humans today, have rights to voice out their opinions,
it only depends on whether they are aware of such rights or otherwise.
i, do know about these rights,
and thus, i, will voice out my opinion on what i believe in.

i, do not believe in the existence of god.
there are reasons to why i have chosen to be a partial atheist.
it is risky in today's world to be an atheist,
but i choose not to lie, i am posting it here, telling the world that i am an atheist.
i have given much thoughts about my decisions on why i chose not to believe in the existence of god.
the main reason is simply because i did not want to depend on a particular 'thing'.
i'm not underestimating the power 'he' has, but yes.
the fact that i just mentioned the previous sentence might actually cross out the whole thought of atheism,
but mind you, i said, i CHOSE.
when i was much younger, mummy would bring me to temples whenever she could.
that includes travelling all the way to KL, up that drastically slopy hill to reach a temple called 'tien hou gong'.
not only that, we have this praying thingy at home, where we can choose to sit there infront of the 'miniature god figurines' and pray to them.
normally it happens on special occassions only; chinese new year, wesak day, etc, etc.
we too would go to the temples during wesak days to get blessings and such.
in fact, until today, we would still go to temples on special occassions to have prayers.
like i mentioned earlier, it was me who chose to be an atheist.
i could not see why it was necessary to depend on 'god' for a better life.
your life is based on your own decisions and how you handle them,
if god were to be always there for you, then why is it that each and every human being have difficulties in life?
shouldn't it be that humans would have a much blessed life with much less matters to be stressed over?
true, i may be asking such questions where it provokes people to think, "well, you can't expect god to always be there for you. if that is true, how will you ever learn?"
and because this question will occur, i decided to be safer, to depend on myself instead of god.
"so... you do believe in the existence of God! so you are NOT an atheist!!"
not until you can proof to me that god really does exist.
besides, if i do depend on god for everything, i would definitely blame Him more than i would've blamed myself.
* i'm only saying. please don't take it as though i am thrashing anybody or anything, i mean no harm, just merely describing my thoughts. =X *

another issue is that i am also a partial Free-Thinker.
now you're wondering how is it possible for me to be both at the same time.
well, it's simply because what others preach, lifts the curiosity side of me to the surface.
others really meant, other religions.
i'm being really racists by firstly mentioning how biased our lovely country could get when it comes down to this.
just as i was driving with a bad mood on a rainy morning,
saw a car sticker that said "sokong islam, anda selamat."
that sentence really irked me inside out, but i had no choice, i could not just tell them off, right into their faces.
wait. even when such dramas happening almost everyday, i am still curious about all the religions that exists in the world today.
i am curious and it caused me wanting to learn more about other religions out there.
wanting to learn more on what they beleive in,
wanting to understand why they believe so,
wanting to see how much 'god exists' is true.

LOL.
quite worried that this post might end up controversial.

let's backtrack a little, shall we?
as we all know, back in secondary school, we learnt about the early civilizations and how they blossomed to be an empire on it's own,
we saw that the pioneers, believed in almost everything that benefitted them.
maybe not with the benefitting part,
but they were so amazed by what was happening around them that they chose to worship them all.
we have them worshipping the trees, the sky, the land, even the lifestocks.
sounds pretty much bizarre in comparison with today,
but it also seemed that life was pretty much simple back then
you see a tree that bore fruits, that were edible, that could satisfy you tummy's grumbles, you praise them.
you see the sky, raining, providing you with water, that you crops would grow happily, and then you have water for your own use, you praise it.
you see a cow, giving you milk, or maybe a form of poultry when you are absolutely hungry and that you have mastered the barbeque-ing technique, you praise it.
it was easy to feel like you were blessed back then.
owh, and this what what we called animism.

and somehow today, from that single believe,
it has evolved into... millions of religions all over the world.
which tends to be quite confusing and complicated.
we even have a religion formed by david beckham it seems.
i may be wrong with that one. AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. i only heard of it, got me interested, so it stayed there in my head until today. =P
but yes, i was trying to say that there are so many believes out there today.
it got me extremely confused.
one reason i guess is because of their beliefs towards god.
one religions worships several gods, one religion worships no god, one religion worships one god, two religions seem to be praying to the same god.
yeah
see where the confusion comes from?
exactly!

and then there was this factor when i was in primary school.
i had no clue there were so many religions out there.
i only thought everybody was the same, praying to the same on god.
but i didn't understand the part where they had to split all of us up when it comes to this specific class, 'agama/moral'.
i remember me standing outside the class, lining up, getting ready to go to our 'moral' class, while the 'agama' class was taking place in my own class.
they keep doing that same prayer everytime they begin their class, which then got me even memorising what they said.
if i'm not mistaken, it's alfatihah? some eating prayers? i'm not too sure.
but i remember the content pretty well.
BECAUSE! it had a very intriguing tune to it that it managed to catch my attention, and that i even remember it until today.
you see! racism.
and because we had to split like that, i was then exposed to the fact that there are other religions out there.
if we don't put a religion in our religion column in forms given to us to be filled,
it would be questioned.
as a matter of fact, we don't even know what was it for, and we only followed what was being told by parents or teachers.
well, obviuosly i wrote 'buddhist'.

owh! not to forget, when i was in primary school and secodary school,
i have no idea why, but it seems like a forbidden thing to change religions.
i got invited to several christian events,
and i have never once converted myself into a christian,
but i know every single time i go, i'll leave the place with a mild giddy-ness in my head.
if i do tell my aunt that i am going for church events, the first thing she would say, "why? you want to convert to a christian ah?"
there, it sounded like i was forbidden to change my own religion, right?
thus, the mentality somehow lived in me up till today.
then when we had to learn about the origins of islam in our high school,
it evoked the racist part of me.
if you can talk so much about islam, why not talk about the buddhist and christianity and such?
owh, they did.
but it was only like one page for the religions that are NOT islam.

tracing back to the buddhist part,
i am not to be considered a buddhist.
because this family i live with prays to 'guan yin'; one of the many god in the chinese line.
if i am a buddhist, a pure one, i am actually forbidden to eat beef.
i, on the other hand, was never exposed to such rule, i just ate beef from the day i was born... literally.
i remember once that i was eating cheeseburger infront of that praying table with the 'guan yin ' facing me,
i can't really remember what exactly happened, but it got me a tad bit disturbed after i knew that i wasn't supposed to eat meat, because i pray to that specific god.
and i was so confused when i go temples, i see everybody praying too all the gods available in that temple.
and well of course, i dumbly followed.
even then, i didn't know what i was praying for.
until today.
it felt wrong for me to ask for things, especially from god.
so i never really asked for anything.
in the event that i do pray, i only pray for two things;
1. protecting all my family members, close and dear or whoever that is related to me in anyways.
2. asking to attain good results.

until today, i still don't know what i am doing.
as i grew older, i learnt that it was okay to be religionless.
provided that you know how to rationalise things and not be like those dumb bastards who claim that they are of a certain religion, but does not behave according to that specific religion.
my sister is a free-thinker.
my bro is a buddhist.
my aunt... i'm not sure.
my uncle is a pure buddhist.
my mom is also a buddhist.
i, am a cross between atheist and freethinker.

boo you. =P