The moment when I thought I was strong enough to face it, reality gave me a slap right into my face, telling me that I still wasnt strong enough.
What the mind tells is what the mind will do. It's all in the mind, as people say. Honestly, it is much easier said than done. Not only courage is needed, a whole lot of mental preparation is needed and a whole lot of support is really that necessary.
Yet we all strive for the best, we hold on to that smallest glimmer of hope we have. To some, it may seem non-existant, but the fact that it was still there, was already comforting enough. It is practically the only reason to why we have that strength to go even when everything was unlikely.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I'd like to keep memories in my head. Keeps me feeling like I have them in my mind as fresh as possible. For I know sometimes, I'd regret that I let go of that memory a little too soon. I guess I'd rather hurt than to regret. Who knows if those precious moments will be your last. By right, every passing moment will never repeat itself. And every coming moment that we face, will bring a whole different outcome altogether. Never the exact same one, similar maybe, but never the same.
Somehow I thought by recalling such memories could actually allow easy recall of the memory sometime in the future. Something I learned from my psychology class during AusMat. Yet, this is still debatable... provided if someone had gone through some insane thinking and come up with a whole new theory by itself. Heh.
What if some memories are not worth being remembered? What if your focus had cause you to focus on something that is less important than the important one? Well, I don't know. All I know is that I have visuals flashing through my mind whenever I had free moments to spare. It usually brings me into that feeling, 'ah, that happened before.' slightly emotional sometimes. But they were definitely good memories, memories that would allow me to feel like my past was a magnificent one. Giving me that spirit to decide properly, to continue that legacy of magnificent memories. =)
Somehow I thought by recalling such memories could actually allow easy recall of the memory sometime in the future. Something I learned from my psychology class during AusMat. Yet, this is still debatable... provided if someone had gone through some insane thinking and come up with a whole new theory by itself. Heh.
What if some memories are not worth being remembered? What if your focus had cause you to focus on something that is less important than the important one? Well, I don't know. All I know is that I have visuals flashing through my mind whenever I had free moments to spare. It usually brings me into that feeling, 'ah, that happened before.' slightly emotional sometimes. But they were definitely good memories, memories that would allow me to feel like my past was a magnificent one. Giving me that spirit to decide properly, to continue that legacy of magnificent memories. =)
Monday, January 16, 2012
for a way of who i am, do i really need to explain myself?
a lost of identity, confusion and the uncertainty of who i am. when i think i am one, i turn out to be the other. what i think is normally based on what others think, little did i realise, i would get angry and would try to explain myself for the way i am. problem is, you can't control what people think of you, and i on the other hand, gets really sensitive when people talk nasty things about me, eventhough they may be good ones, where they have the intention of making me a better person. but as a person, 19 years alive with all those past i have, it was definitely something really difficult to comprehand with.
i would have to say that i am insecure. i listen to what people have to say about me really attentively, especially from my friends. as though i have built a thick bubble of protection around my head, i tend to absorb everything, but i would depend on the bubble from not erupting my true self. somesort like it. i would normally have psychotic thoughts and would normally blame myself first. i occassionally need help from someone who is sane, to listen to my abnormally insane thoughts. i have always wanted to go for a psychologist or somesort, and when i tell them to normal people, they would give me that, 'what the hell for?' look. which then strengthens the fact that they think i am insane.
i try not to find people when i am in trouble, i figured it would be better if i could solve them myself and not bother anyone. sometimes i take other people's problems and make them my own, which naturally causes me to think more than i should. it is sort of dumb for me to that, but it is something i would do as me. i've always felt like there would be no one out there who would understand what i am going through. silly, but sometimes i do feel so. as i choose not to tell it to the world. for that fear of what people would think of me in return. it is rather heartbreaking. and when i have friends whom i feel as though they were trapped as i was, i try to help them, telling them they are not alone.
fact is, almost everyone have problems of their own.
the reason why everyone has different thoughts on different scenarios, it is only the general feeling that we all have that we all share that keeps us feeling rather... safe. not lonely.
beating myself up would be a norm. that fear never seems to fade. and how people portray me is just horrifying. one would tell me i am such, when the fact, i was not at all. simply said, people just say things they feel like saying, thus creating a whole fuss out of it. stupid of me to actually absorb it all, but i do that, and i torture myself because i don't know how else am i supposed to be, for i can't see who i am, and all i want to do is improve myself for the better. parents and friends have different mindsets, it confuses me to the point where i wish i could just dig my brains out, and just end my life there and then.
ending my life is selfish, i know. and i figured, that maybe by distracting myself with other things would help me live another day. dying is by luck, even if you try to murder yourself, when it isnt your time to die, YOU WON'T DIE!
some might even say that i am only trying to get attention by being so low on myself, hoping someone would take pity of me and such. see, even that sentence is about 'what others are seeing or thinking' and it is rarely about what i sincerely think. i want to be accepted. i want attention. is that too much to ask for? i am neurotic with my actions, because i am daring, and i have nothing to lose. i make fun of myself, make myself the laughing 'thing' for people.
sometimes i try too hard to impress and eliminate the negative thoughts of me, i lose myself when i do that. it gets tiring. i think too much. i am aware of that. that is one way i have learned to be myself. i learnt to listen to what people have to say. what am i doing wrong?
have never stopped to think that i am at wrong. whenever a problem occurs, when it is me who is involved, it is an automatic response for me to blame myself first. because i realise when things turn wrong, blaming had always been the first thing that comes out from ones mouth. and they would blame others before they blame themselves, eventhough in my eyes, the observer, sees the fault clearly was the blaming one. humans have always been complicating. reason why i took up psychology. by right, it should make me want to learn more about them, but as the classes passed, there were not any answers answered directly to me, it just seems like a whole branch of problems all over again. categorising people into several groups, and then to be argued by another psychologist that it was a whole different crap to begin with. i got more confused. as a human, i got more confused.
i hate humans. i am honest as hell. i hate humans. watching the kardashian sisters just made my head feeling much more heavier than it was, wondering how it was possible that humans could actually behave in such manner when everything was right there, with solutions where everything like that could be avoided in the first place. it confuses me that people could actually be like that. then it made me realise there was nothing to be done about how people behave, how people think, how they live their lives, how they make their decisions. it would just make me go insane.
i thought by learning about people, determining which is wrong, and which is right, would make me create whom i would be seen as a normal person. there is not one person in the world who is perfect. just the random variety of humans.
the world around me meant the most to me.
i learnt to build myself from the rest.
getting crazy along the way.
i hate who i am.
it is torturing.
i can't stop either.
i don't know what to do.
a lost of identity, confusion and the uncertainty of who i am. when i think i am one, i turn out to be the other. what i think is normally based on what others think, little did i realise, i would get angry and would try to explain myself for the way i am. problem is, you can't control what people think of you, and i on the other hand, gets really sensitive when people talk nasty things about me, eventhough they may be good ones, where they have the intention of making me a better person. but as a person, 19 years alive with all those past i have, it was definitely something really difficult to comprehand with.
i would have to say that i am insecure. i listen to what people have to say about me really attentively, especially from my friends. as though i have built a thick bubble of protection around my head, i tend to absorb everything, but i would depend on the bubble from not erupting my true self. somesort like it. i would normally have psychotic thoughts and would normally blame myself first. i occassionally need help from someone who is sane, to listen to my abnormally insane thoughts. i have always wanted to go for a psychologist or somesort, and when i tell them to normal people, they would give me that, 'what the hell for?' look. which then strengthens the fact that they think i am insane.
i try not to find people when i am in trouble, i figured it would be better if i could solve them myself and not bother anyone. sometimes i take other people's problems and make them my own, which naturally causes me to think more than i should. it is sort of dumb for me to that, but it is something i would do as me. i've always felt like there would be no one out there who would understand what i am going through. silly, but sometimes i do feel so. as i choose not to tell it to the world. for that fear of what people would think of me in return. it is rather heartbreaking. and when i have friends whom i feel as though they were trapped as i was, i try to help them, telling them they are not alone.
fact is, almost everyone have problems of their own.
the reason why everyone has different thoughts on different scenarios, it is only the general feeling that we all have that we all share that keeps us feeling rather... safe. not lonely.
beating myself up would be a norm. that fear never seems to fade. and how people portray me is just horrifying. one would tell me i am such, when the fact, i was not at all. simply said, people just say things they feel like saying, thus creating a whole fuss out of it. stupid of me to actually absorb it all, but i do that, and i torture myself because i don't know how else am i supposed to be, for i can't see who i am, and all i want to do is improve myself for the better. parents and friends have different mindsets, it confuses me to the point where i wish i could just dig my brains out, and just end my life there and then.
ending my life is selfish, i know. and i figured, that maybe by distracting myself with other things would help me live another day. dying is by luck, even if you try to murder yourself, when it isnt your time to die, YOU WON'T DIE!
some might even say that i am only trying to get attention by being so low on myself, hoping someone would take pity of me and such. see, even that sentence is about 'what others are seeing or thinking' and it is rarely about what i sincerely think. i want to be accepted. i want attention. is that too much to ask for? i am neurotic with my actions, because i am daring, and i have nothing to lose. i make fun of myself, make myself the laughing 'thing' for people.
sometimes i try too hard to impress and eliminate the negative thoughts of me, i lose myself when i do that. it gets tiring. i think too much. i am aware of that. that is one way i have learned to be myself. i learnt to listen to what people have to say. what am i doing wrong?
have never stopped to think that i am at wrong. whenever a problem occurs, when it is me who is involved, it is an automatic response for me to blame myself first. because i realise when things turn wrong, blaming had always been the first thing that comes out from ones mouth. and they would blame others before they blame themselves, eventhough in my eyes, the observer, sees the fault clearly was the blaming one. humans have always been complicating. reason why i took up psychology. by right, it should make me want to learn more about them, but as the classes passed, there were not any answers answered directly to me, it just seems like a whole branch of problems all over again. categorising people into several groups, and then to be argued by another psychologist that it was a whole different crap to begin with. i got more confused. as a human, i got more confused.
i hate humans. i am honest as hell. i hate humans. watching the kardashian sisters just made my head feeling much more heavier than it was, wondering how it was possible that humans could actually behave in such manner when everything was right there, with solutions where everything like that could be avoided in the first place. it confuses me that people could actually be like that. then it made me realise there was nothing to be done about how people behave, how people think, how they live their lives, how they make their decisions. it would just make me go insane.
i thought by learning about people, determining which is wrong, and which is right, would make me create whom i would be seen as a normal person. there is not one person in the world who is perfect. just the random variety of humans.
the world around me meant the most to me.
i learnt to build myself from the rest.
getting crazy along the way.
i hate who i am.
it is torturing.
i can't stop either.
i don't know what to do.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
"too focused on expressing yourself, abandoning me"
Now to think of it. I do agree with what had happened. And I believe it is me, my behaviour that has caused this matter to occur. Now to think of it, I believe this is what my mother and aunt is experiencing.
I havent been talking to people quite normally for the past few weeks. It was only me, talking mentally to my blogposts, or chatting online with friends. Honestly, most of it were false expressions. With a solemn expressionless face over on this end, while I send out some smileys that would sound like the normal me is talking. Somehow, it came to me that I had some difficulty expressing myself in person. Feeling rather constricted, one method I could express myself freely, would be by writing. Writing itself takes me an approximate one hour or more. Short writing doesnt really work these days. And blogposts are increasing by the day.
It gets worrying. My mother and aunt are now annoyed with the fact that I am constantly on my phone, either chatting, composing or gaming away. My life seems to be as dull and emo as ever. There does not seem to be anything else I would rather do than to sit alone, think of a topic and compose something. There were tons for me to do, yet I choose to delay, delaying it to the very last minute as possible, and getting scolded all over again.
There is this one thing about me. When I get focused into something, I couldnt bother less about anything else. One would be reading. For I know, when I get my hands into some good reading material, I could just sit there for hours, reading. Now, it's writing. It felt like I had tons to talk about, yet I could only get them out in words, and not verbally. It felt as though there wasnt any point talking anymore at one point. Somewhat like whatever I say would be worth nothing. And it works best when I have them down in words instead.
"you always say people dont understand you"
Simply cause I choose not to mention them. For I fear arguements. And when arguements take place, blaming follows tightly behind it. People like me, would take all the blame, just to stop the arguement from going on. Yet deep down, knowing that it wasnt your fault at all, and thus having that uneasy feeling for god knows when. Yeah. I may be talking about myself. But this is what I am feeling right as this moment. I choose not to trouble others with my thoughts and opinions. Do I want people to understand me? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yes, because it allows me to talk freely without being judged. No, because I tend to get a little too demanding at times and it WILL annoy people; things I say would not be accepted, interpreted to something else.
"you gotta be more honest with yourself from now on"
Trying.
If you find me fake with my emotions as a person, well, it's your opinion, no arguements on that. But I am as happy as I can, taking things positively as much as I can, smiling, laughing, making a fool out of myself, pushing my problems and worries far off behind me. I do that. With those problems being pushed aside, they never fail to take over my emotions and pull me over to the darkside once in a while. I need to have my down moments too. Bottling up is how I lie to myself, that everything will be alright. It normally works. Lying to myself does not feel like a sin, yet, does this mean I am actually lying to the world too? Hrmm.
"you always portray an image where people would pity you"
Taking pity from others, is a sin to me. I hate that fact when people tell me that I make people pity me and also when people do pity me. Am I creating myself an image just to get people to pity me to get attention? Maybe some of you do agree, is it cause I managed to get your attention in that manner. Some may even tell me, my posts are all emotional based that will make my readers pity me. Maybe you are right after all. I write according to my feelings in all honesty. Whatever that comes to mind, it pours out here, and I wish to share them. I wish people could change the pity into something that would make me change myself whereby I need not to be pitied by people. Or just listen to me and not judge me.
"you stupid"
Yeah. I know. How I wish it was not true. How many hearts have I broken, with the fact that I am stupid. As much as I try, I can never change that fact. Maybe I can cover up by getting myself to learn more about things, but I will always be lacking of something. And that something will be the cause of the heartbreaks. Especially for my mother and my aunt. Tears from their eyes would be the best evident with the reality if such fact. As much as I try to pretend that I am not stupid, evidence is right there in front of everyone's eyes, would pretty much be living in denial for the rest of my life.
"when people tell you things you dont listen, when will you ever learn?"
I listen, I hear, I understand. Yet it is only applicable when I start to experience it on my own. I am hard headed, probably one of the most stubborn person anyone you have ever encountered. That way, I know I'll take a bigger hit on the things I am actually experiencing. I may look like I am not listening, but I am.
Honestly, I could sense that they are really worried about me being on my own, and it is making me feel upset too. I try to pretend not to listen, giving them the sense as though I am seriously prepared to be on my own, little did I realise, I had failed, yet feeling even more upset as I know what I did was actually making them even more worried.
Stubbornness is killing me at this point. Yet I need to keep being stubborn in order to keep myself brave enough to face aussie on my own. Cause right now, with them being worried, I am beginning to doubt myself.
Have totally lost my appetite for food. Even good food doesnt work anymore. Binge eating only worked when I just want to distract myself into doing something, that would not worry them.
I don't even know what am I supposed to do anymore. Whatever I do these days just makes them worry even more. Just when I got back from macau, my aunt cried, when my mom told her about me not eating and was constantly on the phone and related with me headed to Australia. Then, just recently, I made my mom cry. For the same things. For all I did expressing my thoughts on my phone and ignored the world.
Right now, I just reached my 2nd hour of composing.
All I wanted is to relax and not do anything, but I had elapsed into a person who chooses to hide from the world, refusing to move forward, despite the new year.
I got myself confused. Sometimes, I just dont know what is it that I want. I hate the fact that I am thinking too much about almost everything. Even petty stuffs that does not need to be thought of, it just sticks in my mind like somekind of tumour or some sort.
Have been rather emotional lately. With all that overwhelming feelings of crying, yet held on tight. There isnt any reason for my to cry, really. But the slightest things that gets into my heart, would just make my heart feel extremely heavy.
Notice the amount of times the word 'feel' had been appearing in this post itself. I have feelings, that I cant express. I wish I can. But as of now, writing it out would be the only way for me to do so.
I should stop.
P/s, I love you.
Now to think of it. I do agree with what had happened. And I believe it is me, my behaviour that has caused this matter to occur. Now to think of it, I believe this is what my mother and aunt is experiencing.
I havent been talking to people quite normally for the past few weeks. It was only me, talking mentally to my blogposts, or chatting online with friends. Honestly, most of it were false expressions. With a solemn expressionless face over on this end, while I send out some smileys that would sound like the normal me is talking. Somehow, it came to me that I had some difficulty expressing myself in person. Feeling rather constricted, one method I could express myself freely, would be by writing. Writing itself takes me an approximate one hour or more. Short writing doesnt really work these days. And blogposts are increasing by the day.
It gets worrying. My mother and aunt are now annoyed with the fact that I am constantly on my phone, either chatting, composing or gaming away. My life seems to be as dull and emo as ever. There does not seem to be anything else I would rather do than to sit alone, think of a topic and compose something. There were tons for me to do, yet I choose to delay, delaying it to the very last minute as possible, and getting scolded all over again.
There is this one thing about me. When I get focused into something, I couldnt bother less about anything else. One would be reading. For I know, when I get my hands into some good reading material, I could just sit there for hours, reading. Now, it's writing. It felt like I had tons to talk about, yet I could only get them out in words, and not verbally. It felt as though there wasnt any point talking anymore at one point. Somewhat like whatever I say would be worth nothing. And it works best when I have them down in words instead.
"you always say people dont understand you"
Simply cause I choose not to mention them. For I fear arguements. And when arguements take place, blaming follows tightly behind it. People like me, would take all the blame, just to stop the arguement from going on. Yet deep down, knowing that it wasnt your fault at all, and thus having that uneasy feeling for god knows when. Yeah. I may be talking about myself. But this is what I am feeling right as this moment. I choose not to trouble others with my thoughts and opinions. Do I want people to understand me? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yes, because it allows me to talk freely without being judged. No, because I tend to get a little too demanding at times and it WILL annoy people; things I say would not be accepted, interpreted to something else.
"you gotta be more honest with yourself from now on"
Trying.
If you find me fake with my emotions as a person, well, it's your opinion, no arguements on that. But I am as happy as I can, taking things positively as much as I can, smiling, laughing, making a fool out of myself, pushing my problems and worries far off behind me. I do that. With those problems being pushed aside, they never fail to take over my emotions and pull me over to the darkside once in a while. I need to have my down moments too. Bottling up is how I lie to myself, that everything will be alright. It normally works. Lying to myself does not feel like a sin, yet, does this mean I am actually lying to the world too? Hrmm.
"you always portray an image where people would pity you"
Taking pity from others, is a sin to me. I hate that fact when people tell me that I make people pity me and also when people do pity me. Am I creating myself an image just to get people to pity me to get attention? Maybe some of you do agree, is it cause I managed to get your attention in that manner. Some may even tell me, my posts are all emotional based that will make my readers pity me. Maybe you are right after all. I write according to my feelings in all honesty. Whatever that comes to mind, it pours out here, and I wish to share them. I wish people could change the pity into something that would make me change myself whereby I need not to be pitied by people. Or just listen to me and not judge me.
"you stupid"
Yeah. I know. How I wish it was not true. How many hearts have I broken, with the fact that I am stupid. As much as I try, I can never change that fact. Maybe I can cover up by getting myself to learn more about things, but I will always be lacking of something. And that something will be the cause of the heartbreaks. Especially for my mother and my aunt. Tears from their eyes would be the best evident with the reality if such fact. As much as I try to pretend that I am not stupid, evidence is right there in front of everyone's eyes, would pretty much be living in denial for the rest of my life.
"when people tell you things you dont listen, when will you ever learn?"
I listen, I hear, I understand. Yet it is only applicable when I start to experience it on my own. I am hard headed, probably one of the most stubborn person anyone you have ever encountered. That way, I know I'll take a bigger hit on the things I am actually experiencing. I may look like I am not listening, but I am.
Honestly, I could sense that they are really worried about me being on my own, and it is making me feel upset too. I try to pretend not to listen, giving them the sense as though I am seriously prepared to be on my own, little did I realise, I had failed, yet feeling even more upset as I know what I did was actually making them even more worried.
Stubbornness is killing me at this point. Yet I need to keep being stubborn in order to keep myself brave enough to face aussie on my own. Cause right now, with them being worried, I am beginning to doubt myself.
Have totally lost my appetite for food. Even good food doesnt work anymore. Binge eating only worked when I just want to distract myself into doing something, that would not worry them.
I don't even know what am I supposed to do anymore. Whatever I do these days just makes them worry even more. Just when I got back from macau, my aunt cried, when my mom told her about me not eating and was constantly on the phone and related with me headed to Australia. Then, just recently, I made my mom cry. For the same things. For all I did expressing my thoughts on my phone and ignored the world.
Right now, I just reached my 2nd hour of composing.
All I wanted is to relax and not do anything, but I had elapsed into a person who chooses to hide from the world, refusing to move forward, despite the new year.
I got myself confused. Sometimes, I just dont know what is it that I want. I hate the fact that I am thinking too much about almost everything. Even petty stuffs that does not need to be thought of, it just sticks in my mind like somekind of tumour or some sort.
Have been rather emotional lately. With all that overwhelming feelings of crying, yet held on tight. There isnt any reason for my to cry, really. But the slightest things that gets into my heart, would just make my heart feel extremely heavy.
Notice the amount of times the word 'feel' had been appearing in this post itself. I have feelings, that I cant express. I wish I can. But as of now, writing it out would be the only way for me to do so.
I should stop.
P/s, I love you.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
of selfishness.
we all are selfish in a way, buried deep down in our souls. whether we like it or not, we all are still selfish people. it only depends on how we project our selfish self to the world.
*am not too sure if i have come across this topic before, but i guess i will just go ahead with it. =)*
with selfishness, we opened ourselves to different possibilities. the main reason why some people would have to sacrifice almost everything in order to succeed in whatever that was intended to do. little did we know, we would be deemed as selfish when we make a decision to focus on that particular thing that we were to do. simple example would be portrayed when i took up the decision on travelling to australia to study Zoology. if one stops to ponder on this, it is actually one very selfish thing to do. first of all, it costs alot, and a career that comes after did not guarantee me a good income. selfishness of that is that i was practically leeching money off my mother's belt in order to do something that I WANTED TO DO.
arguements may come about, debating that, 'it is your future, it should be something that you want to do, you can always give the money back later'. which can be quite true. in retrospect, i would have to restrict my mother from spending money on herself, as she has to save those money just for me to study. honestly? i asked her if i was selfish, she had not hasitate to tell me that i was selfish that i was literally leeching her dry just to study.
another one? 'why not pick the uni that costs less?'. why did i not? i could probably save tons if i were to do that. as a defending statement, i would say it is because the education is as expensive as how the price is. don't get me wrong, i did opt for the cheaper cost, but if the best had accepted you, would you not pick the best one? it is similar to the cases where you choose to buy things, we see the things with better quality end up the pricier ones, and would normally end up with the 2nd best. on occasion cases, these 2nd best does not ALWAYS end up as good as the first one. but then again, it only depends on the individual. 2nd best still works BEST for some of us. it still does.
i admit, i am selfish with my decision. but if you were to speak to me about selfishness, i would probably tell you that the best option is to STOP STUDYING AND START WORKING.
*just as i was talking about selfishness, my brother just took the fan away and faced it towards him, now i'm heating up on the other side of the room. do you really want to argue with me on this one?*
though we may be selfish little bastards walking around amongst every other selfish bastards, there are times where we should learn to be selfless. and that, would be the best thing to do, it is somewhat of a good deed for the mankind. yeah, we are selfish, but if we do get selfless from time to time, i don't see how is it a bad thing to be selfish once in a while. at least it would calm yourself down when people attempt to bomb you with harsh comments, saying how selfish you are, would probably just make you go, 'really? you call me selfish? what about those other selfless things that i have done? why don't you try scolding me for being selfless then?'. ah. sweet revenge. even if you don't say that, what works best is what you feel in you. as long as you know what you did, then why worry? ;)
i try to be as selfless as i can, but once someone tells me how selfish i am, it does get into my nerves. one that would probably be the most stubborn memory that will haunt me until i get it solved. learning how to accept it, would be a start. learning to change and be a selfless person would be the next. okay, maybe not selfless, let's say, KIND! yeap. sounds much more pleasing, yeah? ;)
being kind is never a hard thing to do. what stops us is the fact that we think that others would be doing the kindness and there was no need for us to be kind. if you can think that way, what makes you think that others won't think the same way? it is only a matter of effort that we put into things we do. the slightest and the smallest kindness we do, would actually carry on a long way. if kindness was done to you, wouldn't you feel a tad bit special and touched at it? why not pass it on when you can, imagining that the others would get to experience that special kindness feeling you had. soon enough, we would see the whole world being KIND PEOPLE!.
such kindness immediately cancels out any selfish claims anyone could possibly speak of. it even overshadows it completely when done full heartedly. even then, any selfish decisions you made, would not even match up to the kindness that you have for others.
VAIN!
maybe. all i wanted to do is to share with you, my fellow readers the importance of kindness and how selfishness is only one silly thing humans can do to hurt each other's feelings and so on. yet we can't stop people from saying what they want to say, and the only way to overcome that, is for our internal self to accept things as they are. somewhat like the paparazzis constantly going on and on about the negative sides of the celebrities when they were all gossips to begin with.
okay. i am getting confused with what i am saying.
i should stop here.
owh, and be kind. it's good for your soul. <3
we all are selfish in a way, buried deep down in our souls. whether we like it or not, we all are still selfish people. it only depends on how we project our selfish self to the world.
*am not too sure if i have come across this topic before, but i guess i will just go ahead with it. =)*
with selfishness, we opened ourselves to different possibilities. the main reason why some people would have to sacrifice almost everything in order to succeed in whatever that was intended to do. little did we know, we would be deemed as selfish when we make a decision to focus on that particular thing that we were to do. simple example would be portrayed when i took up the decision on travelling to australia to study Zoology. if one stops to ponder on this, it is actually one very selfish thing to do. first of all, it costs alot, and a career that comes after did not guarantee me a good income. selfishness of that is that i was practically leeching money off my mother's belt in order to do something that I WANTED TO DO.
arguements may come about, debating that, 'it is your future, it should be something that you want to do, you can always give the money back later'. which can be quite true. in retrospect, i would have to restrict my mother from spending money on herself, as she has to save those money just for me to study. honestly? i asked her if i was selfish, she had not hasitate to tell me that i was selfish that i was literally leeching her dry just to study.
another one? 'why not pick the uni that costs less?'. why did i not? i could probably save tons if i were to do that. as a defending statement, i would say it is because the education is as expensive as how the price is. don't get me wrong, i did opt for the cheaper cost, but if the best had accepted you, would you not pick the best one? it is similar to the cases where you choose to buy things, we see the things with better quality end up the pricier ones, and would normally end up with the 2nd best. on occasion cases, these 2nd best does not ALWAYS end up as good as the first one. but then again, it only depends on the individual. 2nd best still works BEST for some of us. it still does.
i admit, i am selfish with my decision. but if you were to speak to me about selfishness, i would probably tell you that the best option is to STOP STUDYING AND START WORKING.
*just as i was talking about selfishness, my brother just took the fan away and faced it towards him, now i'm heating up on the other side of the room. do you really want to argue with me on this one?*
though we may be selfish little bastards walking around amongst every other selfish bastards, there are times where we should learn to be selfless. and that, would be the best thing to do, it is somewhat of a good deed for the mankind. yeah, we are selfish, but if we do get selfless from time to time, i don't see how is it a bad thing to be selfish once in a while. at least it would calm yourself down when people attempt to bomb you with harsh comments, saying how selfish you are, would probably just make you go, 'really? you call me selfish? what about those other selfless things that i have done? why don't you try scolding me for being selfless then?'. ah. sweet revenge. even if you don't say that, what works best is what you feel in you. as long as you know what you did, then why worry? ;)
i try to be as selfless as i can, but once someone tells me how selfish i am, it does get into my nerves. one that would probably be the most stubborn memory that will haunt me until i get it solved. learning how to accept it, would be a start. learning to change and be a selfless person would be the next. okay, maybe not selfless, let's say, KIND! yeap. sounds much more pleasing, yeah? ;)
being kind is never a hard thing to do. what stops us is the fact that we think that others would be doing the kindness and there was no need for us to be kind. if you can think that way, what makes you think that others won't think the same way? it is only a matter of effort that we put into things we do. the slightest and the smallest kindness we do, would actually carry on a long way. if kindness was done to you, wouldn't you feel a tad bit special and touched at it? why not pass it on when you can, imagining that the others would get to experience that special kindness feeling you had. soon enough, we would see the whole world being KIND PEOPLE!.
such kindness immediately cancels out any selfish claims anyone could possibly speak of. it even overshadows it completely when done full heartedly. even then, any selfish decisions you made, would not even match up to the kindness that you have for others.
VAIN!
maybe. all i wanted to do is to share with you, my fellow readers the importance of kindness and how selfishness is only one silly thing humans can do to hurt each other's feelings and so on. yet we can't stop people from saying what they want to say, and the only way to overcome that, is for our internal self to accept things as they are. somewhat like the paparazzis constantly going on and on about the negative sides of the celebrities when they were all gossips to begin with.
okay. i am getting confused with what i am saying.
i should stop here.
owh, and be kind. it's good for your soul. <3
Monday, January 2, 2012
Stress. I wouldnt normally use this word much often, and well, since I am already using it here, might as well I release everything I feel compressed inside of me for all this while. Question, why compress when you can actually choose not to do so? I guess it is one way where I keep my thoughts to myself and only release it in a small amount, probably just the icing when the batter overflows, just to keep myself composed for the next straw.
My sister is getting married. It is a blissful event for sure, but to ensure that it will be flawless, tons are needed to be done, prepared and checked. Since I am the closest and easiest for my sister to reach, and with me looking at her fussing around, it felt like it was necessary for me to help her out in whatever way I could. No, I am not saying I am reluctant, but it is rather hard for me to listen to her requests when there was so much going in my head. Thus, with a slight change of impromptu plans, it would really get me off my cool and I would really blow up. This time, it would be my first time actually arguing back with my sister. And I would actually win. I guess it is cause she understood that I was going through quite abit recently. Yes, I understand that I should be tolerating, expecting that she is the one who is much more nervous than me, but there are times where I just can't control myself no longer. I do feel bad for any misbehaves I had done, and I have nothing I can do to reverse those actions of mine, but I guess what is left for me to do is probably calm myself down at least by a little, before carrying on with my next task.
What other things that could possibly cause me so much tension when it was the week where joy spills around into everyone's hearts? My exam results was about to be released in the midst of the celebration. Hand in hand with that would be me, making my decision on which uni I should be going to for the following year. Deciding in a uni would be a considerably hard thing for me to do, as I was still unsure which uni would be the best for me. And the question that goes around wondering whether I would have sufficient atar to be accepted to the uni. Prior to the release of the results, I had three unconditional offer already. Which had me in a slight relieve, allowing me to have a breather or two that I may have secured myself a spot in the Australian unis.
And then there was this question where I had to decide between Melbourne and Tasmania. Honestly saying, I had my heart telling me to go for Tasmania. Yes, the image given to me were all about how it is lonely and quiet there, with minimal entertainment and also the difficulty even trying to get to Tasmania. And they were also giving me how Melbourne is much better, without being too direct either. Melbourne had much of the upper side compared to Tasmania, no doubt. Yet, something about Tasmania was winning me over Melbourne. And this debate is still running up til today. And so happen, my results was 0.5 atar short of the requirement for monash in Melbourne, it gives me much more thoughts than I already had. Monash was my 1st choice, 2nd was Tasmania, but questions and thoughts about me had pushed La Trobe and Tasmania into a battle of its own kind. It is still a tough one. =/
Choosing a uni is difficult, getting a visa to aussie is another problem. My worried sister had yet to stop pestering me on getting my visa done. Well, seemingly that my sem begins by end of Feb, I really had to rush to get things done if I really do want to get there. Why I choose Australia? I like it there. Its calming and is totally different from what we experience here in Malaysia. And besides, it is about time that I have to begin to take control of my own life. It is enough that I have been a bothersome one to this family I have lived with for the past 16 years of my life. It is time that I leave. I am not a slight bit scared with the fact that I will be on my own. I am only worried that I wont be able to focus on my studies with my wild emotions, practically killing me. So yes, I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever I am facing when I am finally there. I really do believe this part is necessary.
Next, family issues. Owh. It isnt that much, really. It just gets me to have even more thoughts that I believe, would make me go crazy someday in the future. Partly the reason why I wanted to leave. Then there would not be as much conflict as there is now. I could prevent myself from listening to thoughts and opinions that I do not wish to listen to when it is evident it would only make me even more confused. Here, is an example of how I goes things. My mother had bought me two dresses costing of a total 2000 hkd. I told my auntie when I got home, for I was concern about my mother's spending habits. But when the purchasing was done, I felt like I could not say no, for my mom looked happy and which goddamned daughter would like to spoil their mother's happy moment especially when they rarely get to meet? Okay. Then when I was back, it was understood by my auntie that my mom only knew how to be spendrift and is never thinking about saving. Honestly, I had a personal talk with my mother about this issue, and we both even shed tears talking about it, so yes, I understand what is happening. And what understand could not be told to my aunt because she would not have listened to me in anyway at all, for I knew she had her own thought set already. Nothing could actually change that thought.
Lol. That was a long paragraph. But I am not done. So when she came to know about the 2k dresses, she had been using it against me whenever I do a little spending on my own. God forbid, money had been such an issue since I came to knew about things that I find it extremely difficult to even spend on my own. The only way I could enjoy myself without a pinch of guilt when I spend my money, is on food. Food had brought me joy and I would like to keep it that way for as long as I can. Because I know spending felt like a forbidden thing to do, with every dollar I spend, I would think, hrmm... is this worth it? Thus, the hatred towards people who mention, "aiya, you rich ma, nevermind!" really makes me feel like plunging not only one punch into their faces, it would be me having imaginations where I could cut a line across their stomachs and pulling their intestines out. Lol. Sorry. Abit too gory. But yeah. In all honesty, I am sadistic. =/
Which then brings me back to the fact that I am headed for Australia to study. How I wish I could stop people from using the 'rich' label when I tell them I am actually going to aussie. It is as though people needed to be rich kids to be able to study overseas and all. First of all, I have a passion for animals and Australia is one country that could provide me with sufficient education that could feed my desire to learn them. Zoology. There is no way I could study it here in Malaysia. Especially when everybody thinks that your only job when you graduate from a zoology degree, is to work in the zoo. Looking at how terrible our own zoo is, does it not leave you with a clearer image on why I could not study zoology here in Malaysia? Damn you people. Besides. There had been alot of difficulties, tons of arguements and bucketful of tears that had to be gone through just to get to where I am here today, a hopeful to be able to have a freakin chance to study in Australia. And why on earth did I even take ausmat if I wasn't headed for Australia? And I could have taken SAM, which is slightly pricier compared to AusMat. Rich? Go eat shit please.
Oh cool. It had turned into a rage post. Very good. Even the sarcasm is about to come in play in this awesome rage post. I am still not done. I was in a relationship for less than a month. And I have tons to talk about. Just a reminder, if this is getting tiring for you, you can stop now and free yourself from a continuous rage that I am about to get in with. In all respect and appreciation, thank you for even reading until this far. I'm sorry for the rage. ><
Here it goes. He was a guy whom I never had the thought who I would end up with. It coincidently happened when I had this weird relationship talk with my aunt. Somehow I told her I was really scared to be in a relationship, due to all the stories I had heard of, and I never once dared to open myself up for a relationship. I was that scared. What she said had somehow convinced me that it would be alright to be in a relationship, to learn and have a company with me to support me and all. I was already having slight crushes here and there, only thing that stopped me was my guts and my insecure feelings.
Besides, I was already having plans for Australia, figured I should not get into anything serious because it would only stretch and pull the relationship to a point where it snaps and hurts the two of us, like a rubber band. But he came along, and he told me he liked me. So my insecurities took the main stage, I had that crush on him, so I did not push him away, instead, I told him what could possibly happen if we were to be together and how it would hurt the both of us. Somehow he insisted. And that got me thinking, maybe it would be worth the try. Who knows we could actually work things out and be together eventhough we were apart. Things got slightly serious, when I eventually fell for him. Eventhough the fact that it would be strained and snap, I still hung on, trying to work things out. But I guess my insecurity was turning into a top notch security system that it had failed me. Eventually, it was already snapping even before we were leaving for aussie. People may say that it was better off that it ended early, then it would be something less of a worry when I leave for aussie. But the thought that I tried whatever I could to save it, yet the rubber band snapped a little bit too soon, is still a little bit too hard to digest at this moment.
Would have to say this is my first serious relationship. But time had not allowed it to be a better one. And so I am not too sure what it really is now.
Yeap. And there is also another problem with friends. I had initially planned to leave for aussie without informing anyone. Oopss. I guess it was only appropriate to inform, as I may never be seeing them ever again. As of now, I have no thoughts of returning back here as the ticket is considered really pricey. But I guess time will tell. It will be a three years course, honestly, I have no plans in returning to Malaysia even after I am done studying. It feels like I would have a better future there in Australia as compared to here, in Malaysia. Zoology = work in zoo. Pfft. Work in Australia's zoo also get so much more appreciation than working in Malaysia's zoo la. See you people only know how to torture animals. Tiger also can keep as pet. Such a disgrace.
Heh. Sorry. That was my hormones doing the talking a little while back there. ><
And yes, I am finally done with this post of mine. I really thank you for reading up to this far. ><
P.s: I still love my auntie, mom and sis regardless. They are my family. Just that from time to time, issues will surface and it boils me a little.
=)
7.13pm, 2nd Jan 2012.
My sister is getting married. It is a blissful event for sure, but to ensure that it will be flawless, tons are needed to be done, prepared and checked. Since I am the closest and easiest for my sister to reach, and with me looking at her fussing around, it felt like it was necessary for me to help her out in whatever way I could. No, I am not saying I am reluctant, but it is rather hard for me to listen to her requests when there was so much going in my head. Thus, with a slight change of impromptu plans, it would really get me off my cool and I would really blow up. This time, it would be my first time actually arguing back with my sister. And I would actually win. I guess it is cause she understood that I was going through quite abit recently. Yes, I understand that I should be tolerating, expecting that she is the one who is much more nervous than me, but there are times where I just can't control myself no longer. I do feel bad for any misbehaves I had done, and I have nothing I can do to reverse those actions of mine, but I guess what is left for me to do is probably calm myself down at least by a little, before carrying on with my next task.
What other things that could possibly cause me so much tension when it was the week where joy spills around into everyone's hearts? My exam results was about to be released in the midst of the celebration. Hand in hand with that would be me, making my decision on which uni I should be going to for the following year. Deciding in a uni would be a considerably hard thing for me to do, as I was still unsure which uni would be the best for me. And the question that goes around wondering whether I would have sufficient atar to be accepted to the uni. Prior to the release of the results, I had three unconditional offer already. Which had me in a slight relieve, allowing me to have a breather or two that I may have secured myself a spot in the Australian unis.
And then there was this question where I had to decide between Melbourne and Tasmania. Honestly saying, I had my heart telling me to go for Tasmania. Yes, the image given to me were all about how it is lonely and quiet there, with minimal entertainment and also the difficulty even trying to get to Tasmania. And they were also giving me how Melbourne is much better, without being too direct either. Melbourne had much of the upper side compared to Tasmania, no doubt. Yet, something about Tasmania was winning me over Melbourne. And this debate is still running up til today. And so happen, my results was 0.5 atar short of the requirement for monash in Melbourne, it gives me much more thoughts than I already had. Monash was my 1st choice, 2nd was Tasmania, but questions and thoughts about me had pushed La Trobe and Tasmania into a battle of its own kind. It is still a tough one. =/
Choosing a uni is difficult, getting a visa to aussie is another problem. My worried sister had yet to stop pestering me on getting my visa done. Well, seemingly that my sem begins by end of Feb, I really had to rush to get things done if I really do want to get there. Why I choose Australia? I like it there. Its calming and is totally different from what we experience here in Malaysia. And besides, it is about time that I have to begin to take control of my own life. It is enough that I have been a bothersome one to this family I have lived with for the past 16 years of my life. It is time that I leave. I am not a slight bit scared with the fact that I will be on my own. I am only worried that I wont be able to focus on my studies with my wild emotions, practically killing me. So yes, I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever I am facing when I am finally there. I really do believe this part is necessary.
Next, family issues. Owh. It isnt that much, really. It just gets me to have even more thoughts that I believe, would make me go crazy someday in the future. Partly the reason why I wanted to leave. Then there would not be as much conflict as there is now. I could prevent myself from listening to thoughts and opinions that I do not wish to listen to when it is evident it would only make me even more confused. Here, is an example of how I goes things. My mother had bought me two dresses costing of a total 2000 hkd. I told my auntie when I got home, for I was concern about my mother's spending habits. But when the purchasing was done, I felt like I could not say no, for my mom looked happy and which goddamned daughter would like to spoil their mother's happy moment especially when they rarely get to meet? Okay. Then when I was back, it was understood by my auntie that my mom only knew how to be spendrift and is never thinking about saving. Honestly, I had a personal talk with my mother about this issue, and we both even shed tears talking about it, so yes, I understand what is happening. And what understand could not be told to my aunt because she would not have listened to me in anyway at all, for I knew she had her own thought set already. Nothing could actually change that thought.
Lol. That was a long paragraph. But I am not done. So when she came to know about the 2k dresses, she had been using it against me whenever I do a little spending on my own. God forbid, money had been such an issue since I came to knew about things that I find it extremely difficult to even spend on my own. The only way I could enjoy myself without a pinch of guilt when I spend my money, is on food. Food had brought me joy and I would like to keep it that way for as long as I can. Because I know spending felt like a forbidden thing to do, with every dollar I spend, I would think, hrmm... is this worth it? Thus, the hatred towards people who mention, "aiya, you rich ma, nevermind!" really makes me feel like plunging not only one punch into their faces, it would be me having imaginations where I could cut a line across their stomachs and pulling their intestines out. Lol. Sorry. Abit too gory. But yeah. In all honesty, I am sadistic. =/
Which then brings me back to the fact that I am headed for Australia to study. How I wish I could stop people from using the 'rich' label when I tell them I am actually going to aussie. It is as though people needed to be rich kids to be able to study overseas and all. First of all, I have a passion for animals and Australia is one country that could provide me with sufficient education that could feed my desire to learn them. Zoology. There is no way I could study it here in Malaysia. Especially when everybody thinks that your only job when you graduate from a zoology degree, is to work in the zoo. Looking at how terrible our own zoo is, does it not leave you with a clearer image on why I could not study zoology here in Malaysia? Damn you people. Besides. There had been alot of difficulties, tons of arguements and bucketful of tears that had to be gone through just to get to where I am here today, a hopeful to be able to have a freakin chance to study in Australia. And why on earth did I even take ausmat if I wasn't headed for Australia? And I could have taken SAM, which is slightly pricier compared to AusMat. Rich? Go eat shit please.
Oh cool. It had turned into a rage post. Very good. Even the sarcasm is about to come in play in this awesome rage post. I am still not done. I was in a relationship for less than a month. And I have tons to talk about. Just a reminder, if this is getting tiring for you, you can stop now and free yourself from a continuous rage that I am about to get in with. In all respect and appreciation, thank you for even reading until this far. I'm sorry for the rage. ><
Here it goes. He was a guy whom I never had the thought who I would end up with. It coincidently happened when I had this weird relationship talk with my aunt. Somehow I told her I was really scared to be in a relationship, due to all the stories I had heard of, and I never once dared to open myself up for a relationship. I was that scared. What she said had somehow convinced me that it would be alright to be in a relationship, to learn and have a company with me to support me and all. I was already having slight crushes here and there, only thing that stopped me was my guts and my insecure feelings.
Besides, I was already having plans for Australia, figured I should not get into anything serious because it would only stretch and pull the relationship to a point where it snaps and hurts the two of us, like a rubber band. But he came along, and he told me he liked me. So my insecurities took the main stage, I had that crush on him, so I did not push him away, instead, I told him what could possibly happen if we were to be together and how it would hurt the both of us. Somehow he insisted. And that got me thinking, maybe it would be worth the try. Who knows we could actually work things out and be together eventhough we were apart. Things got slightly serious, when I eventually fell for him. Eventhough the fact that it would be strained and snap, I still hung on, trying to work things out. But I guess my insecurity was turning into a top notch security system that it had failed me. Eventually, it was already snapping even before we were leaving for aussie. People may say that it was better off that it ended early, then it would be something less of a worry when I leave for aussie. But the thought that I tried whatever I could to save it, yet the rubber band snapped a little bit too soon, is still a little bit too hard to digest at this moment.
Would have to say this is my first serious relationship. But time had not allowed it to be a better one. And so I am not too sure what it really is now.
Yeap. And there is also another problem with friends. I had initially planned to leave for aussie without informing anyone. Oopss. I guess it was only appropriate to inform, as I may never be seeing them ever again. As of now, I have no thoughts of returning back here as the ticket is considered really pricey. But I guess time will tell. It will be a three years course, honestly, I have no plans in returning to Malaysia even after I am done studying. It feels like I would have a better future there in Australia as compared to here, in Malaysia. Zoology = work in zoo. Pfft. Work in Australia's zoo also get so much more appreciation than working in Malaysia's zoo la. See you people only know how to torture animals. Tiger also can keep as pet. Such a disgrace.
Heh. Sorry. That was my hormones doing the talking a little while back there. ><
And yes, I am finally done with this post of mine. I really thank you for reading up to this far. ><
P.s: I still love my auntie, mom and sis regardless. They are my family. Just that from time to time, issues will surface and it boils me a little.
=)
7.13pm, 2nd Jan 2012.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Hello there! I'm the car, on the way to the airport. There had been alot of travelling to and fro from the airport quite recently. Make that for the past six months and also for about one more month or so. Or even maybe up til February. Haha! It all depends really. =)
Airports can be said to have one of the most fodest moments as we normally bid our goodbyes there and also welcome people. Not only that, I do like how the interior of airports are like. Somewhat complicating, but figurable as well. Makes you feel like you are in a maze that requires some thinking before you move to your next destination. Hehe. Airports have massive signboards almost everywhere. From the separation of the arrival and departure halls itself. That would probably confuse some people, as a matter of fact. And since the airports are so huge, young flyers would normally acquire an assistant to bring them to around the airport, to their destination and finally to their guardian or parent.
Not to forget, we get to look at awesome gigantic airplanes! I would dare say, this sight is definitely one sort of highlight for both flyers and non flyers. It isnt everyday that we get to see such ginormous transportation in masses, yes? Though I am curious how the air crew thinks of this. Or even the ground staffs. Hrmmm. Nevertheless. Flights are nice to look forward to... Really? Provided that you have the best services that you paid for. And also the safe flight all the way to your destination. Pricey, but I guess it is worth it since you get to cut down your travelling time by a lot.
Airstewardess. Airsteward. We would normally look at them, expecting them to be tall, lanky and most of all, pretty/handsome. Models on air? Haha! I used to think so. Cause they were normally pretty and handsome. And tall. There used to be requirements of a specific height just to secure a spot as a flight attendant. And also they have got to have no problems with their eyesight. As a matter of fact, has anyone seen a flight attendant with spectacles resting on their noses? Come to think of it, I have yet to see one. But thanks to technology, we now have contact lenses. (somehow it sounds like an advert. Hahaha! Oops.) They have since lowered their height requirements and I do believe contacts are acceptable these days too. =)
Pilots! We normally hear that mysterious musty mushy voice that tries to be joyful every now and then with a slight twitch on the intonations. Unlike the ever lively airstewardesses, you could really differentiate between these two. Often a times, you wont even understand what the pilot is saying even. But it is slightly comforting to hear the pilot's voice, informing you that things are going smoothly as planned. It used to be a biased occupation, where the men would dominate. And when we do know of a female pilot, we wound be stunned. This still happens until this very day, to be honest. Besides, pilots are no joke. They have the lives of the whole plane in their hands. So yes, alot had to be learnt to prevent nasty situations from occuring. Pilot itself is a course now, which is good. They are fully dedicated to learn the complexity of the plane's functions.
As a passenger, we are treated as kings and queens when on board. For if we dont, some of us would resort to threatening the company with a sue or somesort. Considering the amount of money we pay for their services and comfort, we tend to get a little bit selfish in that sense. Flying through the sky, zooming and shaking through clouds, following the sun, things are rather peaceful when we are in the skies. I like my flying moments. I'd always try to get the window seat as often as I can, so I could look out into the dreamy sky and doze off in peace. It used to be me being fascinated at how the wings function during liftoff and landing, but that got boring cause it had always been the same thing. But the sky is much more soothing than that. =)
7.40am, 29th Dec 2011.
Airports can be said to have one of the most fodest moments as we normally bid our goodbyes there and also welcome people. Not only that, I do like how the interior of airports are like. Somewhat complicating, but figurable as well. Makes you feel like you are in a maze that requires some thinking before you move to your next destination. Hehe. Airports have massive signboards almost everywhere. From the separation of the arrival and departure halls itself. That would probably confuse some people, as a matter of fact. And since the airports are so huge, young flyers would normally acquire an assistant to bring them to around the airport, to their destination and finally to their guardian or parent.
Not to forget, we get to look at awesome gigantic airplanes! I would dare say, this sight is definitely one sort of highlight for both flyers and non flyers. It isnt everyday that we get to see such ginormous transportation in masses, yes? Though I am curious how the air crew thinks of this. Or even the ground staffs. Hrmmm. Nevertheless. Flights are nice to look forward to... Really? Provided that you have the best services that you paid for. And also the safe flight all the way to your destination. Pricey, but I guess it is worth it since you get to cut down your travelling time by a lot.
Airstewardess. Airsteward. We would normally look at them, expecting them to be tall, lanky and most of all, pretty/handsome. Models on air? Haha! I used to think so. Cause they were normally pretty and handsome. And tall. There used to be requirements of a specific height just to secure a spot as a flight attendant. And also they have got to have no problems with their eyesight. As a matter of fact, has anyone seen a flight attendant with spectacles resting on their noses? Come to think of it, I have yet to see one. But thanks to technology, we now have contact lenses. (somehow it sounds like an advert. Hahaha! Oops.) They have since lowered their height requirements and I do believe contacts are acceptable these days too. =)
Pilots! We normally hear that mysterious musty mushy voice that tries to be joyful every now and then with a slight twitch on the intonations. Unlike the ever lively airstewardesses, you could really differentiate between these two. Often a times, you wont even understand what the pilot is saying even. But it is slightly comforting to hear the pilot's voice, informing you that things are going smoothly as planned. It used to be a biased occupation, where the men would dominate. And when we do know of a female pilot, we wound be stunned. This still happens until this very day, to be honest. Besides, pilots are no joke. They have the lives of the whole plane in their hands. So yes, alot had to be learnt to prevent nasty situations from occuring. Pilot itself is a course now, which is good. They are fully dedicated to learn the complexity of the plane's functions.
As a passenger, we are treated as kings and queens when on board. For if we dont, some of us would resort to threatening the company with a sue or somesort. Considering the amount of money we pay for their services and comfort, we tend to get a little bit selfish in that sense. Flying through the sky, zooming and shaking through clouds, following the sun, things are rather peaceful when we are in the skies. I like my flying moments. I'd always try to get the window seat as often as I can, so I could look out into the dreamy sky and doze off in peace. It used to be me being fascinated at how the wings function during liftoff and landing, but that got boring cause it had always been the same thing. But the sky is much more soothing than that. =)
7.40am, 29th Dec 2011.
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