given the time to ponder about,
i miss my grandma.

just today when i was about to leave home for a out-of-routine-shopping, i saw that there was a funeral set-up few doors down from my home,
it reminded me about the funeral experience i had not too long ago,
nope, they were not good memories,
yes, they did bring me some laughters and some confusion about the process,
but what got me pondering upon is the fact that i won't be able to see my grandma anymore.

i loved family gatherings.
those days were the happiest.
especially during chinese new years.
we would all gather up on the 2nd day of chinese new year to celebrate both chinese new year and my grandma's birthday.
those days were the happiest.
where we all would just talk and catch up with each other.
those days were the happiest.
because we could all see my grandma, smile, enjoying the presence of everyone.
those days were the happiest.
where we get to eat together, with a big number of us on a round table, chatting, eating, laughing.
those days... were the happiest.

i do love my grandma,
i just don't express it well.

what worries me is my mother and my auntie,
all this while, they have always been worried about my grandma without fail.
whenever they want to go home to visit my grandma, i would be tagging along.
everytime my mom comes home, she never fails to visit my grandma.
even when she's working over there on the other side of the sea, she would try to call my grandma, eventhough my grandma had hearing difficulties, but i'm sure it made her happy just knowing that her daughter is thinking of her.
and if my grandma is willing to, my mom would bring my grandma out to places from time to time.

during the funeral session,
my aunt and mom cried,
and that in turn made me cry along with them.
it was overwhelming,
i couldn't stand the fact that they were both upset,
the two people whom i love most are upset and are crying there and then,
it broke my heart that they were upset,
i cried along with them.
they loved my grandma.
they cared in everyway they could.
but yet, there are times that their effort were being doubted, and that hurt them the most,
all they were doing was providing my grandma with love, like how she showered them with love when they were younger.

i have no clue what i was supposed to post about,
but i just felt like posting something.
i guess this would do this time around.

love, need not to be expressed by just mere words.
love, is best understood and felt by other means.
words are only means of decoration, it means nothing if there were no meaning behind it.
tears, a sign of love.
tears that flow without words, the most powerful way one could feel the love that person has towards that one person,
or maybe a few.
tears flow, when we are hurt by people we trust most, those whom we loved most.
a tight hug, can be a sign of love.
how tight a person hugs you, shows how much you are appreciated by the other person.
it does not necessarily mean you have a special love, love, it's just love. period.

lol.
i can't continue any longer.
i apologise for this weird post of mine this time around.
=/