i have always questioned myself. something i would do at almost every given spare moments as life passed on by. me, having an empty thought would probably be something really rare. to say that i am not thinking about anything at all, it would definitely be a lie. as much as i try not to think so much, the chain of thoughts are just never ending. i used to think, it is because i'm a female, for generally, people will say that female brains are constantly thinking while men's are usually empty, and when they meant empty, they really meant empty.

what is there that is in need of such an amount of thinking to do? there doesnt seem like a possible way that a person could actually think 24 hours a day, can it? chances that i may be exaggerating that i am thinking that much, but to me, it doesnt seem impossible. sometimes, the thoughts may be too overwhelming that it pulls me under the wind, and there i go, feeling numb and emotionless, no thanks to the thoughts i had whirling through my mind.

i have a habit, where i choose not to mingle as much with the female human population as compared to the males. for i know that females will start having judgemental thoughts of me, which will then automatically break my safeguard of self confidence in everything i do. true enough, not every individual are the same, thus i have no rights at categorizing genders in that manner. but what if i say, that it is based on my personal experience, and it is what i see that is always happening as events occur? one could also tell me, that it is my problem for being fragile. by countering this, i am who i am, same like everyone else, different, didn't that just bite you back with your initial question?

hah! that was fun. i was in a mode where i was countering myself. i guess words could not further describe the fact that i have too much in my mind that it could even drive me crazy someday. from my point of view, having the fact that i overthink things is pretty much risky. for there are times where overthinking would result with a disastrous effect out of the decision made. similar like the proverb, 'too many cooks will spoil the broth', literally, in my situation, it would meant that there were too many ways and ideas on how to settle a simple problem, would eventually end up producing a whole chunk of mess instead.

it naturally poses a sense of insecurity in me. but i guess that's what makes me slightly different from everyone else. hey, it might as well be somekind of superpower altogether. a silly, but jolly thought that one is. =)