Hello there! I'm the car, on the way to the airport. There had been alot of travelling to and fro from the airport quite recently. Make that for the past six months and also for about one more month or so. Or even maybe up til February. Haha! It all depends really. =)

Airports can be said to have one of the most fodest moments as we normally bid our goodbyes there and also welcome people. Not only that, I do like how the interior of airports are like. Somewhat complicating, but figurable as well. Makes you feel like you are in a maze that requires some thinking before you move to your next destination. Hehe. Airports have massive signboards almost everywhere. From the separation of the arrival and departure halls itself. That would probably confuse some people, as a matter of fact. And since the airports are so huge, young flyers would normally acquire an assistant to bring them to around the airport, to their destination and finally to their guardian or parent.

Not to forget, we get to look at awesome gigantic airplanes! I would dare say, this sight is definitely one sort of highlight for both flyers and non flyers. It isnt everyday that we get to see such ginormous transportation in masses, yes? Though I am curious how the air crew thinks of this. Or even the ground staffs. Hrmmm. Nevertheless. Flights are nice to look forward to... Really? Provided that you have the best services that you paid for. And also the safe flight all the way to your destination. Pricey, but I guess it is worth it since you get to cut down your travelling time by a lot.

Airstewardess. Airsteward. We would normally look at them, expecting them to be tall, lanky and most of all, pretty/handsome. Models on air? Haha! I used to think so. Cause they were normally pretty and handsome. And tall. There used to be requirements of a specific height just to secure a spot as a flight attendant. And also they have got to have no problems with their eyesight. As a matter of fact, has anyone seen a flight attendant with spectacles resting on their noses? Come to think of it, I have yet to see one. But thanks to technology, we now have contact lenses. (somehow it sounds like an advert. Hahaha! Oops.) They have since lowered their height requirements and I do believe contacts are acceptable these days too. =)

Pilots! We normally hear that mysterious musty mushy voice that tries to be joyful every now and then with a slight twitch on the intonations. Unlike the ever lively airstewardesses, you could really differentiate between these two. Often a times, you wont even understand what the pilot is saying even. But it is slightly comforting to hear the pilot's voice, informing you that things are going smoothly as planned. It used to be a biased occupation, where the men would dominate. And when we do know of a female pilot, we wound be stunned. This still happens until this very day, to be honest. Besides, pilots are no joke. They have the lives of the whole plane in their hands. So yes, alot had to be learnt to prevent nasty situations from occuring. Pilot itself is a course now, which is good. They are fully dedicated to learn the complexity of the plane's functions.

As a passenger, we are treated as kings and queens when on board. For if we dont, some of us would resort to threatening the company with a sue or somesort. Considering the amount of money we pay for their services and comfort, we tend to get a little bit selfish in that sense. Flying through the sky, zooming and shaking through clouds, following the sun, things are rather peaceful when we are in the skies. I like my flying moments. I'd always try to get the window seat as often as I can, so I could look out into the dreamy sky and doze off in peace. It used to be me being fascinated at how the wings function during liftoff and landing, but that got boring cause it had always been the same thing. But the sky is much more soothing than that. =)

7.40am, 29th Dec 2011.

The moment I start a topic, I could actually immerse myself into this thing for the whole hour or even more. It does indeed feel like how I would normally do for my exam essays, but this one is more free willed, no restriction whatsoever. Which then makes me feel even more free and mentioning whatever I want to. Which also then makes me sit here and stone for about two hours max, just typing something out.

Substance is important in every essay written. If there isnt any substance, then the essay would just end up a piece of crap. The least so say, that is. But some would prefer using blogs as diaries, some would use it to connect with people, as for me, I use it to test my skills. Not much of a skill I have in this, but it does allow me to express my thoughts in ways I dont normally get to. Returning to substance, yesterday's post felt a little off. Somewhat a little of something that I would not normally do. It doesnt feel right at all when I decided to post it up. The main theme of it was to somehow blame social sites for the lack of privacy.

Blaming. It involves alot of emotions, does it not? I have realised that by putting in much more emotions than I would normally do, gets me feeling that the post isnt right at all. Simply because, when emotions are in play, the writing style will definitely differ from the normal writing that a person normally does. (lol. I am running low on vocabulary. =/) And right now, I am racing against the clock to post about this. Another factor, to be honest, time. One that I would say, the best factor that works well for me. It leaves me very little space to be fully immersed into my emotions to have this post done.

I personally do not fancy blogs that consist of vulgar words. Though some people may use it correctly at times, but I still find them unnecessary. Maybe I am vaguely just jealous of the fact that they were able to express their emotions that easily while I have to hasitate to a point where those post will eventually end up as white elephants. (heh. White elephants. Awesome albino ones. =D Hold it. Or was it pink?! Oh uh...) Have always wondered, what was it that would attract the attention of readers to actually read my posts. But either way, I find it difficult to change my writing ways for it is a developmental matter. I then decided to stop wondering, and just carry on posting what I feel like posting best. =)

And I am done with this post for now. Typing from my phone feels much more carefree while the laptop ones felt a little bit more serious. I wonder why. Hrmm.
Alrighty, it took me twenty minutes to get this done. Haha! Loving this time factor. And I have got to go.
Thanks for your time, every read you do means the world to me... Almost. But really, I do appreciate it. =)
Thank you! <3

10.54am, 28th Dec 2011.

privacy.

how often do we get this at this modern age? facebook itself had been upgraded to ease stalking to the utmost. and now, stalking seems like a very common thing to do. one can just sit there infront of the computer screen, clicking away, viewing people's profile, what they have been doing, looking at their pictures, browsing through mutual friends list and all. stalking had since been upgraded. eventhough there maybe features where you still can toggle your privacy settings where you can limit certain things that you allow people to view. but given the choice, i guess i would be too lazy to even scroll down and pick the specific option one by one to see who is allowed to view what. nope. it is either it is too private where there is NO POINT having an fb account in the first place of it is too public that there is NO POINT protecting anything in the first place.

see the contradiction? and. we have people who have accept friends for the sake of accepting friends. the 'oh-i-have-more-friends-than-you' kind of people. it does give that tad bit of 'proudness' when you actually have more friends than the others. and well, if you see someone with over a thousand friends, of which is evidently much more than yours, you'll probably go, 'oh, yeah, these people. well, duh!'. (hi! i just proved that humans can be really contradicting. and i like it. heh. then again, it maybe just me.) next, we would look at their picture count. aha! "this person has so much more pictures than me! such a sociable person he/she is!" and then we would look at their walls, scrolling down on what they have been doing.

speaking of number of friends, if only one would stop to scroll through their own friends list, i am pretty sure only about 60% of whom we have actually communicate with, while the others are probably a 'hey! i've seen you aroud and i'm interested in who you are, let me add you!' or probably you only accept cause you didn't want to reject cause it feels somewhat evil. family members as friends? owh. this can be an issue too. some would definitely freak the crap out if their parents would add them on facebook while others would probably find it okay to have family members on facebook. it really depends on the individual. but anyhoo, does the numbers really tell a story? does it not make you wonder why is it that it somehow bothers you a little?

funny how facebook has actually become a routine to almost every single human being who had gotten used to this social website. the first thing a person would do when they turn on their computers or smartphones, i could bet with you, they have a facebook tab somewhere in there. unless this person is a very very very disciplined person who have no clue what facebook is, then maybe. but i believe 98% of the population who have technology knowledge would have facebook somewhere. unless of course, you are from north korea or china, then it would be a pretty fascinating thing that you have one facebook account even. stop right there. even when they don't have facebook, i'm sure they have their own social websites where it functions somewhat like facebook. and again, aside from north korea... yeah. (i am still curious what life is like in north korea. hrmmm)

if it isnt facebook, then it is twitter. or maybe some other social sites like myspace, for the americans? i'm not too sure. am speaking based on the malaysian majority. hey! i remember we were all into friendster back when i was still in primary school and facebook seemed like an adult thing that i didn't even dare to step into. why? because we couldn't decorate facebook and much as we could with friendster. and also because we were too used to friendster than to facebook. but hey, friendster was dying out and facebook was taking over. and now to look back, friendster was definitely something of the past. past worth leaving it as it is. =) and facebook felt more adult-like even with kids around, it still much more adult like.

facebook status, and again, numbers seemed to matter here. we always like to see numbers increasing on the like hits and sometimes on the comments too. it sometimes makes you want to think of something creative to be posted to see some good responses. somewhat like a good place to have open discussion. and when we see other people who constantly have like hits on their pictures while we have none, you'll go a tad bit upset. hehe. okay. maybe not to all of us, but some of us would probably feel. which could then lead to cyber depression. don't be fooled by this term, it does get pretty bad especially when it has to do with mentality. some could actually resort to using social sites to attack without meaning to attack. one could only assume and many a times, it would actually increase the intensity of the initial problem that had occured.

not only that, people were given a chance to be a whole different person throught social sites. people would never know if the other person on the other end were actually having a totally different and what we commonly dub as FAKE personalities. for all we know, our true colours may or may not be showcased in person and be demonstrated best throught social sites. when this happens, it does leave me with several questions. which am i supposed to believe? why is it that it had to take place? somehow, it felt like the social site had allowed people to be whoever they want to be but was unable as a person. it could be very well related to the amount of confidence one has in themselves.

this is a very general post. no clue why am i posting this though. but since it is done. i shall just post it. heh.
thank you for reading. ;D

as the year is coming to an end, i can't help but to look back at what i had this whole year. and the only best way to end this year would be a good atar for my wace examination. and if that one is perfect, then the year will probably end as perfect as it had begin with.

this will be a weird post. i have definitely lost my writing touch, i apologise for that beforehand. =/

well, i may be one of the last few of those who have packed their notes to be sent for recycling or for passing down to the juniors. i knew i had to do it somehow, but i chose to delay it as far later as possible. but it was getting more and more unbearable to look at the stack of notes and books sitting there, looking at me every moment i come into this room where i slumber in. it just stood there, collecting dust. it brings me some memories. it certainly does.

for one, i would remember walking towards this shelf, picking out the books and notes that i might need for my day in college. i leave my labcoat in the bookshelf too. just in case i leave it out of sight, which will then cause me to not be allowed to do lab stuff if i had unfortunately forgotten to bring it on lab day. which i did. once. and i was panicking, running around the whole campus trying to find one where i can borrow. or did i? but yeah. i only remembered that i had not bring it once. and then we have a few of them who borrowed my labcoat a few times. haha. well, i could actually sell it to my juniors if i want to, but i don't think i will. i'd like to keep it. for memories sake. =)

and so i was packing those notes i had. came across so many notes that brought different memories to me. this is practically insane that even for such small matter, so much memories were collected in it. biology. mr. varun. one of the three epic male lecturers we had. one of the most joyful person whom we'd always look forward to during the day. only thing was that when he gives us a heads up that we were going to do tons of work the next day, we would feel dreaded to go class, but we still ended up in class. because we know he would crack up something that would get our attention on. he prepared us well, cause he was preparing to leave us halfway through the course. bravo mr. V, you got tons of us complaining a hell lot about the next lecturer who was taking over your spot. sure thing she was interesting at first, with her BERSIH activities and all. but that was that. she was all about her bersih and her american experiences and that was all. and then we had our assignments. we were really praying hard that she would be generous with her markings and all. because when we had mr. V, we could just approach him and he would patiently guide us through each and every step, kindly checking our work, making sure we are doing it properly, finding ways that he would not penalise us in anyway possible. that was not the case with miss rekka. it was a total opposite. we even have students skipping her classes whenever we could. it was different. we didn't like the change. at. all. bio classes were the best. we even got to watch movies. and i really meant movies. =)

though i was suffering with other four subjects, to be honest. chem was never my strongest. and my strongest was nowhere above breathing level, english. and whatmore, maths. psycho was alright, as i have never learned it before, but yeah. it was only OKAY.

hehe. nostalgic year. too much to say. i shall just continue spamming. ;D

i remember i was doing oh so poorly with my stochio that it got miss diana concerned. never in my right mind that i thought lecturers would actually care. so it shocked me. and so i took the initiative to try harder. and well. she borrowed me her book and i went to photostat it. laziness was the world. but i did manage to get myself working on my chem right when ee2 was about the corner. the same thing i did for psycho as well. the fact that the lecturers actually did notice the improvement in the students, got me wanting to work harder. =) chem class was awesome. though it was the last class of our time slots, we would normally feel really tired by the time we enter chem classes. but what kept us alive and awake would be the really lame people we have in our classes. some chatterboxes and some boomboxes here and there were probably the best medicine to the tiresome day.

psycho class. i had this same group of people whom i sit with EVERY CLASS WITHOUT FAIL. =D except for the fact that this one guys always decides to come on and off from time to time... make that two. one just disappeared completely after one period of time. at least there were still two around. =) beginning of the year we had a different lecturer. miss zurina. boy how we all tried to like her. =/ i am being honest. i apologise. and then miss jane came in. we finally got a hang of psychology. heh. and miss jane is really adorable. our first impression of her was that she was strict and scary as hell. but i guess it worked well so that we would actually listen to her. but as the year passed on, we got to learn that her angry face was only a mask. we would still end up seeing her smile by the end of the class somehow or rather. she is awesome in everyway. adorably funny. "slap you up down left right, north south eash west." her famous phrase. and if we say something irrelevant, "i *insert irrelevent word here* you ah!". she tries her best to make sure that we all score too. =)

math class. heh. my most dreaded class. no offence. but yeah. i switched classes cause i wanted to have a longer break before my chemistry class. and so i wasn't really attached to my own class. =/ but yeah. when we are in math class, all we do was work work and work. i was even too scared to ask anyone how to do certain questions cause i felt like i was the dumbest there. not much of a fond memory of math class. =/ buti had good companions here. kudos to that. ;D

and lastly, EALD with miss Julia! best memory? got picked for the extra classes for weak students. yeah. i was furious. i mean, i didn't expect my english to be that bad that i actully need to go for extra classes. but hey! thank goodness i got to go. i sucked at synthesis and my writing needed some improvement anyways. so yes, it was a good thing that i was chosen. and i tried to be diligent and went for almost all of her extra classes. but there were times that the classes were cancelled. =/ so it gave me an idea to stay back in college to do some self studying. one good thing that lead to another. how awesome is that? and well. things turned out well.

for whatever it is worth, things had fallen into place and i can only hope that i had made the best out of it all. for i did not want to regret a single thing i do. there may be some times where i did complain that i regret what i do, but as of now, i prefer not to have any regrets, because to me, regrets are what that pulls a person back from advancing forward, and losing the whole point of enjoying life in the first place. it was my turn to take control of my life, college was a stepping stone for me to take lead of my own life. and thank goodness that i had chosen to not regret what i do. for i know regrets have been holding me back for far too long. college will definitely be something worth remembering.
p.s; i even have a favourite toilet that i go to. HAHA! oops. secret revealed. =P
and i also have a favourite food from the cafeteria, and also favourite hangout spot in the library. that is where i found my niches.

look ahead, uni is coming up. all these will have to be rearranged and we all would have to start from square one all over again. but nope, we have experiences now, we would know whom to hang out with, and we would know what makes us feel better when times are rough, and we would know what to do when situation turns cloudy upon us.

i learned to treasure my belongings.
i learned that shopping is quite fun.
but i still restrict myself, mind you.
i only spent on food. like nobody's business. like the world is ending tomorrow.
hey, shouldn't we all be living like that? living like the world is ending tomorrow. aha! naise.
but that's too much. so what if you do live tomorrow and you don't have anymore money to even buy food... please don't. and save some for the rainy season. =)

i had stopped my bookshelf clearance just to post this. i just felt like posting something. keeping memories like the times i had them in my mind before i forget them. somewhat like a time machine. i like. =)

thanks for wasting your time reading this piece of junk. sharing what i thought meaningful to me, hoping to bring some memories back to you guys too. it's almost the end of 2011. reminiscing through would be nice. especially with all those good moments passed. allows you to stop to think, life was good. and you, keeping up with the good spirit in having a better life ahead! yeah. ;D

please don't ever think that your life sucks, for all you know, others out there may have worse experiences worth of the phrase, "f*** my life". just don't be so harsh on yourself. life is worth living. everyday you wake up, it's a whole new day. and you, should be blessed that you are still breathing. for what it's worth, do whatever you want to do before it is too late. HOLD IT. it is never too late for anything. never. =)

here is to the awesome year we all had this year.
and here, is the the awesome year ahead that we all will have!
*imaginary toast of some champagne*
;D

fears of growing up.
does anyone else out there have this fear too?

as a child, we've always wanted to grow up faster than our age, we would feel proud when someone tells us that we are mature then. we would argue with parents thinking that we were right and they were wrong, almost all the time, when evidently, they were right all along. nope, we just wanted to grow up. because it was cool to be a grown up. but that was then.

Here at the boarding area of the airport. Just said goodbye to my dear mummy about half an hour ago. Now of which, I am waiting to board onto my flight home to Malaysia. My first time flying home alone, I just realised. Will I ever return?

Hugging my mom for my dear life. Literally. How could I not? Much I have bonded with her this trip around. Each time I come here, each time I grow older, each time I grow wiser. At least, I'd like to think I did. =) it isnt all the time that we can have heart to heart talks like that provided the distance. Regardless, she is still my mother, it is just me, unable to feel the bond as close as those I see with my own eyes. Things are just different. As different as it is, well, truth is, everybody has their own different lives of their own... or so to say. Which, is quite true. Without a doubt.

We generalize things, it helps us to keep things as simple as it is, thus sometimes, gives us thoughts that 'they are of the same species' unable to understand what 'we' are going through from time to time. But would we bother to stop, to think about what the other party had been through before we have our own opinions and thoughts about it? In general, we wouldnt, and for those who think too much, are deemed silly for thinking so much. So which is which?

I realise I have been arguing myself with this exact same issue over and over again for the past few posts. I apologise for the repeated naggings of unnecessary ponderings. I truly am sorry for those posts. ><

I shall go back to my lovely days with my dear mummy, shall i? Hehe. Poor mummy was having that time of the month. Good thing her boyfriend was around for the first five days, where she could put all her attention on him and release her stress on him. =P it gets a bit annoying that they were arguing, but owh well, at least they were not angry at each other. Just that I did feel slightly left out whenever they talk. After all, I guess opposite sexes does attract more attention than blood. Hahahahaha! Shh! I did not just tell you that. I brought a little too many books to do some reading, thinking I would have nothing to do when mummy is off working. But he was around, so he was busy bringing me and mummy places. Guilt trip this had become. =/

It wasnt until he left that I could feel my mommah's loneliness. Even with my presence, I could feel it. Poor mummy. ='( So with all her focus on me, she was screaming at me. For my behaviours where I am like every other teenager, whom she has not raised up by her own, a child who seem like a big kid, still unable to be responsible for my own. Yes. I wish I could be mummy's little girl forever too. Probably it was my intention of making her scold me, when on occasion cases, avoiding these would be the norm. Nope. I sat there, watching her scold me fullheartedly. The moments where I felt love through whatever she was saying. Scoldings that made no necessary sense to growing teenagers, words that spilled love.

Haha! Who'd knew I was such a fillial child. I could very well had been the good daughter, listening to whatever she asked of me, but I simply refused. Somehow, I refused. I could tell mummy is worried that I am going off to Australia on my own. It is about time where I learn to experience life on my own, to mummy's eyes, I am still a big kid. A child that is growing physically but mentally still immature and childish. I'd like mummy to have that thought of me. I'd like her to remember me that way, for I know growing up is difficult, even for me, but what more for parents, watching their children grow and say, 'my baby is all grown up'. This would be the time where I would want to stop growing, for this age, at this point of time, one step ahead would mean the world. Literally, but true as it may be.

If you would want to say that I am still a child, it is a denial thought. Well, if my mom or aunt really thinks that I am still that immature, they wouldnt have possibly allowed me to take charge of the car, allowed me to go clubbing or even flying on my own. There will come a time where all denials will be voided. Where both physical and mental evidence will definitely overshadow them denials. But hey, keeping parents at the bay, thinking that we are still kids, will make them feel much more attached to us, eventhough the person is not present within the visual perimeter, it keeps the bond alive. The thought where we will run back into their arms like we used to, the thought where they are our sole pillar to keep our heads above water, the thought that we still need them in our lives.

I have two mothers. One who takes care of me, one who supports me. Without these two, I would not have been where I am today. And my limbs are too long to fit in this crampy seats of airasia flights. I complain like nobody's business. And I appreciate to those who bared with it all. I have no clue why I am writing this, but I did, and I have no plans of editing it, for I have promised myself to be as honest as I can. =)

Moments where we would sit and have heart to heart talks to understand each other better, looking back at what that had been understood wrongly, finally being cleared out. Moments where you listen to know what is on their minds, should be treasured. For they could have been thoughts buried deep down in their hearts and have been hurt countless of times because of it. The thoughts that are the hardest to be shared because of how much it hurts, just to even have a thought of it. Tears that flowed, because of such thoughts, tears that could have possibly meant the world. Tears that meant, the thought had been released. Tears that shows us signs, that things will be better. Tears that will keep us strong.

6.48pm, 15th Dec 2011.

Well, dont I have something to talk about today? =) the adventures I have here in Macau quite recently have been quite an eye opener to things I barely take notice of. Right now at this moment, I am seated at mcD, in Sands Casino, where my mom works at. She is currently working, but I am here. I wonder why myself, but it is good that I am somewhat given the opportunity to see my mom work... literally.

Honestly saying, I dont really know how to use the word 'literally' but it seems to match the sentences I make. High possibilities that I may have misused it many times without realising it, but it flows naturally. Hehe. I do apologise for the confusion, if I did cause any in the first place.

Right, back to my adventures. Today, I went shopping. As a girl, I love shopping. Trying on pretty dresses and clothings, dressing up and dreaming of wearing those pretty stuff. But there is always one factor that stops me short from purchasing them; the price. I mean, if it is reasonable, I'm pretty sure I, or any other girls out there would think twice before purchasing them. But really, what is the 'reasonable' price that we are looking for?

When we shop, there are other factors that play almost as important roles as the price, we would see if we actually do need it, or how worthy the price is, or how worthy the material is, or how fashionable it could be. Some might elapse into shopping fit; buying expensive things because they are in a bad mood or they just felt like shopping. Many a times, these people will fell much better after spending some money. We can say it is some method of self pampering. It works wonders, really.

Some would spend money on others. A certain portion would say that they are the generous bunch, some would also say that they are trying to buy people off. Some would find it difficult to spend on oneself than on others while there are those who are the complete opposite too. It depends on the individual, really. We cant really judge people in that manner can we? In fact, if one does start judging, there are tons of other aspects worth judging altogether.

Hold it. If you are trying to say that i, myself am doing the judging, which also means I have no rights in saying so myself, true. You have a point. But we all are humans, pretty much generalising everything else. After all, I am only merely stating my honest opinions.

Tracing back to my day, I had become my mother'd barbie doll today. She took me to this shop and started shoving me dresses to try. Each of these dresses costs about a thousand hkd/mop. Am sure I tried on about 5 to 6 dresses and mummy picked and purchased 2. Which totaled up to 2k plus. Got a free gift, a teddy bear.

I am not the kind who likes it when a lot of money is involved when purchasing, for I feel like these money could well off be used for other things. Deep down, I do have that feeling of spending that much too, but that would be after a long period of consideration. People would tell me it is too expensive and I would just drop that thought with a heavy heart. A matter with my laptop. It is a necessity, but I went on searching and eventually landed myself with a reasonable priced laptop. Not so much with my phone however. Even named my phone, 'G' to remind me of the guilt I had when I purchased the phone. It wasnt too long ago that I spotted this phone of mine with a much lower price. So yeah. Money wasted right there.

As for dresses. I find them a waste of money too. I am a huge fan of dresses. Loved how dresses compliments my body and makes me look and feel slightly different. But the difference is the cause that those dresses cant be worn repeatedly. More like a one time use matter. And these dresses are always expensive. =( beauty definitely has its price. If you are wondering, 'why not wear it again?', good question, I do not understand what it is that is stopping us from wearing it again. Unless it is a whole different clique of friends, it is possible, but if its the same, chances are... we would still opt to get something new. By we, I meant us, girls. Maybe its cause we were used to seeing everyone wearing something new, everytime there is a formal event or somesort. After all, it isnt everytime that we dress up like that. Or do we?

As a girl, I should be overjoyed that mummy is willing to spend so much on me. But as her daughter, I feel slightly upset, for she had spent those money on me instead of other better things. Yes, I am silly for thinking so, I know. But I guess I was brought up in a way where spending money felt like a forbidden thing to do, yet a must. Haha! I could've told my mummy not to buy for me, but that glowing face of hers when I tried on the dresses, made me speechless. It then hit me, I have never shopped for dresses with my mummy ever before. Ever. I couldnt say no.

10.10pm, 12th Dec 2011.

Double entry! Bam!
Still am here waiting for my dear mummy to come find me. And I just sneezed. It isnt that hard for a frail and stubborn person like me to fall sick. Mom was yelling at me yesterday, asking me to put on something warmer if I wanted to sit in the living room. But I was stubborn as usual, sat there and focused on my phone for the whole one hour. Surprisingly, I didnt feel that cold. I just sat there in the cold, insisting on wearing somethin warmer. Serves me right, I am now sneezing. Pretty sure I will hit fever soon if I dont take care of myself. *sneeze, sniff* voila. Need anymore proof? I am already sick. Mummy is gonna give me the, 'i told you so' face when she sees me sneeze later. Hahaha! Good job for the stubborn one. ;)

Ah yes. Plus the fact that I didnt get enough sleep prior to my flight here, and also not to forget the harsh weather, the stubborn one really deserves it. But then again, if I had a chance I would want to sue airasia. Fullheartedly. Damn. They made us walk around like lost tourists with a lost tourguide. It was noticed that the staffs had no proper communication with one another. I mean, why would you make a group of approximately 190 people walk so much of a distance to only be told that the flight will be at 9.30 instead of the scheduled 6.30 flight? They even made us sit in a plane, settled down, and then make us walk back down from the plane and walking all the way back to the boarding area. If its the klia distance from a plane to the boarding area, that, is still acceptable. But not this. Shyit! Do you know far do we need to walk at lcct just to get to and from the plane to the boarding area? We could well of walked about three to four times the football field.

Had been a loyal airasia flyer since it first came into business. It just deteriorates as years passed. And it is depressing to know that. Oh yeah. I am complaining. =P and this is probably one of the only good thing I can do when this kind of things happen. Heh. To think if I would still fly airasia, I dont think I would anymore. It gets more frustrating as the years go by. I would only end up complaining even more. Haha! Really. I would. ._.

At least other airlines would serve food, as it is already been paid for, and they have better airatewards/dess. ;D and the customers should be of a different group. Yes. Stereotyping had just taken place. =/ I shall stop here with that biased though of mine.

Anyhoo. Today is Saturday. Honestly saying, I cant wait to get back home to the heat. Hehehe. For I have fallen under the weather. ><
I would really like to sleep right now. Gaah. *sniffsniff*shiver* so yes. Dont underestimate the power of mother nature. And if I had the choice, I would like to sit here in Starbucks for the whole day. Atmosphere is good. Gets my brain working to do some writing. High chances I would not even bother to do anything like this back at home. The writing feeling comes go whenever it likes. Which pretty much sucks.

Alrighty. This visit was to come accompany mummy. But it feels like I have been bothering her more than accompany. =/ will be missing this place though. Might not be coming here again. Macau is like my... Third home. =)

Owh yes. I cut my hair. Here is how the scenario went; mummy asked if wanted to have a haircut, and I said yes. It wasnt until I was done with my haircut that I had no our why I wanted to cut it in the first place. But as of now, I am actually liking my haircut. Its something I have yet to try before. It is a messy do. Mine had always been the straight down slightly bob-ed cut. But the frizz was making it unbearable.maybe th was why I decided to cut it off. Now it is short and bushy and messy. Somewhat like Rene's on one of the antm cycle. ;D

Mummy is here! Continue shopping. ;D

5.03pm, 10th Dec 2011.

Hello there. =)
Today I had decided that I would publish a live blog on my daily life and where it evolves upon. This blog post would probably the introduction of what I may be facing, or even my thoughts. High chances that I will express myself sparingly. Thoughts are purely mine, free comments but not condemn comments are more than welcomed. Well, what is the point of a discussion if it involved arguements with bad intentions anyways. That would just ruin the whole thought of it. Mind you, there might be times where I would feel constricted to express myself. Times where I would keep quiet, for emotions would most probably be the whole thought, and therefore, the point is immediately altered.

Lets start somewhere shall we? I have yet to decide on the blog title. Best of all, I havent even opened a new blog and I am already starting up and entry. Well, honestly saying, I just want to get this thing started, otherwise it would end up another white elephant idea. Lets be frank, I have tons of white elephant ideas. *hold that thought!! I have Koreans behind me! Omg!! Omg! Omgggg!!!!... Okay I'm done* yeah. I have many of those. I daydream and imagine alot of fancy ideas. Ideas where it would be abit over the top to even achieve. But then again, even with thoughts like that, I wont be able to carry them out, for I had doubts, doubts that would stop me from reliving those splendid daydream of mine. But then again, there is a reason to why daydream are considered as daydream and not hopes and wishes, right? And if one thinks that they are actually of the SAME thing. Heh. I am truly sorry, my friend, for if someone asks me to think less, most likely, it will... NEVER happen.

Right now, I am sitting here at Starbucks, at the famous 'san ma lou' of Macau. It was filled with people and I actually had to line up. I guess the cold weather here is making everyone tempted to get a sip of some hot goodness of Starbucks. Haha! And a sip of the famous signature hot chocolate, with the bitterish flavour of each mouthful, hot, soothing, just the thing for the winter. Ahh. Yeah. Plus that 'under the weather' feeling, this, is really good. Not to mention that relaxing Christmas music that is playing here at Starbucks. Was apparently selfish enough to hog a three seater table while I am on my own, posting random stuff for the moment. Have been here for about half an hour now, waiting for my darling mummy to call while I indulge myself with some splendid heavenly goodness. I mean, I dont think I would be able to enjoy hot chocolate as much as I would back at home. The weather difference is definitely making every penny worth the price.

On second thought, I might as well post this on my most recent blog as well. This is still a tad bit too general for it to be kept private. At least now I have a starting post for my newest blog and one to update my current blog! It might be boring to a few, but hey, it is definitely a start for me. Feeling pretty optimistic about this. ;) though I really am apologetic if I do confuse you, my dear readers. =/ but I am sincerely thankful that you are here reading my blogposts. =)

Well. That is it with my first enter for my newest blog, and also an update on my current blog! Dont worry, I doubt I would be doing double entries the next time around. Will be posting as time allows. Toodleloo~ =)

4.03pm, 10th Dec 2011

i have always questioned myself. something i would do at almost every given spare moments as life passed on by. me, having an empty thought would probably be something really rare. to say that i am not thinking about anything at all, it would definitely be a lie. as much as i try not to think so much, the chain of thoughts are just never ending. i used to think, it is because i'm a female, for generally, people will say that female brains are constantly thinking while men's are usually empty, and when they meant empty, they really meant empty.

what is there that is in need of such an amount of thinking to do? there doesnt seem like a possible way that a person could actually think 24 hours a day, can it? chances that i may be exaggerating that i am thinking that much, but to me, it doesnt seem impossible. sometimes, the thoughts may be too overwhelming that it pulls me under the wind, and there i go, feeling numb and emotionless, no thanks to the thoughts i had whirling through my mind.

i have a habit, where i choose not to mingle as much with the female human population as compared to the males. for i know that females will start having judgemental thoughts of me, which will then automatically break my safeguard of self confidence in everything i do. true enough, not every individual are the same, thus i have no rights at categorizing genders in that manner. but what if i say, that it is based on my personal experience, and it is what i see that is always happening as events occur? one could also tell me, that it is my problem for being fragile. by countering this, i am who i am, same like everyone else, different, didn't that just bite you back with your initial question?

hah! that was fun. i was in a mode where i was countering myself. i guess words could not further describe the fact that i have too much in my mind that it could even drive me crazy someday. from my point of view, having the fact that i overthink things is pretty much risky. for there are times where overthinking would result with a disastrous effect out of the decision made. similar like the proverb, 'too many cooks will spoil the broth', literally, in my situation, it would meant that there were too many ways and ideas on how to settle a simple problem, would eventually end up producing a whole chunk of mess instead.

it naturally poses a sense of insecurity in me. but i guess that's what makes me slightly different from everyone else. hey, it might as well be somekind of superpower altogether. a silly, but jolly thought that one is. =)

Kim ! I think you should start writing a book , because you have a lot of things to talk and issue about :) hahahah...

this has got to be one heck of an inspirational comment i have ever received. ever. definitely appreciating it to the max.

hi there! it's three thirty am. and i refuse to sleep for somewhat reason that i am unsure of. but here i am, beginning a blogpost on my laptop. =)
so. i was that lifeless today that i decided to stalk an old enemy of mine
yeah. i have an enemy. which was a good thing, at least i know i'm not perfect.
and the moment i read her blog, i cracked up.
for in a sense, to me, she had not grown nor changed abit.
who knows, it maybe a good thing for her that she's still in that state.
as a matter of fact, my talking about her, here on my blog is quite insignificant,
but i just felt like doing something like this. =D

here, is the exact words mentioned by this darling princess on that post.
IF I WERE TO DIE TOMORROW, 2 PEOPLE I'LL NEVER FORGIVE, OU KAH SIM, NASHARINA NAZLAN. I KNOW THAT THEY TOO ARE NOT DESPERATE FOR MY FORGIVENESS.
nicely bolded, in full too, isn't it?
it's dated April.
and you must be wondering why am i still bothered looking through her blog and bring this up again.
it's just for my own entertainment! D=

will continue when i feel like it.
eyelids are getting too heavy

So! I stepped my foot into a club for the very first time after 18 years alive. May be deemed as a hypocrite to a few of you, for I had been going on and on about "why the hell are you going to a club" with the very disgusted facial expression of mine. Best part, people whom I thought would never do clubbing were in fact clubbing. Definitely got me curious on what the buzz about clubbing is like. And I figured that this bunch of people would be safest to go with because they are the experienced and sensible ones. One of them even said it was a must for me to go, by the end of this year.

Voila! With that fear I had about going into a club immediately evaporated once I was in there. It wasnt close to what I expected it to be. Haha! Thank you mainstream television shows and movies for the exposure. It was just... normal. People were all just standing there, moving a little to the rhythm. But it turns out that the 'party' had not started. So I guess everybody was just waiting for the 'party' to start. But then again, that stereotypical mind of mine gave me the thought that malaysians are like that. They wait, for the others to start before they participate.

So, clubbing is just dancing and not much of drinking? Turns out there are a few types. Not sure which is which, bet I wont want to go near the drinking ones. Lets talk about dancing, shall we? =) As soon as the 'party' started, some girl in a short white tube dress stepped onto the highest point of the stage and danced, looking like a whore. It looks like she is dancing like a whore, but if you don't stereotype like me, you would be able to see that she is actually releasing herself and enjoying herself. She was totally absorbed into her dancing that it made her look like a whore. I called her a whore cause I could see her underpants. And when we see that happening to Korean artists, we blame it on the company for doing a bad management on the dressing that makes the artists look like whores.

A friend of mine told me, if you can dance, you can actually chase her off that stage point. Heh. Didnt do that. Standing on the stage itself makes me abit intimidated already. For me, standing on the top it's for the good dancers, or for people who are just too high about themselves. Most of them who went up there, are of the second category. One would be that girl in the white dress, and another one, this girl, had long straight hair, wearing a black tube, quite flair, and she was on the top stage. What annoys me is that she was that she is of the second category, and was so occupied with her phone. Imagine watching a girl, dancing like she is drunk and stops to text on her phone for a few seconds before resuming her drunk dance. It. Is. Annoying.

But it bemused me that people could actually do things like that. Just breaking loose of their inner constrict, enjoying and relaxing themselves. Honestly, letting go like that isnt an easy thing for me to do. Thus, in a way, I do respect these people. These are things that we cant do in our daily routine. You cant expect to see a person randomly dancing like a crazy person in the middle of nowhere, right? So yes, this is the one appropriate place where people are given the chance to let loose. Provided that the intentions are good, I dont see how clubbing can be a bad thing. It still depends on the individual. And one has to be completely aware of one's own behaviour. Eventhough one lets loose, consciousness should never be pushed aside, for it is the only thing we can depend on to protect ourselves from any possible hazards.

I had that doubt, about going clubbing or even drinking. For the moment you are exposed to such, it shows that you, are growing up. It is the moment where you, officially gain trust from your parents (provided if you do inform them that you are actually going), you learn to make smart decisions on your own, for each option you choose then and there, will bring you instant change. Change that would probably cost you your future. Haha! Yeap. It really does.

You sit and wonder, have you really missed the chances that were once around? Chances that could've change the way things are happening at the present moment? Chances that could've bring a total different outcome with things that are about to happen in the future. You stop to ponder, was it worth looking back at what you could've done to make things different now, are these regret based decision made, are the regrets worth regretting.

We say, regretting is not worth anything at all, for the present is what matters most, present is what we can change, to sculpture a better future up ahead. People also say, regrets are factors that will hold us back from moving forward. Regrets pull us into a dark corner, and it only depends on how strong a person is before this person can stand up again and walk towards the light once again.

Regrets, is a reminder on how we should not make the same mistakes we did back then, mistakes that would make the individual stuck at a point of life, watching the while world passing by, but they are searching frantically for the strength to follow the flow, but the strength seemed to have sapped out by some evil dark force. That, results with the persons being stuck there at a stand still point.

We were forced to study history. The government tells us, it is necessary as it would expose to us about the treacherous past, a reminder that we should not do anything stupid to allow the past from repeating itself. Life tells us to look forward. But humanity is making us look back. Which reminds me if what we learnt in psychology, the id, ego, and superego. Id is the devil, who wants its satisfaction fulfilled, superego is the angel, telling us to do what is right from wrong, ego, is the human body, carrying out decisions, based on both the thoughts of the devil and the angel. In this matter, devil tells us to be selfish, and look forward, forgetting the past. And the angel, telling us to be conscious, look at the past before deciding.

As much as one chooses not to allow the past to resurface, the past will always return to hunt a living soul regardless of the situation. And when it does resurface, it will lockdown that person, being unable to make a decision at all. For it seems that whatever decision made, would return and haunt you like how the previous regrets made.

One may say that they do not have a single regret in their life. Well, truth is, nobody is perfect, mistakes will appear every now and then. If the person knows how to stand tall and overcome that mistake made, he or she will learn so much more that the experience becomes priceless.

Regrets are good. They help a person improve in whatever they do. Mistakes are the cause of regrets. Life throws us all over the place, it tears us apart from time to time. Life is also unexpected. Which makes it interesting. As life proceeds, light will always be there, we just need to want it.

It has been awhile since I last posted something. Didnt even bother to post anything, actually. Had been spamming twitter since the exam ended. That, is a wrong statement. Truth is, I have been tweeting endlessly eversince I got this handphone of mine. Pretty sure I'm overusing it at some point, but that, has nothing to do with what I'm about to mention. And yet again, a nostalgic road will be taken as I rummaged through my thoughts to get it written as presentable as I could. =)

Sometime this hour, last year, I would most probably be sleeping, preparing myself to be psyched up for my next spm paper. Situation would be similar between last year and this year, only difference is that this year, is a definite speeded version of last year. Exam had already passed, whats next? Outings? Gatherings? Searching on what or where to go next year?

Taking the next step after one stage is complete. That is how we move forward, and somehow try to be a level smarter than we originally were. Before the end of government schooling, we just knew we were.advancing another year ahead, nothing to be choosy over. Until it came to form4. Sciece? Or arts? Even that, some of us had difficulty deciding.

I would say it was due to the fear of choosing the wrong interest, resulting with a regret we will be carrying on our heads until the day we take our last breathe. Exaggerated fact, that. But possible. It was not until last year, where parents would begin nagging on us, asking us what is it that we want to do, bugging us on which course we should be taking. Teachers too, were busy giving lectures about the types of matriculations and all. But what did we do? Ignore.

It definitely didnt feel like it was something interesting, then. It was more like, "owh well, we can always register later." smiles, walks away. Before we knew it, we were thrown all over the place, trying to figure out which course would be the one course we should be taking, in preparation of what we want to do in the future. Many of us are still struggling, unsure of what we should be focusing on. Some decided that studying is enough, but they needed to go on studying, otherwise future seems really shaky.

Then suddenly, it felt like the worst week ever, you didnt know what to do or where to go, worrying it might be the wrong decision made. Also wishing you had actually researched earlier on it, so you didnt have to go through such hassle at that moment. BUT A DECISION HAS TO BE MADE!! So you spent time scouting around, searching for the best course, asking around for opinion and such. And finally, a decision is made. Dont worry! You are still in that worrried, studies, friends, transportation, accommodation, these had to be given a thought too.

Personally, throughout my whole form5, I already knew what I wanted to do. An Australian matriculation. But then I found out there were two totally different ones. That itself got me thinking hard on deciding which exact one I should he going to. It took me a long time to make a decision, registering on the final week for registrations. Even after the decision was made, I was still in doubt, worried I had taken the wrong course. And the truth is, that worrying was necessary. It drives you to work at your best, making sure you did not regret your decision made.

Honestly, I had no regrets. Ausmat here at sunway won by a few extra points over Taylor's SAM. Parking availability, travelling distance, and it was also cheaper. =P owh. And its much bigger compared to Taylor's worn out building. Hehe. Win! And our classes have different people in different classes, we were not just stuck with the same group of people for the whole year. Hehe. I sound mean. But... Its the truth! And we could just walk to pyramid whenever we felt like it. Good choice made. =D lecturers were awesome too. <3

But hey, that part of life is over. 5years off high school being cramped into a 10 month course is still overwhelming. Knowing you had learn to love such awesome people, it is difficult to let go, just like that. We are left with no choice, but we have to move on. By that, it meant returning to that overly confused moment of our lives, deciding which universities we should be heading. Most of us will end up alone, some fortunate ones will go with an accompany or two.

Universities, requires a huge amount of money just to be in their course. I have no idea why is education so expensive. As for those weaklings like me, it really does feel unnecessary to continue studying when that fear of being unable to graduate after spending such a huge sum of money, is really unbearable. Life expenses, accommodation, they all need money. What if you end up at some university that is of no good? To think that deciding for college was already tough, this, would be much tougher.

There are just too many factors that requires a lot of thinking through before that final decision is being made.

=/

It seems really dark up ahead eventhough I'm holding about ten torches with me as I go through this path.

S.o @ 10.49am, 21st Nov 2011.

So... I have been really lost lately. As much as I tried to stay positive, I just can't. Too much crap is happening, and everything is out of place. I know it is all in me. If I could just stop worrying, things would be fine. But I cant do that.

Things are just different now. I mean. It is such a blow that I cant even stand on my own two feet, feeling and thinking that everything will be alright. How can it possibly be alright when nothing seems repairable at this stage.

Its a whirlpool of chaos. I cant get my head straight. I dont even know what to do. All the things just vanished into thin air as though it never existed in the first place. Why? Why? WHY?!

I hate being in this state, for I dont even know what I want. I cant do what I could normally do anymore. Just feels like I am impaired somehow. Life just seems unworthy of living now.

Watched the season finale of greys season 6 last night. It got me crying. It would have to be the first time I cry over a tv series or even movie, other than those involving dogs dying... Yeah. That. It was showing how a massacre had happened in the hospital where people were dying. They captured scenes of those who were dying. I dont know why, but it got me really emotional. Probably its cause I had images of me dying, leaving the world in peace. But I guess dying itself is not at all that peaceful.

It still depends on the life of others who are still alive. People have the instincts to survive. Even when the environment threatens to kill you, the body is that magnificent that it finds ways to ensure that you, get out of there alive.

But what if you are destined to die? That, would be one that I am prepared for. Death is something that is unavoidable, if you were to die, you will die, if you were not supposed to die, you wont die. You cant control it. You cant say, you wanna die and come back alive. You only have one life.

And that one life is so priceless that you cant exactly pay to have a life. You pay, to give yourself an opportunity to have a life. You, are the one who determines what life is about. You choose life to be bitter, it is your choice. You choose life to be fabulous, it is your choice.

No one can tell you how to live your own life. It is YOUR life, not theirs.

I know its rather contradicting with what is happening to me. Frankly saying, I just feel lost. I am at a point where I dont see the worthiness of living my life. It seems crushed somehow. But I'll pick myself up, somehow, someday. And when I do, I'll be looking back at this day, laughing at it.

S.o @ 2.07pm, 13th Nov 2011

knowing how much i love to do cheerleading,
and you expect me to just sit down aside and just watch as others hop and prance around?
just because i have scoli, it just prohibits me from doing what i loved.
in a way, i have to change my points of interest, just to look away from the fact that i can't hop and prance around like the others could.
at this point of time, i really wish i had not know that my scoli existed in the first place,
otherwise i would just continue doing whatever i loved, and just suck up whatever pain that might be caused on me, but still doing it.
simply because i love what i do.
and that, i would not have any regrets, or dilemma, similar to the one i am facing right now.

it just icks me that the fact that for the one thing that could bring such joy to me, could not be further pursued.

and if you're asking me to get my scoli fixed, before doing what i want to do,
chances are, it could just get back to it's original shape as it is, or might even get worse if i were hardcore in what i do.


the fact that i know of my scoli,
i have to be constantly be aware of what i do,
just to prevent it from curving back to it's originally discovered state, or even deteriorate, or even to hurt me.
hah.
it just sounds like my body is hurting my by itself.

well, the only reason why i am posting such intense post is simply because,
it finally does feels like my scoli condition has been costing me my life.
literally,
though there may be many gazillion other things that i could find interest in,
but the interest has to be there in the first place,
you cant just go by saying, "oh, this is interesting, okay!" and then finding yourself being forced to like it simply because you don't want to get that thought of your initial interest in you mind, where it would just break you, into pieces, literally.

i am upset.
for when i told my auntie, that i wanted to go for a cheer practise,
she took sometime to respond to me,
it was different, as before this, i could just inform her that i'll be going out, and she's fine with it,
but not this time,
i somehow felt it was a reasonable thing to inform her that i wanted to go for a cheer practise.
well, of course, she was concerned about my backbone,
yet she knew i was really interested in cheer still,
so she hasitated, didn't say no, didn't say yes either.
and i too knew that i should be aware of my backbone, as i am unable to make proper decisions on my own from time to time.
i had to ask her the next morning, where she finally approved of me going for the training session,
but i told her, i would be just sitting at a corner, watching them.
well, there was no way i was to just sit and watch, cause i was very much interested, and so, i joined in.
regret not taken.
for it was what i wanted to experience ever since i could not cheer anymore.
the passion had never died in me,
but i knew i could not participate, somehow.
and i am right.

it is a debate on whether i should just ignore my back and go ahead with what i want to do,
or
drop that passion and take good care of my back.
honestly, i would rather take the first option.
but of course, that's the 'want' part of me, where i would ignore all consequences, just to enjoy myself.
everyone around me, would want me to take care of my back too.
thus dilemma is overwhelming.

i know i should just drop that passion and find something else,
but the truth is,
that passion is right there in your heart,
right where it grows within you,
the subconscious part of you that you are bonded with.
it's just not easy dropping a passion like that.

4 whole years of yearning to finally start cheering again.
when i finally had the chance,
reality smacks into my face and tells me,
NO, HELL NO YOU CAN'T, IN YOU FACE, BITCH!

thinking about it now just breaks my heart.
because the 2nd interest that comes in before cheer, would be dancing.
even it requires alot of movements.
yes, i can still dance,
but i can't do it hardcore.

the fact that i have to be constantly thinking about my backbone, just spoils the crap out of everything.
heck, i can't even sleep more than 8 hours per day,
i can't even sleep less than 8 hours a day,
i can't sit down too long,
i can't stand too long,
i can't carry heavy loads,
i can't walk for too long,
why?
because all these will lead to me having backaches.

i'm trying to be as strong as i can to push this matter aside,
as i know, this matter isnt a matter where its some kind of a super huge chaotic matter.
yes, i am aware of it.
i am only letting go of my frustrations.
and apparently, i am letting it all out, here.
i do apologise for that. =/

i have scoli, and i'm annoyed by the fact that i have scoli.
others who have severe scoli cases should have more difficulty than i have, right?
so why am i upset?
cause i don't know how to manage myself well.
that's just it.

sorry. ='(

there has been a slight change in my posting styles.
HAHA
if you do see a post ending with the
S.o @ time, date.
that, is posted from my phone.
thus i apologise for the weird typos that dont make sense sometimes,
because i am still not used to the touch screen typing sorta thingy.

speaking of which,
i got myself a proper handphone.
little did i know, i wanted to be like everyone else, having a phone equipped with a camera and internet excess.
and now, i have it.
didnt realise i havent give a name for my phone until a friend of mine asked.
haha. simply because i have a name for my special belongings,
my laptop, Baby.
my pink blanket, Blankey
and that yellow car i drive, Sunny.
and sooo~ i name my phone, G.
yeap. just one alphabet. G.
could've bring the meaning for Gaming, Guilt, and maybe Girls Generation.
Gaming cause it was meant for gaming.
Guilt is because it was the first feeling i had once i paid for it.
Girls Generation, well, it's just cause i love them, and their songs were the first to be transferred into my phone.
alright. BOASTING MOMENT!
you should just leave here if you have problems with people boasting for awhile.
=O
yes. i am mean.
i decided i have to be, otherwise i wouldnt have a proper life, thanks to them haters.
anyhow,
i got myself a white colours Xperia PLAY.
initially i didnt knew there was actually an existence of such phone.
i needed to get a phone anyways, the moment i saw it, i couldnt resist, so i got it.
after two hours of thinking throuhg.
i was in need of a phone, like seriously, otherwise i would take a much longer time to ponder around.
costs me almost half the price of Baby.
which made me guilty cause it was considered expensive for me.
Baby has so much more spec, but is only twice the price of G.
just felt a little wrong for me.
if it was 1/3 i guess it was still acceptable?
owh well.
it was quite worrying, cause i bought G, the day before i had to sit for my Biology paper.
honestly, i was distracted quite badly.
quite severely too.
HAHA
hey. it was confusing, new and interesting, of course it had my attention.
even got me giddy for the first two days i was using it. seriously.

hate the fact that it's battery dies out extremely fast.
bleah. i had to charge it like, everyday. sometimes twice per day too. =/
heavy internet user i am.

well. i am typing this from my laptop.
hopefully there isnt as many typos compared to the phone posts.
and it's distinctly different as my laptop posts are usually long but broken in many ways.
hehe. i like it like that. =D

alright. that's all from me.
=)
thank you for reading. <3

I am at a real cheer practise! Omg.
It has been years since I wanted to get my ass to one of these cheer practises. Well. The only problem I had back then was the fact that I had to travel long distances just to go for one cheer practise. Not only that, they only have these trainings during night time. It would really be difficult for me to go out, only reaching home when its dark. Especially when I'm a girl, who travels alone most of the time.

Pretty upsetting that it took me so long to finally come here. It is definitely a proper training for cheerleading. But now that I get to experience it, it is definitely rewarding. Despite me having really little knowledge about cheer, they seem to be determined to teach you what you needed to know about cheer. It definitely doesnt feel like how I felt like back when I was 13. Back then, if they feel frustrated, they just couldnt care about you, here, you just learn. They were that determined that you feel inspired to actually improve yourself.

I finally sweated properly this year. The last time I sweated was the time where I pushed myself to do some mountain hiking. That resulted with me having a minor headache. Today. Was pretty much hardcore. Slightly giddy, but I enjoyed every moment of it. I am learning to be a cheerleader again. Blissful peace I have in me, where it can be carried and implanted in my mind, forever.

Owh wait. But my aunt is worried about my backbone. I still have scoliosis. And that, might affect with the things I do in cheer, for I cant push myself too much, otherwise it'll ache.

Ahh. I'm getting my head all over cheer now. Funny thing is that they dont know us, we just left like we were invisible or some sort, cause everybody were busy doing their own things. This, is what pure training is like, I guess. And of course it takes time to blend in with the rest. For they would have that thought, 'oh, maybe they are just here for fun, they are not serious about it' and such. I do understand why they are feeling so. Well, change would be difficult. I do feel slightly bad for just popping in out of nowhere, and getting first class treatment from the captain. He was doing his job really well, just like how a captain should be like.

I have a dream where I could get my own cheer outfit, with the name Rebels on it, proudly performing alongside these people. Yeap. Dream. Goodness knows where the future will bring me. Fingers crossed, if I do get the chance to study un Australia, they would have a cheer squad in that uni. =O

Haha! I'm going too far in this. Though I have some obstacles to ram over, if I do want to fulfill that longful dream of mine. First, would be my aunt. Next, my back. Third, distance. The 'getting to know them' part can come later, when I can prove myself to be loyal and to be as determined, to be one of them. =)

Today, I am a happy girl. =)

S.o @ 10.53pm, 9th Nov 2011

Here ye here ye
I have math exam in about 6hours time from now. Boy. I am definitely not getting enough sleep, not until chemistry is done with. Chem and math are my most feared subject if the 5 subjects I have taken in ausmat. Though I am still wondering, why did I take the harder math when I could actually taken the easier one. And honestly saying, thank goodness I took this math. Math had always been my weakest subject of all the subjects I took, high school and even now. Since the math that I took is the harder one, it makes me a little comforted that its alright for me to be doing badly. Hehe. And I could also imagine myself being really helpless if I had taken the easier math. Simply because my level of understanding of math is just nonexistent. If I had taken the easier math, I would have thrashed myself to a much higher level than I am now. For I have the chance where I can say, "maths CD, its the harder math compared to yours." in a probable arrogant yet frustrated manner that we could not solve our questions when we could actually help them out with theirs.

I, have no connection with math whatsoever. But because I didnt lol the fact that I was constantly doing bad for math, I made sure I learnt properly. And in my language of math, only I understand what I understand, cause I am in a league where I have no rights to stand next to these people at all.

We see the AB students in general, asking CD students for help with their questions. Since my math was that bad, I never bothered trying to see how it was like doing AB questions. So one day, some random ausmat student came up to me, "are you from ausmat? Can you help us with this math question?", "erh, I take CD though?", "its okay! Its AB question, it is very easy."
Immediately I was wondering, 'oh, if I cant get this right, I'll be embarrassing myself', and I saw that they really seemed confused with their question, I decided to help.

Lo and behold. The questions had answers given within the question already, only left was some analysing. It got me going, 'what? That is it? Crap!' . But then again, I have no rights in criticising in such manner, I take it back. =X
I was really suffering with my math then. Courage to even take up a math question without assistant would be near impossible. =/

My eyes are killing me.

It is also actually harder for them to score because their subject is a pulled down subject, just like my bio. It is supposed early, that their scales for scoring is that high. Thus, makes it much harder for them to score. =/

Fingers crossed, this would be my last math examination that I'll ever have to take. =X

S.o @ 3.13an, 8th Nov 2011.

Well hello there. Today would be my firsts for a few things.
Firstly, it would have to be the fact that i, had not been sleeping for the past almost twenty hours now. And I am pretty sure, it is the icecream that had caused me to be in such state. There could also be a reason where I am actually worried for my math, that I could not find gut to sleep, thinking about the precious time I have wasted.

Talking about time wasted, I had done alot of nonsense where I could have actually used it to study instead. I had icecream, as mentioned earlier, at about two am. And the flavour was non other than GREENTEA. Well. That first feeling I had when I had my first bite, wad heavenly. To a point where I was so happy that I wad beaming to myself. Little did I know, the effect lasted me the whole night long. I am seriously tired. Eyes sore and all. But I just cant sleep.

Well. That moment when I was eating my icecream, it really felt really good. It was peaceful and blissful. Nothing I would have imagined feeling at such time with my encounters with food. Bleah. Tired.

And lastly. It feels really weird knowing I have actually stayed up the whole night. Whole. Night. When the sun went down and up again. Omg.

I am dead tomorrow. =X

Owh. And I played tf2 with my bro. For owned like mad by him. Haha. Yeah. I aint no pro. =P

Til then. =)

S.o @ 6.38am, 8th Nov 2011.

Oh. I'm blogging from my phone for the first time too. Heh!

it's november,
and it's two months away from the start of a whole new year.
which also hints that my birthday is coming!
yeap. beginning of the years always mark that my birthday is around the corner.
i am absolutely jealous of those who were born in the month of november and december. i am a whole ten months older than these people are.
two months short of me being a whole year older than them, which doesnt really make much difference, does it?

but then again, it also marks the end of the current year.
other than it marking the comings of a whole bunch of december babies, where their birthday celebrations are normally the grandest due to their long wait that they are FINALLY LEGAL. =/

and here i am sitting in front my my desktop,
talking about something random, while complaining about birthdays.
heh.
alright, let's get into business.
it's almost the end of the year,
and there is alot that i have to plan, to make sure that my year would end normally.
so that i would not have any regrets when it comes to the beginning of the new year.
and for now, i have a few things to do that i have to accomplish before the end of the year.
mind you, two months is not long,
it is indeed the shortest period ever when you have to use these remaining month wisely.
wisely.
literally wisely.

it wasnt until last year that i realise the importance of the last two months of the year before the beginning of the new year.
last year, i was determined to get my ass into college,
college resumes on the first week of january itself.
there wasnt much time to celebrate since it was an early course.
oops.
i was torn between AusMat and SAM.
i spent the whole month thinking, which would be the best, for i did not want to elapse into a year of regret.
for this level in college would have been the most important part of life... as of now that is.
and then there were outings with high school buddies, just to keep the bonding there, for we knew when the year begins, we wouldnt have that much of a facetime with each other anymore.

this year however,
it would have to be similar with the previous year,
where i would have to gather all my necessary information and such in preparation to apply for the universities, where ever i could land my luck on.
and also, since AusMat is only a one year program, this last two months would have to be filled with activities for our last chance to hang out with each other before we depart to our own separate ways for the future.
would also need to go visit my mom again.
being a filial daughter all this while, being having the freedom to have a decision whereby i could fly alone to my mom's and stay with her for as long as i can, at least i'm doing something i should be doing.
a filial child i am. =/

i apologise for my weird sense of writing this time around,
i have no clue what has gotten into me.
=X

hi.

i'm still coughing like nobody's business.
if coughing is still considered as me being sick, then i have been sick for the whole week already.

today will be a random post about my day,
for i wish not to forget this day for as long as i can remember,
today, it the day, where i am confused.

quite retardedly, i am actually confused almost every second available,
but like i said, i, want to type this out, in memories of today, for i do not wish to forget this day.

well, in a way, i'm actually using this as an excuse for me to compose something,
just to practise my language skills as i have an english examination coming up this thursday.

let's begin with today, shall we? =)

well, today is the first day of my WACE examination
and it begins with a biology paper.
bio is my favourite subject.
despite whatever that happens, it will remain as my favourite subject. IT WILL!! =X
and so, my nervousness shone brightly amongst the smog of calmness.
was really worried that i would be late for my paper that i rushed my way though everything.
i forgotten that i had already packed my purse in my bag,
i forgotten to bring water along with me to college,
i forgotten to bring my jacket along with me to college,
because i was so afraid that i would freeze to death,
i actually went home just to get my jacket.
through all those panicky moments, it got me in a state where i was much more panicked than i was supposedly was.
even that last sentence didn't make sense. =O
but anyhow, it was a good thing that i did not take the wheels to college today,
i would most probably get involved in an accident and would turn up late for my exam anyways, maybe i won't be able to turn up at all.
thanks for being in a panicked state, i couldn't really focus.

and the clock hit 1.30pm,
it was time for us to wait outside the doors towards hell... more like a freezer.
it used to be a freezer, but not anymore, they figured out how to control the coldness of the hall now. =D
hrm...
but anyhow, i was that confused that i almost forgotten my own table when i entered the hall.
we were given a super thick yellow book as our examination paper and also a piece of green paper, one small blue card and also a piece of sticker with our own information on it.
what got me interested was the green piece of paper.
for the whole ausmat course, we were stressed by the lecturers, telling us to shade properly with pencils, and also filling our names up at the specific column.
some of us even have marks deducted just because we forgotten to fill up our names at the designated columns.
and what turns out was,
our details were all printed readily for us to simply peel off the sticker and pasting it on our book.
all that was left to do, was to rewrite our student id, both in numbers and spellings of the numbers.
and the green sheet of paper?
we have been shading oblong shapped spaces with 2B/HB pencils,
but this time, we were to shade tiny squares with either black or blue pen.
due to inexperience we have, i believe shading with PEN is rather queer and takes a tad bit of extra time for the careful shadings to be done.
i am not complaining, i actually find it really fascinating. =D
*see why i don't want to forget this day? =P*

and lo and behold,
wait.
i'm not there yet.
it is also the first time that the invigilators will go through each page, slowly mentioning the beginning few words and the last few words of the particular page, just to make sure we all had the same paper.
how considerate.
unlike SPM, we were to flip through ours books of question, just to check if we have enough pages. HAHAHAH.
those days.
and then as soon as we were done flipping through, we had to close it and place it in front of us.
here, we were given READING TIME! yeay!
it gives us an extra ten minutes to look through the questions to have a good grasp of it, and then probably we could vomit whatever we knew without troubles.
really considerate. =)

but the thing is, why does the exam have to be so long?
=O
i get hungry easily, what am i to do? =/

but anyhow,
it was time to preceed with the questions.
i decided to spend some time speed reading through the questions on the 2nd section first before going back to visual answer questions on the 1st section.
i believe this was my first mistake, one that had cost me alot. *this will be explained sometime later in this post. =) *
the questions were somewhat tough.
questions that require one to think through before answering the question,
before making sure that the answer written would be the right one,
because there is barely enough time for you to check back.
three hours, and it was still not enough.
haha. insane.
so there were a few questions that still lingered in my mind,
causing me to have debates over and over again until this very moment,
- what are the two purposes of using DNA microarray.
here was my reaction : whaaaaattttt???????!!!!?!?!?!
initially the question came with a small description on PCR and DNA microarray, the first question under that description was regarding PCR, and of course, a question would be asked on DNA microarray.
but there was a problem.
i have NEVER seen or heard that term anywhere before.
it never hit my mind what on earth it was and also what it could be used for.
even had to googled for it when i got home.
turns out it was related to 'probes'.
=/

then there was another question
- organisms with large Surface Area / Volume ratio had its advantages and disadvantages in arid areas.
we were to describe how so.
i answered that question with breeze.
but two to three questions after that, popped up another question related to SA/V ratio, which got me into a standstill.
- large mammals are able to stay in the sun for long periods of time, but small mammals would have to hide when it's hot.
this question made me doubt my answer for that previous question,
i was debating against myself for a good 3-5 minutes, just deciding on which thought was right, and which was wrong.
here, would be my mistake number 2.
=/

and so i was done with section 1 and 2, i'm left with section 3,
a total of 4 essays, worth 15 marks each.
third mistake, spending too much time pondering on how to answer the questions.

all those mistakes summed up to a total loss of 15 marks,
simply because i didn't have enough time to even start with my 4th essay.
and because i saw that noone was collecting the book and sheet from my row yet,
i took the opportunity to try to write at least a few sentence to gain back some marks,
at least it's not a whole of 15 marks lost just like that.
but seriously, if i wasn't lucky enough to do that, i would probably be toast.
the moment i wanted to start on my fourth essay, the moment the invigilator announced for us to put our pens down.
i was in a state of shock that i couldnt even start with my last essay.
serious shock..

ahh.
there goes bio.

yesterday, my mom left Malaysia, back to Macau to carry on with her routine.
today, my sis left for Aus, back to her routine, while my bro, to Dubai for a holiday with his wife.
i didn't send the earlier two, but i somehow followed to send my bro to the airport,
which was actually unnecessary,
but i followed anyhow.
we practically just drove there, to drop my bro and then left straight for home.
see, it was really unnecessary for me to follow.
but i guess there was a benefit of some sort.

this route have been the exact same route we take, both to the airport and to my grandma's place.
so yeah, since i wasn't talking to anyone, and i wasn't the one driving,
i drifted into a world of my own,
thinking about the past to whichever memory that i could prickle upon, to ponder upon,
but it really is awkward now thinking that my grandma isn't around anymore.
things changed drastically,
and knowing me, i hate changes, let alone drastic ones.
i know now i'll have this weird feeling whenever i look and see some random grandma who could possibly be near my grandma's age. =/
for instance, today, i was queueing at the counter at tesco, where i looked back and caught a glimpse of some random grandma, it got me wanting to look away as soon as i could, because it reminded me of my grandma.

it really is that easy for me to elapse in a delusional world of my own,
just give me a few minutes on my own, and there i'll go,
yes, it would be easy to capture me back to reality,
provided if you could distract me from that current thought i was having, otherwise it would just leave me in that pondering state for the rest of the day,
at times, it could worsen, to a point where i can't talk at all, because the thought was overwhelming by itself.

=/

given the time to ponder about,
i miss my grandma.

just today when i was about to leave home for a out-of-routine-shopping, i saw that there was a funeral set-up few doors down from my home,
it reminded me about the funeral experience i had not too long ago,
nope, they were not good memories,
yes, they did bring me some laughters and some confusion about the process,
but what got me pondering upon is the fact that i won't be able to see my grandma anymore.

i loved family gatherings.
those days were the happiest.
especially during chinese new years.
we would all gather up on the 2nd day of chinese new year to celebrate both chinese new year and my grandma's birthday.
those days were the happiest.
where we all would just talk and catch up with each other.
those days were the happiest.
because we could all see my grandma, smile, enjoying the presence of everyone.
those days were the happiest.
where we get to eat together, with a big number of us on a round table, chatting, eating, laughing.
those days... were the happiest.

i do love my grandma,
i just don't express it well.

what worries me is my mother and my auntie,
all this while, they have always been worried about my grandma without fail.
whenever they want to go home to visit my grandma, i would be tagging along.
everytime my mom comes home, she never fails to visit my grandma.
even when she's working over there on the other side of the sea, she would try to call my grandma, eventhough my grandma had hearing difficulties, but i'm sure it made her happy just knowing that her daughter is thinking of her.
and if my grandma is willing to, my mom would bring my grandma out to places from time to time.

during the funeral session,
my aunt and mom cried,
and that in turn made me cry along with them.
it was overwhelming,
i couldn't stand the fact that they were both upset,
the two people whom i love most are upset and are crying there and then,
it broke my heart that they were upset,
i cried along with them.
they loved my grandma.
they cared in everyway they could.
but yet, there are times that their effort were being doubted, and that hurt them the most,
all they were doing was providing my grandma with love, like how she showered them with love when they were younger.

i have no clue what i was supposed to post about,
but i just felt like posting something.
i guess this would do this time around.

love, need not to be expressed by just mere words.
love, is best understood and felt by other means.
words are only means of decoration, it means nothing if there were no meaning behind it.
tears, a sign of love.
tears that flow without words, the most powerful way one could feel the love that person has towards that one person,
or maybe a few.
tears flow, when we are hurt by people we trust most, those whom we loved most.
a tight hug, can be a sign of love.
how tight a person hugs you, shows how much you are appreciated by the other person.
it does not necessarily mean you have a special love, love, it's just love. period.

lol.
i can't continue any longer.
i apologise for this weird post of mine this time around.
=/

we, humans are emotional beings
we, are able to express our emotions, without boundaries,
we, cry when we feel upset,
we, scream when we feel angry,
we, laugh when we experience something that tickles our laughing senses,

tears.
generally, it is meant to protect our eyes from being too dry,
it somehow has some medication to it that keeps our eyes moist, and disinfected of bacterias and such,
but why is it that sometimes, we have tears that flow down our cheeks, free-flowing all of a sudden, as though our tear duct had burst in someway or somehow.
chopping onions, make us tear,
it's because of the burning sensation that the onions that hits our eyes,
eating spicy food, make us tear,
similarly, the burning sensation on the internal was the reason to why we tear,
when we are hurt physically, we tear,
we couldn't seem to stand the pain and it is expressed through our tears.

could we control these tears from flowing, if we could in anyway?
what about tears of those who are hurt emotionally,
why does it appear like there is an never-ending flow of tears, when it comes to emotional pressures?
we watch a sad movie, with people crying, some of us would end up tearing along with the characters,
we were so emotionally attached to the characters, that we could feel the emotions that they were protraying, that it made us cry along with them.

what if your loved one was crying?
there was no reason for you to cry, but because your loved ones were crying, somehow, you would end up crying with them.
you, feel their emotions, that you felt whatever that they were feeling, and that you would elapse into tears as well.

and when you're too happy, you'd tear up too.
these would be called, 'tears of joy', a positive outcome of tears.
you are overwhelmed with joy, emotions running high, you tear.

tears, tears, tears. hrm...

Techonology these days, they have greatly impacted the daily lives of humans in various ways. It has impacted us where it reaches a point where we need to have at least one form of technology with us wherever we go, regardless of the situation.

WAHLAO. damn lazy wanna continue ah. -.-

hello there.
i'm not to sure if i'm actually allowed to post this up,
but i just needed to write something about it,
hopefully nothing paranormal would happen if i do. hehe

well. i'm left with about 4 to 5 days til my first paper, bio.
and it's my finals,
but i'm having my break now, but yeah. it's a study break but i'm thrown off of my routine of 'going to college to study til it's late and i'm satisfied with that i've studied for the day',
because,
my grandma had passed away.

i'm not sad.
but i do miss her.
she had been so strong all this while.
even that snake bite three years back did not kill her.
she was be bed-ridden for about one week, and we all thought it was time for her to go then already,
but nope, she was strong, too strong in fact, that she survived the poisonous snake bite to live until now.
but of course we didn't want to risk her getting another injury like that, so my aunts and uncles planned out some 'plan' where they took turns taking care of grandma.
owh. prior to that snake incident, she lived alone in her own home.
where she rears chickens and pigeons.
goodness know how much strength this old lady has,
she managed to move heavy objects around by herself, mending her chicken coop and the pigeon... wait. it's actually the pigeon's coop, because the chickens were free to walk around. HAHA
when i was younger, she had ducks. one super old duck which i remember walking about the house, slowly but he was walking around still. =)
i got that animal love thanks to both my auntie and grandma, actually.
i just realised it. HAHA
everytime i go back to my grandma's place, she'd give me one of her little chicks to play with.
play, but i didn't kill any of them.
it would break my heart if i do injure them in anyways.
but i remember them being too comfortable and they just shit on me.
HAHHAHA
good times.
and my grandma is SO CUTE!
her favourite would be KFC. HAHAHAHAHA
ironically, she rears them chicken, but she loves them chicken meat. =O
and!! we would travel to Seremban often when we do pay our grandma a visit,
going to Pizza Hut, calling pizzas, 'la-kia-si' also meant, spider web.
hahahahahaha.
she is so cute!!
and i would have to say, she was the only reason, everybody returned home to celebrate chinese new year together as a whole big family,
for her birthday falls on the 2nd day of chinese new year, which makes everything much more significant.
but due to family complicants, that, had failed for the past two to three years.

but within that three years, my grandma was able to spend more time with each of her children.
so i guess, she was satisfied already.
and i'm pretty sure she was choosing the right timing to go,
because everything seemed to have fall in the right time;
-my mom came back with her boyfriend,
-my sis came back for a transit to indonesia, so she managed to know what is happening somehow,
-my grandma's sister (or was it my grandpa's sister? hrm...) passed away not too long ago.
and i guess she didn't feel like it was necessary for her to further fight it anymore.
she's 88 years old.
somehow the chinese tradition made it a total of 91, as the death age,
and at the age of 91, it seems like some sort of celebration, because it isn't easy for old people to live that long anymore.
my grandma was awesome.
but she stil cute!
especially when she laughs.
=)

about ten years ago, my grandpa passed away.
i was too young to remember what exactly happened, but i know i was that little girl walking around, confused with what was happening.
so when the funeral was taking place this time for my grandma,
i was trying hard to remember what happened for my grandpa, because the memory i have of it was really vague.
=/
owh! i'm like the youngest cousin of the 'Wong' family.
and i still am as blur as usual from time to time. haha

what i didn't get was, the praying session.
it doesn't make any sense to me.
and it got me laughing several times.
and wait. i have issues with my surname. HAHAHA
i'm supposed to follow my father's surname, Ou, right?
but since young, my mom had always thought me how to write the 'Wong' as my surname in chinese.
So, when this happened, the praying session needed to annouce everybody's name, those of who are related to my grandma; the sons, the daughters, the in-laws, the grandchildrens and the greatgrandchildrens.
so when my name was mentioned, 'Wong Kah Sim'
it was really awkward. all my cousins looked back at me. HAHAHAHAHHA
i, myself was confused, my facial expression didn't even change when they all looked back at me, i just go O.o???
HAHAHAHAH

and their chants were as though they were randomly mentioning random names,
they even had a special tune for it,
and because the session was freaking long, i somehow decided to entertain myself by moving to the beat of the tune from time to time.
yes, it seems disrespectful.
but i am YOUNG! and long praying sessions like that could easily bore me to sleep. =/

there was this one session where it requires us to walk around the front compound of the house, pick up a coin and place it into a bowl, then pluck a leaf off a branch that was placed there, and placing the leaf into the box.
i forgotten how many rounds we walked, but as we were entering the 4th round, one of the 'praying people' told us "pluck more the better", well DUHH, my bro was infront of me and we just started plucking leaves like nobody's business.
that was the fun part.
it looked funny. hehe. because behind us were the two grandchildren,
in a way, it looked like we, kids were playing, plucking as many leaves, literally bringing down the whole branch.

wait. hahah! i think i just confused you with the lining up sequence thingy.
chinese and their weird culture of 'PRIORITISING THE MALES', sigh.
here is how it is like;
Black - sons and daughters
Dark Blue - son's children
Light Blue - daughter's children
Green - son's son's children
it further separates between the 'wongs' and the 'non-wongs',
red ribbon for those who does not have the surname of 'wong' in their name.
and non for those who are 'wongs'.
surname-ist.
tsktstsk.

anyhow. we had 4 sessions of prayers yesterday.
started from 6pm all up til 12 midnight.
there were break intervals for us to have a breather.
no wonder i don't remember a thing about my grandfather's funeral.
i only remember walking all the way from my grandma's house all the way to the burial site.
pretty sure we gonna do that too.
my goodness. i'm seriously fretting the fact that i have no memory of my grandfather's funeral. gaaaahhhh

popo ah! rest in peace. =)
we all sayang you! <3
say hi to gonggong for me! =)