let's see what i can talk about today.
i'm feeling... normal?
haha. yeah. i guess you can say that.
anyhow.
been dancing whole morning since i woke up.
it is about time that i get back to my studies.

i just saw my friend's assignment. hers is 6 pages long, FULL OF WORDS.
now i'm starting to doubt my work.
and it's completely done either.
=/
crap.
Mr. V. i dislike you for leaving us like that.

hrm...
singing?
bleah.
driving?
=/
ive nothing to post about. but i just wanted to type something.

LOL.
i really have to go and study now.
or else i'd be rotting here, staring at the computer screen,
with nothing to do.

ma ma ma ma dilemma~

cheer-tastic.

i remember the days where i was a cheerleader.
i suck as a flyer.
i couldn't lock properly, which then resulted with failed basket tosses. =/
i couldn't really do extensions either. even that was the minor ones already.
silly me.
haha. yeah. i suck as a flyer. but i was still a flyer then.
best position ever.

but yes. a flyer wouldn't go up it wasnt for the trusty bases and spotter.
if i were to be in a cheer squad, i'm pretty sure i'll be a back spotter.
i definitely can't be a base. my bones will break.
=O
yeah. i can be a good back spotter. =)

i was just browsing through facebook and i stumbled upon this video about Thailand's cheer squad debuting in the US cheer comp.
then i searched for their performance on youtube.
got me repeating it for a few times. they were good.
those stunts were freaky.
makes elevator and extensions look like a snap of a finger.
but yeah. elevators and extensions are actually the basic, if you can't do that, then you can't do anything else already, let alone a pyramid.
insane.
and you train like mad. literally.
and get bruised, twisted ankles and wrists, torn ligaments and so on... just for a three minute routine.
and that three minute routine, that manages to get the whole stadium on their feets, cheering you on, amazed.

you can't possibly get this 'feeling' in any other sports.
sure you can see people cheering on their favourite teams and all.
but this, you will actually be blown away and be estatic, looking at the stunts each squad does.
it's nerve-wrecking and heart-breaking to see a stunt fail.
oh. it really does.
it is never as simple as a little kid running around with his/her own two feet, falling down. they look so adorable. but you can't really get hurt in that way.
imagine you being high up in the sky, being tossed, waiting to be catched, but something happened, and you just land wrongly.
goodness knows what kind of injuries you'll get.
you'll be really lucky if you can stand again, unhurt.
but there have been cases where cheerleaders do break their bones.
surely there are some severe cases out there, i choose not to search for them.

i love this sport.
the energy it brings, both to the participants and the audience.
out-of-this-world feeling.

you see cheerleaders dancing, jumping around, planting a super duper cheerful and perky expressions on their faces, not knowing how much PAIN they have to go through, just to get that three minute routine done, perfect and flawless.
they practice them over and over again for millions of times, just to get the stunts right.
the dancing is the easiest part of the whole routine, but not the stunts.
stunts are just...
*insert a bombastic word here*

oh. and it builds alot of trust amongst the team members as well.
that is why they are so attached when they have to leave the squad or anything similar.
even when they do leave the squad due to unavoidable reasons, they still try to get back in the sport in any way possible.
i've seen alot of them going places just to get back into cheer.
i myself, have yet to participate in any.

there are guy cheerleaders too.
do no underestimate them.
they are essential. cos they have the strenght to throw the flyer higher up than girls would.
hah! haven't seen a girl do a single base cupie before. so yeah. stereotypically, it is a guy's position.
other guys looking at guys who cheer, may be deemed as gays or pervs.
gays cos they have to be PERKY and pervs cos they have to look UP at their flyer.
puh-lease.
though i can't help disagreeing with the gay part, cos i've seen gay cheerleaders. or at least i think they are... oops.
they still awesome. boo you.

and. you must have trust for each other.
i can't imagine what would happen if the base hated the flyer and... yeah. i shall leave that up to your imagination.
but it is a tradition that cheer squads have a 'heart-to-heart' session.
every member of the squad will sit together in a circle, talking about every likes and dislikes about each other.
well, for sure there are some discomforts somehow.
but in the end, with sessions like that, the squad gets closer, more understanding and... stronger?

by the end of the day, it is the experience that the cheerleaders get from this whole experience.
training for almost everyday, just to get their routine right.
bruised, just to get their stunts right.
...
..
..
....
.




wait.
dancing is like that too!
=F
maybe that is why i was so enthusiastic about dancing when i lost cheer.
aha!
i learnt something about myself today.
interesting.

stupid bio assignment.
like sibeh stupid i tell you.
you can say i am the stupid one not understanding what the assignment requires,
and that it is taking me forever to finish doing it.

i just can't my head around this bullshit.
been sitting in front of the computer and laptop for the past 4 days trying to figure out how to do, but NO... i can't understand it until today.
like what the hell?
yes. i may be the stupid one not knowing how to ask around on HOW to do this shit.
but in a way, if i do ask, it's like i'm STUPID-er cos i couldnt figure it out by myself.

and then there is our awesome bio teacher.
sorry. but i am sincerely not satisfied.

i can't screw this shit cos it costs me alot.
i have a feeling that miss rekka will be marking our assignments with minimal marks given, cos to me, i dont think she looked into this assignments in detail enough to truly understand what shit it requires.
i may be wrong.

ahhhh... i feel like dying.
i really need help.
but i don't know WHO or WHERE to look for help. T.T

when someone responds with
"no comment."
it clearly states two possible reasons.
- chicken. does not want to get involve in whatever shit was happening.
- totally lost.

that itself tells alot.
why not just be honest?
blow whatever you want to. you have your say. =)

she looked at me with those longing eyes, showing me gestures,
"daughter, i don't want this to happen to me, but if it does happen, i hope you'll be there to take care of me like how this man is taking care of his mother when she got struck by stroke."
those was what i heard from my head.
no, she did not say them aloud to me at all.
she didnt say anything at all.
i just knew...

oh yes. i'm angry.
i don't care. i just wanted to rant something.
like oh my tien.
i feel so battered.
it's like i want to do it willingly, but things just went that made it seem like i am being forced to do it.
oh my tien.
words can't explain how angry i am.

wait. i don't even think it is only anger i am feeling,
it is anger plus frustrated plus annoyed and also 'wtc' feeling.

and good. my tummy hasnt been alright since i got home.
goodness knows what the hell is wrong with it,
i'm practically brutally torturing my body further than it is already very well damaged.

i know i don't make sense now,
i just needed to blast.
so what ever i am typing out here is STRAIGHT and RAW.

look. i have tons of work piled up waiting for me to do,
why on earth do i still have so much?
it can be said that i didnt even touch a single crap since i got home.
like wth?
i could've done at least ONE thing, but no. i got NONE done.

this post is purely based on emotions.
yeah
screw it.
i am pissed.
like. totally.

oh my tien.

i wasnt planning to leave home at all today.
but the moment i got up, i went out, until 6pm.
=/

was supposed to do my assignment.
well. i guess i'll be lighting up the candles for the whole night.
heh

went hiking today.
yeay! it was... tiring. got me all sweaty.
but it was good. =)
i dont know if i would want to go again though.
hehehehhehe

10.27pm

i'm feeling sad. that's it, i've got to go back to my normal life.
that moment when i was in the airplane, looking out into the sky, was one of my most blissful and peaceful moment ever. it was so pure, white, exquisite. a whole different world altogether. if one has an imaginative vision, one can actually imagine a kingdom of clouds! ah. clouds. awesome stuff. they're like cottons hanging in midair. =D

good things have to come to an end somehow.
i don't think i'll be posting much for quite some time.
heh
we'll see. ;)

23rd july, 3.58pm

"Lcct is an embarrassment. First, as soon as you step off the plane, you have to walk a very long distance just to reach the immigration. i'm a malaysian citizen, so the line is definitely shorter. But i am waiting for my mom's friends who are macanese citizens. Tien. It's been an hour plus since we touchdown and they are still stuck in the immigration. Oh. Thank you lcct, you have autogates, but you don't have them functioning for us to use. Oh well, thank goodness for the short line for the malaysian citizen line or else i'll definitely start complaining even more. i even notice that the line for the foreigners doesnt seem to have a systematic queing system. screwed up. Oh. They're finally here. it's 4pm now."

hello.
the immigration at ZHUHAI, china had only ONE LINE for foreigners and goodness knows how many lines for CHINESE CITIZENS.
why is it that it takes so long for the immigration to check on the foreigner's passports?
what? 1 hour plus? seriously? is that necessary?! HOI!
BAD REPUTATION! BAAAAAADDDD REPUTATION!
-.-

23rd july, 9.37am

" Ba-dum ba-dum~ waiting to go home~ ba-dum ba-dum~ then i've got to unpack. 20kp bag from initial 8kg. Heehee~ and i still have some stuff in my mom's luggage. Can you imagine how much i've shopped? Also, that is the exact same amoung of guilt i have in me for doing so. Contradicting. Heh. I'm weird. I don't even know what i'm thinking. =O Hrm. Going home and distributing things is prolly one of the hardest things to do. You want to be fair, but you can't buy for everyone. Somehow, in this way, you're measuring your friendship. Which is not a good thing at all. And. I don't know what to shope for guys. Haha. Sad much, cos i have more guy friends than girl friends. hrm... I'm going back to my usual routine. The assignment and homework packed routine. Pretty sad actually. But yeah. Sadder still, my mom will be going back to her lonely life. =/ "

22nd july, 4.37pm

"yeah sure. The development here is much advanced. Just when i give that thought that China is okay, their uncivilised behavious surfaced again. -.- Oh my tien. Don't you know what 'LINING UP' and 'BEING PATIENT' and also 'YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GO WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO WITHOUT PUSHING AND CUTTING CUE' means?! aigoo. Enough with the uncivilised. Imagine being packed with people and then this two idiots decides to smoke. INTO. YOUR. FACE. bastards."

sigh.

22nd july, 4.15pm

"312km/h as max speed. Even driving at 120km/h is considered fast and 'omg' for me already. Heh. I don't know how fast a plane is flying at, cos all i see is clouds. But this. Is. NICE! =D 'Gau tieh', high speed railway, is the supposed translation i guess. But maybe it is a bullet train? I am not sure. But i know it's fast. And it's shaped of a bullet. Something you don't find in Malaysia. Hah. Look how much China has grown since the last time i came here, which was about 5 years ago? And look where Malaysia stands for the past ten years...stagnant. *facepalm*

twin towers, and that was it?
oh. yellow.
heh.

22nd july, 1.57pm

"Bird's nest for lunch. My mom and her bf got drunk. Thank goodness i'm leaving this place already. Cigarette odour all over my body at every single meal. Plus the meals are all in 'special rooms', the air is practically trapped in. Even my hair stinks. Sigh. Thank goodness this is over. It's sad for my mom though. =/ But she's drunk now. I'm pretty sure i can take care of her. =) Hrm. This trip was definitely an eye opening experience. It got me dumbstruck at almost everything. I find it hard to understand what they're actually saying cos of their deep accent, but i could catch their conversation with today's batch of 'high people', maybe cos they were giving me and my mom more attention. Haha. Bizarre."

oh yes. that boss of my mom's bf, is like some tycoon here in this area.
so apparently, we are her guests, so she MUST entertain us.
day 1, she brought us for that dinner at that mountain side restaurant where i burnt my tongue.
day 2, she hired her driver to drive us up this holy mountain where EVERYONE ELSE has to walk up. it is a super long way up the mountain, it was steep as well. oh my tien. i dont know how those ppl can actually walk up there. =/ bizarre.
and only certain cars can drive up this mountain, cos the roads were small and could fit exactly two cars side by side, with VERY LITTLE SPACE to spare between the two cars. but there are busses from 3 different points, going up the mountain.
i guess, if it wasnt for this kind lady, my mom and i wouldn't even make it up this mountain. and this mountain is the only thing to "visit" here. it is said that wishes made here will come true, for sure. ha! we shall see. =)
this kind lady also hired a tour guide for us. o.o
tien ah. i no vip, why you so nice to me? =/
she even asked her brother to bring us out for dinner because she wasnt free that night to 'entertain' us. eventhough it wasnt necessary. but you know when you are talking with a BIG SHOT, you can't say now. hurh.
day 3. bird's nest. shit. =/

21st july, 6.56pm

"Hee~! It's meal time. Actually dinner just ended, and yeah, they smoked again. =/ Am happy though. Today's meals were super filling! They specially cut down on the spiciness, and i am able to enjoy the food. *beams* So yes! i'm happy today! My tummy is filled with good food. Though i am quite sick with these cigarette smoke and smell. Not quite, I AM SICK OF IT! sigh. Why on earth do they exist in the first place? thank you ancestors who brought them to existence. -.- Ah. it's a sad thing that the air here is very fresh. When i say the air here is like Australia, what i really meant is that is it fresh, sweet, forest-y like. But then of course, cigaretter spoils the whole thing. -.- KILL ME ALRAEDY!!!!!"

i'm alive.
thank goodness.
ah. tien. it was literally hell. i couldnt breathe properly.
my hair smells like cigarette. pfft.

21st july, 12.16pm

"Owh. So... The people here like to go into the jungle to find good food? @@ Well, it isn't really a jungle. It's just more of those rural areas, where old classic homes are still around. Interesting. And confusing at the same time. Ah well. Still interesting. =)"

12.40pm

"Ah yes. They are at every corner. I want to die. Damn smokers."

honestly, yes, they have the rights to smoke. but why the hell do you have to smoke EVERYWHERE?! =/

4.08pm

"They massage, i sleep. Ha! =) "

not a fan of massages. =)

20th July, 7.59pm

"Culture shock. You are bound to face this when you're at a different place. The moment i stepped out of the train, waiting to get out of the station, there seemed to be some arguement going on between a man and the police. Saw some pushing going on as well. Well, i was scared, so i just stood there while my mom was ignorant to that fact and just went straight for the exit. And so, the moment i left the station, walking out towards my mom's boyfriend's car, people, what seems like taxi drivers were following us, asking if we needed transportation to go anywhere. The shock continues with mom's bf's boss, bringing us out for dinner. This is then continued with the previous text. But here, is a continuation. Blardy food. Never in my wildest imagination that a chinese delicacy would literally burn my tongue. But really, it is good. Just that the after effect of that 'goodness' is a burnt tongue. Which also meant that everything else that touches my tongue, will burn my tongue. And so, everything else i eat is just 'ROAR!' But since i was eating with the BIG PEOPLE, i had to eat and smile at the same time, even with the fact that i was dying with a burning tongue. Culture shock."

well. it really did burn my tongue. haha!
and it was fish.
hoh. tien. their level of spiciness is like wayyyy much more than our spiciness here in malaysia. o.o

20th july, 7.43pm

" Even in China, they have their own dialext. Like omg. They look human, but i do feel like i'm in another planet altogehter. But yes, i do respect and so, i stay quiet and observe. Though i can't help it that I give that weird stare, cos i am intrigued by this bizarre situation. Here, it seems like the place where the high and mighty society, rich business people of this part of China. You may think they would behave in such a manner where they appear similar to those portrayed in tvb dramas and all. But no, they are just like ordinary chinese people. i'm sorry. But here, i am stereotyping. Chinese people scare me. The way i see in, they are rude. And it is not easy to find nice, kind people around. I'm sure they are there, but i guess it is just me looking at the down side more than the 'up' side of things. heh. my bad. =/ "

i stand corrected.
these people in the outskirts ARE NICE PPL.
they just smoke. yeah.
people in town or cities are just ... .
i have tons to complain about these people in cities.
should be coming up soon. =)

i personally like to post my thoughts in this way.
those in the inverted commas are taken raw from my phone.
it doesnt make sense at times, but they are the exact thoughts in my head at that time.

19th july, 3.23pm

"Here i am, in my mother's shoes. Literally. Walking around a shopping area, alone. Eating in a restaurant, alone. Going to places, alone. It does sound solitary. In a way where you will feel... sad. Now i do understand what it feels like to be alone. Especially in a foreign place. True enough you have friends, but that loneliness will still kill you, slowly, but surely. You don't know what you want to eat. That is actually a sad fact. When you want to do something, you'll go "ah, why bother?". I guess at this point, having a company would be the best to cure this weird queasy feeling i have in me. Even so, being in my mother's shoe, it will only be momentary. I could see that she is happy when she is with her friends, the time she really treasures, that i would totally be ignored at the same time. But i didnt feel left out. After all, this is where she is most comfortable. I understand why she was beaming when I first saw her in the airport. Yeah. She was occupied with her friend again here, but yeah. They are here for her, and i am only here for a very short time. My mom says she likes it here. She has her friends around. But i still could feel her loneliness. This time around, i truly understand how my mom feels. I admit, i am a filial daughter for not being able to understand this earlier. But fate had placed us in this state where we will take time to understand each other. I know my mom doesn't understand me, i used to grumble and all about her not understanding me...."

yeah, i couldnt finish it.
my text limit on my phone was only ten texts.
i was sitting there in McD's staring at the streets when i had that thought.
and it was overwhelming, i had to write it somewhere.
the only thing i had with me was my handphone, so i just went on and on and on... until it stopped me from continuing. =/

but yes. i do understand my mom better now.
this is definitely a productive trip. =)

goodbyebabygoodbye.

today i have firsts

first time SEEing a vault,
first time entering a casino,
first time shopping until i drop,
first time being frozen until i couldnt feel my fingers and face.

the vault was just so cool.
i never knew these things actually do exist and can be used by ordinary ppl.
yeah. been living under a rock. o.o

and the casino was just bizarre.
somehow i was that scared that i just grabbed my mom's arm pretty tightly.
and surprisingly, there were soooooo many "games" to play in here.
i even spotted one with the name "CRAPS".
yeah. that got me thinking for awhile.
in a way, i got to see and understand what my mom is doing better.
hee~
good experience.
though i do question, how can so many casinos survive competing against one another when there are like casinos at almost every corner of macau.

TODAY!
i shopped.
i have never in my 18 years alive shopped this much for myself before.
NEVER.
i only remember walking with my sister, helping her carrying bags and maybe getting a thing or two along.
but this time around, it's ME doing the shopping and my mom getting a thing or two along.
i have this very guilty feeling.
please. i do not wish to built any sense of jealousy nor do i want to show off, i'm just stating my thoughts.
i bought some clothes from zara.
they're quite expensive in my opinion, but it was on sale, i took some pieces.
complained that it was still pricey the WHOLE DAY, but my mom kept telling me, "if you think like that, you will never be able to shop for anything already."
fair enough, i shopped.
and for the first time ever, i bought an original expensive bag; coach.
it had discount from 3700 to 1850 mop. (mop is the currency for macau. ppl here can use hkd to shop as well. just that some shops will not do converting, and will lose money cos hkd to mop has .3 difference. i think.)
to me, eventhough it is discounted, i still find it expensive and unreasonable to purchase.
but it also came to my thought, if i do buy this, then it should last for some very long time, then i would not need to shop again.
*to think again, it doesnt make sense.*
let's just take it that temptation got the best of me.
also, i got myself anna sui's forbidden affair perfume.
why did i buy this? i have no idea.
i have two other perfumes at home that i am not done using. now it seems like i'm collecting perfumes. D=
bought a pair of high heels. and to think of it, i have no idea why i bought them either.
i'm already tall enough, and i wont be able to wear them if i have to walk beside somebody.
and these are considered killer heels. but it's actually wedges. it's also heels. erh. yeah. =P
thank goodness my feet stopped growing, so i can actually keep them for...years?
haiya, i don't know.
i only know that i'm feeling guilty for spending so much today.
and i also know that i will be shopping alone tomorrow.
since mummy wont be with me this time, i should be able to control my spending.
i need to buy dresses and albums.
my initial plan to get a nike sports shoe failed.
cos i cant find a proper purple pair of shoes that is pretty. =(
will see how things go tomorrow.
i hope i don't get lost. HAHA

and the people here have very weird english names.
like that lady who attended to my mom and i in the shoe shop today, her name was MONEY.
oh. and i walked pass a GUY with a name tag that spells, KAROL.
my mom's facebook account has some of these weird names as well, AMOEBA, DECO.
ah. such awesome names.
WHY ON EARTH DO YOU EVEN HAVE ENGLISH NAMES THAT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND NICE TO BE YOUR NAMES?! OH MY TIEN!
it. is. not. cool. at. all.
i just realised this is a little offensive, my apologies.
but i still wonder what is with the names? =/
and it's not easy to SPOT a local here in Macau.
they're mainly foreigners here.
like duh. to run a casino, it requires tremendous amount of man power.
from dealing to handling to whatever crap job that is available.
then there is the hotel management, and then the shuttle bus service.
shopping malls as well.
oh. and of course, the tourists.
poor them. especially those who cannot speak the local language, they are in pretty big trouble.
i was shoppping with english, they couldnt understand what i was saying. =(
and everything here is in CHINESE. signboards and menus.
they have translation, IN PORTUGESE!
yeap. without my mom, i have no idea how i can go around in this area alone.
HAHA

ah yes. frozen.
we were literally walking in a freezer.
kinda lazy to describe what it is, but it's an ice sculpture expo or some sort.
so in order to refrain the sculpture from melting, that whole area was made into a freezer.
-15 degree celcius.
it is actually worst than the time i was in beijing.
at least then, i still could feel my fingers.
but here? after about ten minutes in there, i couldnt feel my face and fingers at all.
still nice.
heehee~

i cannot imagine anyone reading such a long winded post.
heh!
we shall see the response when i post this up on facebook.
=)
thank you, patient reader.
i heartfully appreaciate your patience in reading this. =)

i smile.

day 1?

almost. more like less than a half day actually.
ah well.

HAHAH. it took me forever to pack the night before i left.
i pretty much didnt know what to pack. heheheheh
and then today i woke up with a bad mood.
for some unknown reason, but i was just in a bad mood.
my flight was at 12.15pm, which means i had to leave home at about 9am.
thank goodness for the online check-in. i didnt have to wait and queue along with everybody else.
heh.
there is a reason why i didnt want to queue with people.
it's cos i know i am heading for macau where chinese populates.
and i know it's their norm to rush and push around in a line, eventhough evidently, it doenst make much difference. *facepalm*
ah yes. then i went into the boarding area early cos i didnt want my auntie and uncle to stone with me. which was at around 11am.
which also meant i had to wait for an hour still.
thanks to my pink phone being stolen, i had no entertainment with me at all.
could easily die of boredom. -.-
so i patiently waited only to know that the flight is being delayed half an hour.
okay.
continue waiting. and stoning.
oh. just when i was telling someone about how rowdy these ppl are, a man was sitting in front of me, SHAVING.
FACEPALM.
oh. and then we boarded at 12.45pm.
and so, the rowdiness overwhelms.
they just PUSH their way through as though they will not get into the plane if they didnt.
and they are elder than me, so i pretty much didnt dare to scold back since i was alone.
but at one point i was so frustrated, i just said "excuse me." and this chinese auntie stopped short, look at me, and then let me go.
if i didnt get to go through that, i dont think i'll ever get to get up the plane until everybody is up.
just when i thought it would be over, i got into the plane only to find a chinese man sitting at MY place.
tien ah.
but of cos i shoo-ed him away.

sighs.
then. the flight was delayed again. only took off at 1pm.
-.-

3.45 hours flight.
slept the whole journey.
=D

hmmm.
i manage to get down from the plane early.
which meant i didnt have to line up with those chinese ppl.
heh.
dadum-dadum
waits for luggage
dadum-dadum
grabs luggage
dadum-dadum
one guys stops in front of me, flashes his police tag
dadum-dadum
*who is this guy? what is he trying to say? what is he showing me?*
dadum-dadum
"police, we need to check your luggage."
dadum-dadum
*heh? what did i do? owh well. not that i did anything wrong.*
dadum-dadum
-walks towards a room.-
dadum-dadum
-female police checks my bag-
"what are you doing here in macau?"
"visiting?"
"why do you have psycho book?"
"i need to study?"
"who else is here?"
"my mother?"
"okay."
"okay."

yeah. i ended up from first to last to leave the blardy terminal.
i even asked the two police, why are they checking my bag.
kinda dumb for asking, but i was curious, and i have the rigths to ask that, don't i?
roar!
owh well. it was interesting.
i was wondering how to react if they really do find something illegal in my luggage.
still wondering why is it ME that they suspect. =(

THEN I SAW MY MUMMY!
**BEAR HUGSS**

oho~ first thing i did when i arrived macau, EAT.
bird's nest egg tart.
awesome shit.
<3

then i did some shopping.
ngehehehehehehe
CINNAMOROLL MERCHANDISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and.
A PURPLE LUGGAGE!!!!

my mom is spoiling me like mad.
she doenst even let me think and just buys.
not good. =/

and thennnn. BUFFET DINNER!!!!!
ahhhhhhh~
heaven.

now. what am i going to do tomorrow?
shop where? =O
then what about tuesday and wednesday?
hrm....

everything happens for a reason.

and so i'll be flying off to macau in less than 12 hours.
and i only started packing at 11pm.
haha. i find it difficult to pack my stuff.
firstly, the luggage is small.
and then, it is better than i dont bring too many things cos i'll be shopping and bringing home more stuff.
also, i feel like bringing my whole closet cos i had difficulties in picking clothes to bring over.

i should be sleeping now, but i cant sleep.
more of that worried feeling that i missed out something somewhere somehow. =/
ah well.
let's just hope i will dig for time to do my assignments while i'm blinded by the shopping. =)

toodles~

taking off is still the best part of the flight.

i am officially addicted to Call Of Duty.
pfft.

two more days until my shopping spree begins.

and now, i feel bombared.
bombarded by the amount of work i need to do to complete my assignments.
bombarded by the fact that i'm loosing out in my studies.
bombarded by the fact that there will be another major exam in exactly 3 weeks after the hols.

now. how am i gonna enjoy my holiday? =/

oh right. i forgotten to mention.

i was playing Call Of Duty : Modern Warfare.

*like*

today would be the first time i actually dared to play 'shooting' games.
and it was good.
=D

and now i know why guys can just sit there for hours being so absorbed into the game.
i'm pretty sure i sat there for about two hours straight just staring at the screen, shooting ppl.
honestly, i do feel amused shooting ppl like that. =O
that is something YOU don't get to do on a daily life basis.
even if you did, it's not as nice as the game.
because apparently, after being shot several times, you will still be able to continue running and shooting.
heh. i still have trouble running away from grenades. HAHA!

oh oh! there's this thing where you can choose to shoot from where ever you feel like.
i, for some reason, like to go right up to those who i am suppose to shoot and shoot them right in their face.
=F
it is so much nicer than shooting from far.
though HEADSHOTS are nice too, but it just isnt as nice as the "IN-YOUR-FACE" effect. =D

oh. i also like how those BIG BIG guns somehow shoots and make BIG BIG explosions.
nehehehehehehehehehehe.

heh. it did get me a lil giddy though.
HAHAHA! i rememeber the first few minutes into the game, i was totally clueless.
i was so confused with the controls, *ehemMOUSEehem*. yeah. that control was like... wtc?! to me when i first started.
but i slowly got a hang of it.

AND now i understand why guys emphasise on the magnificence of the mouse.
=D

ahk. i cant wait to get my own laptop. =F

change.

change is new.
change is abnormal.
change is different.
change is alteration.
change is... terrifying.

just when you manage to adapt into the current situation and you feel safe and comfortable with it,
something changes,
and you have to start from scratch, all over again.
it makes you feel insecure,
lost,
scared.
though that thought, "things are different now" is so blardy obvious, it is just HARD to accept new changes.

but sometimes changes are natural
natural that you wont realise
not until somebody mentions it, and then you'll be like "omg. really?"
and then it hits you.
making you go on and on and on again, wondering what and how.
you feel uneasy, cos it's different.

but changes happen all the time.
that's what makes life unpredictable.
you can never tell what will happen next, and how it'll affect everything.
ah. even affect and effect has differences.
affect would be the "thing" that causes the effect
and effect would be the "thing" that is caused by the something.
if that even makes sense. @@

humans are made to adapt to changes
but why is it that changes MUST happen constantly.
is it that life would be BORING if there were no change at all?
to think again, if there is not change, then there would not have been any problems at all.
no dramas,
no arguements,
nothing.

life would be dull then.
but it would be peaceful.

ah~

life.
it's always teasing us in many ways.
just when we think everything is fine, woops. it bitch slaps us in the face and there we go again.
interesting.
learning to adapt is the only way we can keep our heads above water.

HOI! WHERE ALL THE RAINBOWS AT?! ROAR!!!

*pop*pop*pop*

a bunch of grapes.
you pluck, and pop one into your mouth.
process repeats.

and i wonder why they are that addicting.
it's similar to choco baby.
they're TINY, and you wont realise you've eaten SO much until YOU look at the container, looking how little is left.
even so, you'll still open the container and continue popping them into your mouth until they're gone.
all. gone.

nehehehhehhehehe
i like how things come like that.
small, but in a big bundle.
but this only applies to FOOD.
you can just go on and on eating until they disappear.
i think it's cos it's tiny, and that you cant feel yourself getting stuffed due to it's size.

and also, as much as i like longan,
i'll still get bored of it.
simply because i need to PEEL before putting it into my mouth.
and then there's a seed in the middle of it.
yeah. grapes in this case is better for a lazy person like me. =D

apple?
they're yummy, but they're HUGE.
and i have to bite into it hard enough to break it. =O
doenst work for a lazy bum either.
ngehehehehehhe

and i will only eat durian if i know for sure i will not be meeting any living soul for at least two days.
the smell just stays for like ever.
...

lol.
i think i just tackled some fruits.....

OOOHHHHH!!!!! CURRY COATED PEANUTS!!!!!!!!!
*runs to grab them*
*NOMNOMNOM~ <3 *

food =F

the moment u let me eat, is the moment i wont stop eating.
provided the food is GOOD.
heh. GOOD buffet will be so worth it for me. YEAY!! <3

i live to eat.
i repeat, i live to eat.
despite me being skinny, i EAT.
i'm not aneroxic. i'm JUST SKINNY. =(
it's in my genes! and i can never get fat. =F
*plus point for me*
maybe i will get fat someday, but let's just wait for that one faithful time when i will. *i really do hope i'll stay in this "skinny figure" forever? nah. i want to be normal. NOT FAT, NOT SKINNY, NORMAL! please? =/*
BUT i'm choosy.
and i believe that contributes to my skinniness.
like seriously, where there is not good food, I DON'T EAT!

=O

not good. but but but... =(

AH YES!
like today, i went nomnom with some buddies today.
i ordered a large udon and ordered sushi.
it isnt that much actually, i can eat more.
but as compared to the other 4, i ate the most.
and that also meant i paid the most.
dang. =/

oh yes. another reason for me NOT eating is money.
i tend to constrict myself when i FEEL like i'm going broke or when i'm broke, for that month that is.
and i occasionally go SPLURGE on food all over again at the beginning of the following month.

heh. that cycles kinda sucks, thanks to the constriction.
otherwise i'd be splurging like nobody's business on food, ONLY.
like duh, it isnt anybody's business to begin with, but yes.
i tend to spend alot on food itself.
I STOPPED SHOPPING. LIKE SERIOUSLY.
80% of my monthly expenditure goes to food. o.o
*CAN I HAVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE PLEASE?! HEHE! THANK YOU! =DD *

food is heaven. =/
i will always "MELT" when i have good food.
i'm sure EVERYONE DOES!
but yeah, i'm spoiling myself too much sometimes. =/

screw it.
i still love food.
it is joy.
it is love.

too bad i can't be married to food.
nah. i wouldnt want to be married to a chef either.
owh well.

i still love food. =F

i cant sing.
but i still wanna sing! cos there are times where i think i CAN SING!
that's just hahahahahaa. =D

owh yeah. facebook is being retarded at this time.
which is a good thing. nehehe
oh wait. it's just not working on IE. it's doing normally on Mozilla. =O
wtc?
okay. i'm randomly laughing at random things that doesnt require laughters. =O
whatever i just said doesnt make sense either. =O
wtc? @@

just got back from ice-cream session with my auntie.
had some heart to heart talk with her.
and i do like these moments. =)
at least i know i am accompanying my auntie. that's satisfying.

oh right. *i will never be satisfied with anything, the moment i have it, the moment i'll want something else -.- *
and so i have a problem with my monday, tuesday and wednesday's timetable.
WHY? cos in the case of a class being canceled, i'll be stoning for at least 2 hours.
on mondays, i have only bio(3), math(4) and chem(6).
the numbers indicate the time slot. between 3rd and 4th slot, we have break for 30mins (this excludes the time to WALK down to the cafeteria and also back to class).
i would normally go late on monday but really, it depends on my mood. =O
then tuesdays, psy(1), bio(3), chem(6).
and wednesdays, eld(2), math(4) and chem(6).
SO. LIKE YESTERDAY, we had bio canceled. and so i stoned from 9.45am up until 3.15pm.
and then today, i stoned from 11am up until 3.15pm.
at least today wasnt as bad as yesterday, but yes. stoning todays in a row is just... lifeless.

I COULD'VE STUDIED!
but nope. i couldnt get that mood switched on.
then comes thursday, psy(1), eld(2), bio(3), math(4) and chem(6)
the reason the 5th slot is empty cos we only take 5 subjects. so it's my break time then.
i dont have to worry about stoning on thursday, *relieve*
then friday, i will only be stoning for 2 hours, waiting for malaysian studies. -.-

hoho. i'm complaining like mad. I DONT CARE! ROAR!!!!!! >=(
i blame the hormones. =X

yeap. i got lectured by my auntie just now, saying i should use my stoning time to study.
i'm sure this person with the name Wee Kin, would lecture me on that too. =/

yeap. i'm randomly complaining right now. =/

oh right, there was this unreasonable road block today.
caused me to be stuck in the awesome jam for like 50minutes and i have to park in elephant walk today. HURH.
SERIOUSLY, I NEED A REASON WHY ARE THERE ROADBLOCKS!!!!!!!!!
note the s behind the roadblock.
yes. i'm making a big fuss about it, cos i still dont know the reason why behind it and i just comaplain and get angry over it. =D

now, i need to do my assignment.
hoh. i have two bio assignments and one psycho assignment, due first week of august.
awesome.
and and and. i have a presentation tomoro.
i hate presentations. i can never talk properly. -.-
HAIYA. sui bien. =/

i'm confused.

different ppl have different perspective of life.
it is not surprising that almost everything is a total opposite in another person's life
and with that mindset, the other person may be deemed as some delusionalised person, with a total different personality and thoughts.
an issue to argue upon,
a never ending debate,
never resolved,
there is not one individual who knows exactly what life is
there isnt a written rule about it
there isnt a guideline to it
there is only opinions, perspectives and thoughts.
it is the "what" that you choose to believe in.

by right, there is no rights for a person to say WHAT is right and WHAT is wrong.
there is no point in arguing about it either.

=O

i'm confused.

JUMP!!

thank you koktong, rachel and regina.
u all got me addicted to
PLUMET.

-.-

i've been playing it almost everyday since the day i knew about it
it got me so curious, like WHY ON EARTH ARE THEY SO PROUD OF THEIR socalled ACHIEVEMENT.
so i clicked. and
until today, i'm still trying to beat my own score.
pathetic.
but yeah. it is HARD. =O
hahahhaahhahahahahahhaahahahahhaha

it a no brainer game dude.
it is all depending on your luck. and that's about it. =D
yeah. i no luck. i can only reach 1455 aften gazillions of tries -.-
ah well. for those of u who have no tried, that is if u even come across this blog, YOU SHOULD TRY!!! =D

it's only jumping and rolling and moving left and right. no worries buddeyh~ ;D

school is cool, really?

so i went to school today
and i had this very weird feeling of zoning out
did not bother hanging out with my usual gang which i usually do.
it was so... weird.
i just didnt feel like i belong there.

thinking back, i was always alone back in high school
yes, i have friends like at every corner,
but the only thing i remember was random chat with random friends/people,
i would wonder around alone in school.
i didnt feel astrange at all.
i always preferred being alone.
even if i do have my recess with a group of my friends,
they would normally be a different group of ppl every single day.
nope. i had no fixed group.
i was a loner.

wait. no. i'm still a loner.
at least now in college, i have a group of ppl i hang out with every single break.
i'm thankful for that.
but i still tend to stroll away if i can. =O
but it was always a failed intention.
it's like a daily routine already, being there, seeing the same group of ppl everyday.

high school was a whole different thing, nothing compared to the current life i have.
no doubt, high school is still high school
but as i was pondering alone just now, i had this thought,
"thank goodness i'm out of highschool."
i didnt like the fact that we have to follow every single rule that did not make sense at all.
i didnt like the fact that teachers think they were the one and only that we can depend on.
i didnt like the fact that we had to sit there in the tapak perhimpunan for daily morning assembly.
i didnt like the fact that there were no respect in almost everyone in a certain way.
i didnt like the fact that we were tied to almost everything.
practically, high school is screwed up.

but it's free education.
free?
nah. it is so called free, but we still needed to pay.
the text books back then were just dumb.
we had to pay few hundreds just to get them. yearly.
thank goodness the government subsidised the books. which should have been done like AGES ago.
i'm not thrashing. i'm only stating my opinion.
the political part in high school was just way worst.
imiagine kids not knowing anything back then, and teachers exploiting everyway they can.
no. not all teachers do it. but since the majority was doing it, the innocent turn into one of them as well.
again. i'm stating what i'm seeing.
i still do not understand what on earth PIBG is for.
all i know is that they collect money and spend money on some 'good-for-nothing-upgrades'. so called upgrades that is.
why arent they getting proper studying gadgets for the kids if they do have that much money?
like seriously, each student requiring to pay rm50, per year.
those schools with goodness-knows-how-many-thousand students there are, collecting goodness-knows-how-many-millions-of-ringgit-malaysia per annum.
tien ah.
now i see why the ******* is so screwed up.

thank goodness i made the best out of my last year in high school.
but it turns out it didnt really help me in anyway.
i was back to square one when i started college.
pfft.
my most memorable year would definitely be form 5.
the year where i made the best of everything.
at least i'd like to think i did.
and it is the only thing i am proud of.
but like i said, it did NOT help me in anyway right after high school ended.
so much for my effort.
but yet it was a memorable one, i guess that was the thing that worth the most.

*here starts my bragging moment, u can choose to ignore this part up until the next sentence that has this star thing. =) *
first. i broke up with my bf.
hah. that's right boy. one smack in your face. i think i made him into a monster though. he's like some ass right now. =O
i did it cos i wanted to make the best of my last year in high school.
i dont care if u see this, cos i believe you're some desperate bastard right now.
next, i just wanted to take up as many posts as i can.
i thought it would help me sometime later but yeah. damnit.
managed to get president for girl guide and green house. =)
also got secretary post for athletics.
my girl guide teacher even threatened to drop my position if i did not do my job properly cos i had that post as captain of green house.
the most tiring job i had to do was the secretary work.
that teacher was so troublesome and lazy. i had to run round the school ten times just because he did not do that one small thing which was long ago due.
hurh.
i remember for the first 4-5 months of form5, i was running like everywhere,
only going home at about 6pm almost everyday.
i was given the responsibility, i will not take it forgranted. roar!
oh right! i didnt have that intention to participate for the mssd thingy that year.
but i went for the training cos i thought i had to.
which was a good thing, cos it made me participate in the high jump event.
which then got me bronze. =F
well. i was super happy. i broke my own record. and it was a rebound for me cos i couldnt even reach my own record the previous year.
dont bother asking me how high it was, i'm not that good. i'm only average. =O
as for my green house, it was another super achievement for me. =)
sweet! i lead my team to victory! nehehehehehe
though i did not participate much for that year's sports, which was a good thing, cos my friend who was trailing behind me for this long jump event, finally won her gold. =)
*glory moment ends here*
then it came to studies.
huh. all i can say is that i have wasted time.
=/

well. this is one super long post. i doubt anyone would bother reading this.
but at the same time, i really feel like publicising this post.
=O
nah. i'm sure even if i did, not many will be seeing this. =D

and yes.
i miss u retarded ppl of smk pbp1. =(

roly poly~

it is the month of july.
expecting to spent more than usual this month.
hoho.

since that pink phone of mine got 'picked' by some brainless person,
and since my old phone is a little retard. *but thank goodness, i still can use it to communicate.*
and also Rachel for fussing about getting a new phone,
somehow that thought of getting a new phone got into me.
which is a good thing actually.
i think?
yeah. so i went scouting for new phones with Rachel for like the whole month, wait. i think it was more than one month.
in a way, i still didnt find it necessary to get a new phone mainly cos,
1. it requires about 1k + if i want one,
2. my retard phone is still working,
3. there were too many choices that got me confused.
ended up, i thought of getting samsung galaxy s2.

but. just as i decided, my aunt came along and said,
"why dont u get one laptop for yourself?"
now THAT, got me thinking.
to get a laptop, i need at least 2k?
and it was between inspiron and xps.
but now i've decided on inspiron 15R, i5? yeah.

well, if i were to buy those two, it'll be like 3-4k already.
=/
and. i havent told my mom!
so yeah. will see how things go.

cos i'm gonna go visit my mom in macau and do my shopping there.
and goodness knows how much i will spent SHOPPING there.
like i have a list of stuffs to shop.
1. shoes
2. clothes
3. bags
4. cinnamoroll merchandise
5. food...? =F
yeah. it can be broken down further.
and i'll be there for one whole week.

talk about the amount of money i'll be spending this month.
that itself, has not include a handphone and laptop.
but my priority now would be the laptop over the handphone.

bleah.

here i am singing If I Die Young by The Band Perry.
i have no idea why,
and it's in the middle of the night right now.
if i'm singing horribly, i'd probably bring nightmares to those who can actually hear me. =O
i have no idea how that links, but i do believe it does. hehe

hah. i've got a speech to write tomorrow.
i dont think i'm prepared. =/

this blog is still unpublicised. only a few know of this blog, wait. maybe nobody at all. haha. yeah. i guess publicising wouldnt make much of a difference anyways?
i dont know. i'm still contemplating if i should or i should not.
well.
all that i know now is that it's already 4am.
and i'm not feeling sleepy at all.

ah yes. today was a feat.
it was as though i have not eaten for a very long period of time
and today i could just go on and on eating.
i believe i could go on eating if there happen to be food that i like eating placed before me.
i'd defintely tackle those nomnom-licious food if i didnt have to go for class or needing to buy any food or needing to move anywhere at all.
hah.
surely there is a reason behind the sudden appetite, no?
=)
owh well, i've been pretty much starving myself since i started college anyways.
it was either out of laziness, or i had no cash at that moment or the food was just that unappetizing.
yeah. i still need to eat though.
but i appreciate food more now i guess?
huh!
i take that previous sentence back. =X
i know i'll just melt at the taste of good food now. =F
owh right, in fact, i'm hungry right at this moment! =O
no good, no good.

anyhow. thank goodness i did not go on describing the food i want to eat.
maybe i should be describing on how this hunger right now feels like!

no.
lazy.
i shall go back to sleep now.
=)

if i die young,

just burn me up and wash me into the sea. =)

but then again, what is life without a life.
it's almost like you're a walking corpse.
in a way, it feels like it wouldnt make much difference if you're dead or alive.
might as well disappear and vanish; as though there was no existence of you in the first place.
life should never be taken forgranted, but throughout our lives, all we do is hunt, search high and low, look into every corners, trying to figure ourselves out, and also the true meaning of life.
maybe life would actually begin when we stop bothering about all these unnecessary thoughts.
but then again, it isnt easy for some of us. our minds are constantly at work, thinking, wondering, and questioning.

life should never be take forgranted,
some have high and mighty ambitious dreams but are unable to achieve them,
while others have the life to go for it, but for some reasons, just wouldnt be bothered to go for it.

life is a contradicting matter.
wait, maybe not matter, you cant weight life.
but u can measure... wops. i think i just contradicted myself again. =O

i have no stand in this, but life should be valued.
the question HOW, is something each and everyone of us have to figure out on our own.

life.
what is life?

*i really dont know how to go on about this, i'll just get myself even more confused than i currently am right now. =/*
**sorry**