.
i'm like spazzing over my newly possessed laptop.

okay. i'm done boasting.
now. how do i transfer all my songs from the desktop to this laptop?
hrm...

ah yes. my bro tested and played warcraft when this laptop first came home.
so, i now have warcraft 3 in my laptop.
i asked him if he could install C.S. for me.
he then responded, "go get from your friends la."
and then he asked, "play where? in the college library ah?"
haha. i just nodded. =F

one of the most magical thing that i consider,
most powerful of all magical,
one that could practically change everything with it's presence.
such magical could not be explained by any other means, other than magical itself.
it is in such manner whereby, life only begins with this...

yeah. that.
figurative has to come to an end.
i really have no clue what i would come up with, definitely spoiling the whole concept, to begin with.
even that sentence before this doesn't make sense. like at all.
-.-

i shall start talking like me. =)

my initial thought was to make this topic sound as though it is the most important thing to every single person alive.
i ran out of creative juice, and i am pretty sure i was losing myself somewhere up there, so i am going straight to the point!

SLEEP!
... what?

no really.
SLEEP!!

as a kid, i know most of us would have 'curfew' hours, and we MUST go to sleep at a certain time.
if we didn't, we would get scoldings, or parents would just say something to threaten us, kids to go to bed.
back then, we wanted to be cool, so we tried many sneaky ways to stay up til late.
at least, i did. =O
and then we reached the teen era.
we sleep as late as we could, not sleeping even, for some "reasons".
ended up with us sleeping in during the day.
where we can end up sleeping for 12 hours or even more at times.
and some of those reasons include,
studying for exam,
doing assignments,
or some entertainment, like gaming, watching movie, or anything, actually.
whatever it is, we were staying up late.
in fact, we ARE still staying up late.
and parents couldn't care less anymore.
but they were still there, constantly reminding us to sleep early.
prolly throwing in a lil sarcasm with their loving reminders. =)

parents knew best.
okay. not all the time, but they do know what is best for us.

i myself have difficulties IF i don't get enough sleep.
i, will feel tired.
heck. i'm pretty sure i've complained about sleeping not too long ago. =O
but yeah. if i don't get enough sleep, my back will ache.
and then i can't focus on my driving.
what more, the whole day would just pass in daze.
true, i may be HIGH and go MAD for awhile, but i'll tire out soon enough.

sleeps are awesome because,
your body automatically tells you to go to sleep, even if you don't want to.
your body saves you from boredom when you are in a boring situation.
you only dream when you are sleeping.
you only get deja vu when you are sleeping.
you can sleep walk, and not remember anything.
you can do whatever you want to do, in your dreams, when you sleep.
you can relax, when you sleep.
you rejuvenate when you sleep.
you feel awesome when you wake up from a good sleep.
you feel terrified when you wake up from a bad dream in a sleep.
you can feel that you are about to die, and then waking up, alive.
you can do things where you won't get to do in real life, and feel like you have done it.
you get to do supernatural stuff, like fly, and run at the speed of light.
...it is the best substitute for the word 'death'.

now sleeping sounds scary.
hahahhahahah!

water.
it is a 'free' resource.
it is free to flow however, and where ever it likes.
it can be found almost everywhere.
in the sky, under the ground, and well... the sea.

such precious resource.

could actually be compared with money.

"You are spending your money like water."

in this sacrastic sentence, it means that the person is spending money as though it isn't worth consideration.
it also means that the person is spending the money, as though the money was easy to come by.
it also means that the person is spending like nobody's business.

as a general fact, spending money itself IS nobody's business.
but why is spending money, a big issue.
WHY is money, such a big issue to begin with.

money. an item, that people take possession of, that gives this weird security feeling to humans.
it seems like the most important item that a person could necessarily NEED to go on with life.
some would even risk their lives just to get possession of this 'item'.
people work day and night, neglecting their health, just to increase the amount of this 'item'.
friendships are ripped apart because of this 'item'.
family bonds are torn, shredded, burnt to non-existence because of this 'item'.
this, is reality.

money can give this sense of 'comfort' but at the same time, 'guilt'.
it can give a person 'life' while the other 'death'.

=/

i have no idea where i am going with this.
money, is a sensitive issue.
one issue that will never rest, until the end of time.